


What Lies Beyond the Walls

by KuroRiya



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU is really similar to canon, Alternate Universe, Anime Spoilers, Character Death, Eremin - Freeform, Human Sacrifice, M/M, Minor Character Death, Not Really Character Death, Temporary Character Death, rated for later chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-01
Updated: 2014-08-29
Packaged: 2017-12-28 03:18:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 79,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/987030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KuroRiya/pseuds/KuroRiya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An annual sacrifice made to the loathsome creatures in a bid to abate them tears a friendship apart, but inadvertently puts it back together again. Not only that, but it may have strengthened the bonds, allowing for something more to slip between the seams. Wow, my summaries always sound like a bad porno just waiting to happen. While there will be some explicit stuff later on, there is going to be a lot of build up to it, and plot galore<br/>There are some spoilers if you're not reading the manga. Just to warn you.<br/>The alternate universe is really similar to the canon, Titans, walls, military and all. There are just a few things that I played with to suit the story. The only big thing you'll need a warning for is the human sacrifice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was a stupid, pointless thing that we did. Everyone knew, deep down somewhere, that it was wrong, that it wasn't helping anything. But human habits die hard. And so, every year, despite the never waning attacks that the Titans launched against us, despite the number mercilessly eaten daily, despite how often the Titans managed to breach our walls and rampage freely before the soldiers managed to repair the wall or gate and kill the trapped ones off, we made our pathetic sacrifice. I was never sure where the mentality behind it came from. 'Maybe if we willingly feed them once a year, they'll lose their appetite.' It's laughable, really. If anything, we're drawing more of them towards our walls by dangling a human off of them. But a large enough percentage of the population supports the practise, and so it continues.  
I should mention that I'm particularly bitter in regards to this subject. My best friend was chosen as the sacrifice when I was fifteen. They try to pick small people, ones that have less chance of survival anyway. At the time, Eren was pretty scrawny. It was easy to see that, given a few more years to mature and train his body, he could have been quite strong. But he wasn't given that opportunity. He had been spotted by one of the ceremony deacons, and suggested as the sacrifice. He was skinny, and lanky, only recently having hit puberty and still growing into his body.

We fought, harder than we ever had before. We screamed and clawed, and Eren tried his best to utilize some hand to hand combat he had been taught by a friendly soldier. But we were easily overpowered by the older and stronger soldiers. This was what they were trained for, after all, of course they bested three children. Even Mikasa, the strongest of the three of us, could not pry Eren from their hands as they dragged him off. We followed behind them, begging them to let him go, to take someone else, anyone else. Eren thrashed in their arms, howled, bit, scratched, kicked, anything he could to try and escape or prove his strength in hopes that they would choose someone else. I wondered at the time how I had been overlooked. I was even smaller than Eren. But I guess I was too small, not worth their time, or the Titans'. They ignored us, simply readjusting their holds on Eren when he managed to get an arm free. They stopped in front of a door, and we hoped beyond hope that they would release Eren, but they instead entered and slammed the door in our faces, locking it with a loud click. I later learned that this door led down to a holding cell, where Eren was kept until the day of the ceremony.

I consider myself at least a little lucky. Mikasa was tasked with informing Eren's parents of his being chosen. At least I got to mourn quietly to myself, not having to watch someone else's grief as well. The next time I saw his mother, so utterly broken, was enough to send me into a fit. How Mikasa was able to act so strong in the face of it all is beyond me. But, when I came to the door of the holding cell the next day, as I made a habit of every day after Eren was taken from us, I could see scratch marks in the wood. If I looked close enough, I could even see blood streaked into the rivets. I never asked Mikasa about it, her broken and raw nails enough to confirm my suspicions.

There was nothing for us to do but wait. There was no such thing as a petition to free the sacrifice, no trial to prove that he didn't deserve this fate. On the last day, the day before the sacrifice, he was allowed visitors. I waited until the afternoon, wanting to give his parents some time alone with him. Though he was my closest friend, he was their son, and they had a right to take up the majority of his last moments. When I finally slouched in, I was surprised by how calm everything was. His parents sat together on a bench, pressed as close to the cell as was possible. Though they had obviously been crying, they were now silent and still, a morose air the only thing left. Mikasa sat on the floor, her hip flush with the bars, her face seemingly expressionless, her lips hidden behind the red scarf Eren had gifted to her years ago.

Eren lifted his head at the sound of my entrance, and even offered me a small smile, one that had me on my knees in an instant, bawling my eyes out. It was so fake, so painful, so different from the bright grin that usually lit up his face when he saw me. He was scared, absolutely terrified, and I knew it, he knew it, everyone knew it. My reaction elicited another bought of crying from his parents, Mikasa beckoning me over and pulling me against her, holding me as I wept into her shirt. Eren reached a hand through the bars, taking my hand, the only comfort he could offer me from his position, cuffed to the wall by a single shackle. But through all of my tears, Eren never broke, keeping his face and stance strong, trying to show me that he was still him, despite everything. He wanted me to know that he was strong, that he would always be strong. And I believed it, believed him. There was no one stronger than Eren, I had always thought so.

I eventually calmed enough to talk to him. We all took turns, saying something, bringing up a happy memory that centered around Eren, laughing halfheartedly in an attempt to make his last hours good ones. When our time with him was drawing to a close, Mikasa and I said goodbye, both of us agreeing that his parents deserved to be the last ones he saw. But it took a lot for me to let go of his hand, to so much as stand as I whimpered out goodbyes and promises. We went outside, Mikasa drawing me to her yet again as I failed to contain my tears, ugly sobs wracking through my frame. She eventually pulled me to my feet, walking me home and handing me off to my grandfather.

The next morning, I was among the first people that shuffled into the square. Everyone knew it was today, even though it was never announced. Mikasa and Eren's parents came only a few minutes after me, Mikasa taking my hand as we trailed behind Mr. and Mrs. Jaeger. The crowd was not allowed very close to the wall, but we got as close as we could, holding our stances for hours as bodies collected behind us. Then they brought Eren, walked him right down the center of the crowd. This was all part of the ritual. People shouted encouragements to him, some reaching out to squeeze his shoulder or clap him on the back. It was twisted, sick enough that my stomach churned, bile rising in my throat. I swallowed it down though, not wanting to look away from Eren as he walked for the last time.

As he neared, people shuffled aside for Mr. and Mrs. Jaeger, Mikasa and I close behind. The soldiers allowed Eren a pause when he reached them, giving him time to embrace his parents, Mikasa, me, and then his parents again. Then the soldiers urged him on with a shove. He reached his hand behind him, his cheeks wet with tears. It was the first time I'd seen him cry since being taken. He managed to keep a strong facade when the soldiers were carrying him away, the entire time I visited, even while he walked through the crowd.

But now the strong, fiery boy I had grown up with, that I knew so well, was utterly broken in front of me. Every spark that had ever flashed through his sparkling emerald eyes was gone, his irises dulled and muted now, though still stark against his paling face. It was dawning on him, he was finally realising that he could not escape. I couldn't even imagine how weak he felt, reduced to a mere child, his dreams stolen out from under him. His fingers seemed frail, delicate as they reached blindly for something, anything, to hold onto. My own tears sprung forth, my hand finding his and squeezing until he was wrenched away from me, dragged to the wall and bound harshly in thick wires he'd never be able to break through.  
My fingers ached from holding so tightly onto Eren's, from being forced apart, but it was nothing when compared to the ache in my stuttering heart. The cords looked painful, no real care taken with fastening them. I could already see where they would bite into his skin when they lowered him, where his bones would be broken when a Titan got their fingers or teeth on him and tried to yank him down.  
His frame was shaking, and I could tell that one the soldiers was holding him up, for his knees had long lost the strength to support him. Someone important, maybe a governor or a religious figure from the inner walls got up and shouted a speech to us, reminding us of the importance of the annual sacrifice, congratulating Eren as if he was fortunate, as if he had won a lottery drawing. It made my tears turn to those of hate and disgust as opposed to my previous tears of sorrow. It was sick, revolting.  
When he finished talking, we all knew it was time, the soldiers taking Eren to the top of the wall. He thrashed a bit in discomfort, seeing as he was suspended between two of them, and part of the cording came undone so that he slipped a bit, his face turned towards the crowd. The tears still fell; he had clearly given up, had resigned himself to the fate that awaited him on the other side of the wall that was supposed to be protecting him. The was no more hope, no more drive. He was released at the top, his body slumping against the cold concrete while the soldiers fastened the cords to anchors installed for that exact purpose. By then, we could already hear the sounds of gathering Titans, the guttural, wet sounds they produced with their throats. I shuddered, imagining what Eren must be seeing, what he must be thinking.  
And then they lowered him, slowly, his dark chocolate brown locks, greasy and matted against his head from days without washing the last I ever saw of him. I wanted to cry, to demand they bring him back, to inform everyone of his importance, of his dreams, his aspirations. I wanted to prove how much he deserved to live, how wrong they were for what they were doing. I wanted them to know just what they had done, how precious the life they were snuffing was to me, to the world. But the silence was too heavy, too commanding. I was unable to produce so much as a sound, rendered mute. We all waited, waited for any indication as to what was happening, for it was all on the other side of the wall, far from out visual field. It came quickly, the snapping of jaws and a terrified scream that was easily recognizable as Eren. I held my breath, wondering if I had just heard my friend's dying scream, but one of the men on the wall shouted, informing us of what was happening on the other side.  
A seven metre had tried, and failed, to reach Eren. We heard a thud and another cry, and were told that another seven had made an attempt. It was unlikely that a seven would be able to reach him though. The sacrifices were dangled pretty high, as the larger the Titan that got them, the better our year was supposed to be. Morbid, I thought to myself, too scared to say it aloud. After the seven, a five tried, its attempt even more fruitless. We passed nearly an hour in this fashion, Eren's cries the only think letting us know that he was still alive, barely clinging onto life, and only fighting death by instinct. And then we heard it, almost unnoticeable at first, but growing more intrusive by the second. The ground was shaking as the heavy footsteps fell, and one of the soldiers gasped in surprise.

We all waited, wanting to know what was going on. Finally they got their wits about them, and one shouted down to us. It was a big one, at least fourteen metres, maybe fifteen. And, to everyone's surprise, it was apparently female in form. It was then silent as we waited, wondering what it would sound like when it ate Eren. But all I heard was the snapping of cords, and then the same footsteps, retreating. The soldiers waited about a minute, then turned to us.  
It was done. Eren was gone from us forever, our annual sacrifice complete. The crowd buzzed with muted excitement. A fifteen metre was the biggest class, which meant we had a good year ahead of us, or so the feeble citizens wanted to believe. I couldn't handle it; Such a gruesome crime against our morals, against humanity, followed by cheer and smiles? I gagged, unable to swallow down the bile this time. Mikasa rested a hand on my back as I vomited on the ground. It wasn't comforting. She herself was too far gone to really offer me any comfort. But it showed me that she was still here, that she hadn't been eaten by a Titan like Eren had, that she wasn't partaking in the relief and quiet celebration.

Mikasa and I lingered in the square, even longer than Mr and Mrs. Jaeger. I'm sure Mikasa would have gone with them, if she thought I'd manage on my own. But I wouldn't. I couldn't even force myself to stand up. She had to practically drag me to my house yet again, leaving me to my grandfather. He was unable to console me as I wept, sobbing so violently that I was sick, several times. He instead allowed me to cry until I no longer had any tears left to cry, or vomit left to purge. My body was exhausted, but I didn't fall asleep that night, too disturbed by the visions I was subjecting myself to. I imagined Eren, dangling, unable to even defend himself or run away. I imagined him trying to flinch away from the smaller titans that were jumping in a bid to tear him down from the wall. I imagined the terror on his face as the Female Titan approached, as she yanked him hard enough to rip the cords, shoved him into her mouth, biting him into pieces or maybe swallowing him whole, letting him swim in her stomach with the other humans she had recently devoured, likely in differing states of decay, until he died of shock, starvation, suffocation, or any number of things. In fact, I was unable to sleep for four days, and then I finally lost to my weakened body and fell unconscious. I couldn't be stirred for an entire day.

We all tried our best to get on with life after that. The topic was avoided in conversation, and everything of Eren's was locked away. Mikasa still wore his scarf though, and I kept the books he had managed to steal for me. I had always spent a lot of time reading, but after Eren, I became even more withdrawn, rarely leaving home in favor of losing myself in the fantasy world of one of my fairy tales, and always taking one of my books with me when I did. I still saw Mikasa regularly, but we had never been as close as Eren and I. I'm sure she felt the same way. But it was a mutual loss we had suffered, and so we made sure to check on each other occasionally, sometimes talking it out when the pain became too much for us to handle alone. As if required to by proxy, she looked after me in Eren's stead, fending off the bullies that still dared to mess with me. They grew few after Eren though, as most knew that he had been my closest and pretty much only friend, and they pitied my immensely. Still, there were a few heartless ones that persisted, some even using his sacrifice to taunt me. Mikasa made sure those ones went home with at least one broken bone each. But not only did she defend me, she was always ready to hold me should I need to cry, and I was always ready to listen to what she had to say. It was the best I could offer her, but it was plenty according to her. Mr. and Mrs. Jaeger refused to talk about Eren, and so she relied on me to converse about the good and bad times had with him.

I wondered how she had gotten so much stronger than me. I knew that she'd loved Eren, as more than a friend or a brother, and it was amazing how well she had taken his death. Granted, I wasn't with her all the time. Well, not much at all, actually. What she did when away from me... I had no way of knowing. I didn't really want to know. She could be frightening, if I thought about it, and so I didn't.

And eventually, with time to heal us, life fell into some semblance of normalcy. Eren was gone, and his absence lingered, almost more prominent than his presence had been, but I lived with it, getting by day by day. Mikasa did the same, pushing through, forcing herself to get up every morning. Mrs. Jaeger, however, did not. We lost her a few months after Eren's sacrifice. We never found a body, but we can all guess what happened. A couple of soldiers reported seeing a figure slinking around the gate as they were shutting it for the night, too small to be a Titan that had breached the wall. But they were too spooked to check it out, and too cowardly to bring it up until news of Carla's disappearance made it onto the billboard in the town square.

No one said it outright, but there was an unspoken acceptance of what had happened. Grisha disappeared a couple of weeks after Carla, though it seemed less likely that he had met the same fate, as no one had seen any trace of him, and he took several belongings with him. Mikasa came to stay with my Grandfather and I, settling into half of my room quietly. She didn't speak to me much, and I didn't bother trying to start conversation either. We simply slept and woke, as we did every day, trying to find distraction as we lived each day. I would read endlessly, sometimes staring out of the window and writing my own stories inside of my head, ones where Eren wasn't sacrificed, and Mrs. Jaeger didn't leave the protection of the walls in a frenzied bid to meet the same fate as her son, and Mr. Jaeger didn't disappear, and Mikasa still spoke, and I still smiled. I wove tales of oceans, unseen before, but breathtaking in my imaginings, witnessed hand in hand with my lost friend. Mikasa sat quietly, or went for day-long walks, returning late at night and very sweaty. I didn't ask, and she never told.

Ironically, the year of Eren Jaeger's sacrifice was one of the bloodiest in our history. We lost more of the population than usual, the Titans managing to break through our walls a total of eight times in twelve months. The avidly religious blamed it on the gender of the Titan, claiming that the female had muddied their sacred practise. But nobody really cared, not when there were Titans running amok in the town, picking people up and eating them with leisure. When Mikasa and I ran for the shelters, hand in hand, it was halfhearted, not nearly as fast as we could run if we were really trying to escape, because we weren't really trying to escape, not anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

Three years passed me by rather uneventfully. I thought of Eren often, but I rarely cried about it anymore. But when the annual sacrifice came around, though I tried to avoid it in any way I could, I would eventually break down, sobbing into my pillows until I fell asleep, ignoring the ceremony in favor of passing the time blissfully unconscious. I usually dreamt of Eren on those days though, and several afterward, making it a pretty difficult time for me. But all in all, I was living to the best of my ability.

My grandfather was forced to go out on a food-gathering expedition, outside of the walls. I knew that those sent out were being sent to their deaths. There wasn't much food to gather in the first place. It was just a way to cover up a mass extermination. If you tried to call a soldier out on it, they would claim it was necessary, claim that there were too many mouths to feed and not enough food to feed them. I lost my grandfather, his name among the countless that weren't called as less than a hundred returned, a few roots in their hands. It was hard, but I put it from my mind, reasoning that at least he could rest his old soul now.  
Mikasa and I had abandoned our goal of joining the military after Eren. The only reason we were going was to remain close to him, and with him gone, there was no point. I instead found a job in a small tavern, Mikasa finding work with a seamstress. Her mother, before dying, had apparently taught her a special kind of Asian embroidery, which was a quick selling point with the seamstress.

My work was hard, and didn't pay much. I knew I'd get paid more if I was a girl; A lot of the guys that came in would whistle my way and shout vulgar flirtations until one of the regulars informed them of my gender, then they'd shut up, or yell at me for being so scrawny. I rarely got tips. A few of the regulars began to warm up to me after a while though, and they tended to be a bit more generous than others. Still not much, but it was a job, and it payed enough for me to eat daily, more than a lot of people could say. With Mikasa's income as well, I was even able to save up and buy myself a new book on occasion.

There were better things I could have spent the money on, but I wanted books more than I wanted a new pair of trousers. Mikasa never said anything about it either. I think she knew that books were my only form of retreat, my only true comfort left in this world. Instead of urging me to buy new clothes, she would mend my old ones until they couldn't be worn anymore. It was something small, but I was grateful for her understanding.

In return for her repairing my clothes, I usually did the cooking. We were both tired when we got home, but her fingers were suffering from her constant and technical use of them. Though my arms would be sore from lifting drinks and carrying trays, it was nothing compared to her poor digits. She would soak them in water that I warmed on the stove, and I'd help her stretch them, her knuckles cracking as I bent them at the joints. She'd bite her lip as we went through this, obviously in pain, but she never complained. I knew though, from the stiffness, that it would be hard for her to do much of anything, so I would prepare our dinner. Sometimes, when there were leftovers from the tavern, I'd pack them up and take them home, eating that for dinner instead, saving us both the trouble.

It was miserable, tiring, and hardly worth calling living, but it was what I had left after I lost Eren.

But even that was taken away from me, in the harshest, most ironic way possible. It must have been one of the guys from the bar that mentioned me. How he managed to get the attention of the church, I'd never know. I didn't get the chance to ask around, as the day they came for me was my last day of freedom inside of the walls.

Unlike Eren's capture, I didn't struggle. I knew exactly what the men clad in uniform had come for, as soon as I saw the number of them. I knew it was me. I had asked myself, many times over the three years, why it hadn't been me they sacrificed instead of Eren. I knew I was small, my bookish nature leaving me with a suitable body, frail and skinny. And, unlike Eren, who likely would have gained quite a bit of muscle if given proper time and training, I hadn't grown out of my lankiness, and it was unlikely I ever would.

People stared as I was pulled along, the tight grasp of a soldier on either of my arms, preventing my escape should I attempt to make one. It was rare that the sacrifice didn't struggle, at least at first. Some accepted it while they were being held, others, like Eren, fighting to the end. But I was too tired, too broken to fight it. And I had seen it coming, had been expecting it for years now.

Eventually someone told Mikasa, and since I had come so quietly, she was allowed to visit me the day after I was taken. She was as calm and quiet as she ever was, bringing me food that the tavern had donated to her. I supposed they felt bad for me, but it was wasted breath on their part. I wasn't remorseful, not even scared. I asked Mikasa to bring me my books, naming my favorite ones, telling her where she could find them. She obediently left, returning about an hour later with a stack of books in her arms, slipping them through the bars one at a time so that I could stack them on the small desk that was inside of my cell. She lingered, and I knew it was out of consideration for me, but I shooed her off. I didn't really need her there. Though we relied on one another to get by, we weren't really close, and our friendship was only such in name. We rarely even spoke to each other anymore, both of us too scarred, our minds and souls torn asunder. She left without any argument.

I passed my last few days by reading, almost constantly, rarely sleeping, only pausing otherwise to use the bathroom and eat. I knew when my last day came around because of the way the guards were acting. They were overly kind to me, my meal consisting of many things considered rare these days; meat, and even a bit of cake. It was good, and I ate without protest, but the gesture seemed petty to me. I felt like livestock, a pig being fed well right before being sent in for slaughter. I wondered if my dying cries would be as graceless and piercing as those of a butchered sow.  
Mikasa visited, as she did every day to bring me dinner. Though she didn't have enough money for meat or cake, she brought me a bit of candy. I smiled as she handed me the small bag, knowing something sweet must be inside. I waited till she left to open it, dumping the contents onto my desk. Each piece fell with a small clinking sound, familiar from the days long past, when my mother would buy me candy if she had a bit of spare money.

The candy that fell was simple, just rock candy, hardened sugar. But it was nostalgic, a treat that Eren often shared with me, as his mother had a knack for making it. He'd always inform me, his excitement obvious, when his mother started the process, the promise of candy in a few days enough to have both he and I eagerly helping Carla around the house. After all, the more we helped, the more she let us have. Sometimes she'd even let us add some flavor, if she had any fruit around. My favorite was strawberry, but it was rare that they, or anyone, had any, so I'd usually settle for whatever Eren was in the mood for. He preferred citrus flavors, like oranges and limes.

The pieces were a mixture of pink and green, which meant it was probably strawberry and lime. I guess Mikasa really did still care, if she had thought to bring me these particular flavors. Maybe it was a coincidence, but I don't really believe in those. I debated on whether or not I should eat them immediately, or if I should save them for another time, but then I realised, with a shaky breath, that there wouldn't be another time. I almost laughed at myself for having entertained the idea of hording the treat, picking up one of the green pieces and bringing it to my mouth.

It was sweet, with the slightest aftertaste, definitely lime. The flavoring was more obvious that it was when Carla made it, confirming my guess that it was store bought. But it didn't matter, it was the thought that counted. I sucked on it, as I always did, savoring the flavor as it dissolved in my mouth. Eren always bit into his quickly, chewing it into a fine powder before swallowing, then he'd steal pieces from my share without asking, much to my chagrin. Now I wished I had shared more with him, sacrificed a few moments of sugary bliss to make him happy. It didn't matter now though, it was too late for that.

I didn't even realise I was crying until a drop hit my hand, startling me. I looked up, thinking at first that the ceiling was leaking, perhaps from rain outside. But I saw no indication that the ceiling was dripping. Shocked, I touched a hand to my cheek, feeling the moisture there, many droplets gathered underneath my chin. I blinked slowly, feeling more slip past my lids with each movement. They came steadily for several seconds before I finally accepted that I was crying, my frame shaking with a sob I hadn't known I was holding in. But once the first came, countless followed. The guards were silent, not yelling at me to shut up or saying any sympathetic words. I appreciated the gesture.

In the end, I was unable to eat all of the candy in one go, making myself sick in my attempt. Frowning, I shoveled it back into the bag, slipping it into my pocket. It was pointless, I knew I wouldn't have another chance to eat it, but leaving it seemed just as wasteful. At least this way, when I was eaten by a Titan, it would end up in a stomach, even if not in the one it was intended for.

I didn't sleep that night, electing instead to stay up, reading by candle light. Again, the guards raised no complaints, providing me with more candles when mine burned out. Nobody needed to know that I was switching the names of the characters in my mind, giving Eren a happy ending, myself a happy ending. When the guards switched shifts, the day guards relieving the night guards, I switched books. These were my last couple of hours, and I wanted to spend them reading my favorite book. It was a scientific journal, one that detailed unimaginable places and things. Vast fields of nothing but sand, land that was so cold that the snow never melted, animals that somehow survived in these harsh conditions. But the most fascinating, the most breathtaking thing noted in the book was the vast ocean, a body of water so large it apparently took up the majority of our earth. I doubted that could be true, but still I wanted to see it, the unending blue in all directions, feel the waves lapping at my feet. I wanted to smell the brisk air, tinged with the smells of fish and sea-greenery. I wanted to hear the crashing of the water as it crested and fell, wanted to taste the salt in the moist air. It was my dream, one I projected onto and eventually shared with Eren.

But it died with him, and now again with me.

I read, imagining the birds that flew almost exclusively around the sea, the colorful and strange fish that swam the salty waters, some not even looking like fish at all. So engrossed in my daydreaming was I that the guard had to shake me before I realised that he was inside of my cell, dragging me out. I stumbled at first, but gained my footing and followed him quietly, sparing one last glance to the books I was leaving behind. They were precious to me, but I would have no use for them while I was dangling from the wall. I hoped, at least, they could offer comfort to whoever was next, as they had for me my whole life.

Again, the hands that held my arms were rough, needlessly tight, but I didn't bother raising protest, I knew it would fall on deaf ears anyway. The town was mostly silent, the majority of the population likely already gathered at the wall, waiting to watch my sacrifice as they had Eren's. I could hear the roar of countless voices talking at once, growing louder as I neared, then falling silent when I made it to the very edge of the square. They all held a breath, looking in my direction, differing emotions playing across too many faces for me to count.  
I was marched down the center, just as Eren had been, similar gestures of encouragement shouted my way as I passed. I bit my lip to keep from yelling back at them, pointing out how stupid, how wrong they were. What honor was there in dying a pointless death, bound and unable to even cause damage as you went? No. I was naught but bait, my body pierced through with hooks of tradition and fear, lowered teasingly into the water, fishing for the biggest prize. To them, I wasn't even human anymore, I was a scape goat, an expendable one of many, a way to ease their minds, to give a fake sense of security as they blindly followed a wolf, dressed like a Shepard and herding them expertly into further stupidity.

When I made it to the front of the crowd, as close to the wall as they were allowed, the soldiers paused. It was more of an insult than a gift. I had no family left. My mother and father, presumably, died when they attempted to explore outside the wall. My grandfather was lost similarly, though his expedition was forced. And Eren, my closest friend, my only friend, was sacrificed, in this exact place, in the exact same way, three years prior. Mikasa alone stood at the front, exchanging glances with me, then lowering her head. It wasn't sorrow, it wasn't pity, just acceptance.

After seeing that I had no relatives to part ways with, no one to embrace for the last time, the guards surged forward, reaching a pile of cords. They made quick work of tying them around me, their work just as sloppy as ever. It didn't really matter, I'd meet the same fate regardless of how well the knots held. Once I was adequately bound, they each grabbed one end of cord, shooting their hooks into the wall and dragging me up, their gear squealing with the effort. But we reached the top nonetheless. The cords were too heavy for me to stand up, so I let myself fall to my knees, opening my eyes and taking in the sight. I'd never seen beyond the walls, never knew what was just barely out of my grasp. It was beautiful, the sun about three quarters through its cycle, bathing everything in soft sunshine. The trees, the birds, the nearby lake, everything shining and sparkling.

Again, I was not aware of my tears, only alerted to them when enough fell to saturate my pants. I bit my lip, too hard, drawing blood, trying not to let the sobs come this time. There would be time for crying. The least I could do was hold my head high, my facade of courage in tact for those watching me. Thankfully, the soldiers had finished with their speeches and anchoring, and it was time.

Instead of the previous two, four soldiers came, two on each side, just in case. They moved slowly, lowering me inch by inch. I sucked in a breath, not fighting the motion, letting my body relax against the cord that was biting into my flesh, my skin already aching from it. If I was allowed time to heal, I'd likely be several shades of purple, and then fading yellow, for at least a month. But my body probably wouldn't even have time to bruise, let alone heal.

I was surprised for a moment by the lack of Titans, not having seen any from the top of the wall. Of course, as soon as the thought crossed my mind, I heard it. Footsteps, heavy, but not enough that those on the other side would be able to hear. It came from the trees, its head large in proportion to its limbs, yet it walked with ease. I couldn't be called the best judge, but I guess that it was probably about six metres tall. It stared up at me, its eyes staring intently, yet without focus. Though it clawed at the wall and made a few attempts to climb it, it was nowhere near tall enough to reach me. I sighed, putting that one from my mind. I could hear another approaching, this one given away by the noises it made with its throat as opposed to its feet.

I whimpered as this one came into view, finding its four legged posture particularly disturbing. It too clawed at the wall, but actually made a jump for me. I couldn't muffle the scream, truly startled by the sudden movement. And it got pretty close, its fingers only a couple of metres away from my dangling legs, or so it seemed to me. Finally the fear began to set in. I realised where I was, what was happening, all much too late. Even if I could get out of my bindings, I'd simply fall right into the open mouths of the Titans. I was helpless, choiceless, about to meet what was likely the most gruesome fate this world could offer. One that my friend before me had met.

I shuddered. It was one last thing we could share.

More Titans gathered, each attempting to reach me, all unable. Still, I'd cry out with each leap, every one seeming closer than the last. And yet, as insane as I must have been to think it, I wished it would all just be over. This was torture, slow, painful, terrifying. I'd rather just get it over with, be done with it all.  
Another emerged from the trees, this one a bit bigger, its grey hair long and growing into its beard. It stood out thanks to the extensive facial hair. This one didn't even bother with clawing at the wall, jumping for me immediately. It was just barely, but I felt the tip of its finger tap against the bottom of my foot, sending shivers down my spine as I screamed. It didn't hesitate to try again, this time getting high enough that I was pushed upwards a bit when it touched my foot. I tried to curl my legs under me, but the cords were wrapped too tightly around my pelvis and thighs, I could barely move them at all. In its second attempt, the bearded Titan knocked another over. It landed on the fallen one, not bothering to move to avoid stepping on it as it got up. My eyes widened, realising that, with that extra bit of height, it was probably going to be able to reach me with its next jump.

My body acted against my will, thrashing against the cords, trying to pull myself up, trying to claw through the ones around my legs, anything I could, but to no avail. And it was too late, the Titan already airborne yet again. Just as I had guessed, the extra height was enough that it managed to wrap its fingers around one of my legs, but only that. It fell again, unable to yank the cords apart. But it had tried to hold on, and I screeched as my leg broke in several places before it let go, falling entirely limp beneath me. Every time I hit the wall from the swinging motion induced by the Titan having grabbed at me, I howled, the pain more than I'd ever experienced. I couldn't even see anymore, though I knew my eyes were open. All I could see was white.

Eventually my body stopped swinging, and my cries were reduced to whimpers as I stilled. My vision cleared, and I looked down, finding the bearded one staring back at me, as if it was waiting for me to recover. A chill ran through me. Another Titan fell, knocked over as a larger one tried to shove its way closer to me. It fell on top of the other that had been crushed by the bearded Titan. My breath hitched. It was over, it had me. This one was definitely aberrant, it would climb on top of the other two, jump, and pull me down. I couldn't close my eyes, fixated on the Titan, doing exactly as I had imagined. I could only watch, hold my breath, as it leapt, its hands finally wrapping around me properly. Gravity pulled it down, its weight easily snapping the cords holding me up, and I fell with it.

We hit the ground with a loud thump, the ground shaking. It wasn't as bad as I would have estimated though, the theory about Titans being lighter than they should be surfacing in my mind briefly. It took a few seconds for the Titan to right itself, but it turned me to face it once it had. I wailed, the motion having moved my injured leg. Or maybe I was wailing from the fear of the creature that was about to devour me. I wondered if there would be other bodies inside, if I'd be alive to see them. Some Titans swallowed their food whole, others chewed. I couldn't decide which I'd prefer. It would be faster to be ripped apart, eaten limb by limb, and I wouldn't have to see what was inside of its stomach. But it would probably be a lot more painful. Even worse, what if it bit off pieces of me, but left enough that I'd remain for a few hours?

I chocked on a sob, wishing I had any other options, but I knew there were none. At least, I thought, it was almost over. The Titan raised me, holding me between its thumb and forefinger by my shirt as if I was a simple finger food. It began to open its mouth, but suddenly its mouth was gone. Its whole head was gone, replaced by vast nothingness, blood starting to leak from its neck, now naught but a severed bone and muscle. I screeched, trying to wrench myself from the now dead fingers without much luck. The gore was too much, and I vomited, most of it falling on the Titan's body. All the while, my eyes were snapping around, trying to figure out what had happened. I knew that the soldiers wouldn't have come to my rescue, but that left only another Titan as a possible culprit, and I'd never heard of a Titan attacking another.

I looked at all of the Titans surrounding me, none of them even big enough to have reached the Titan's head. But I was overlooked something, something pretty obvious. It was just so big, my mind didn't register it at first. But when I heard the snorting breath, coming from above, I immediately looked up.

It was too tall, I couldn't see its face. It had to be a fourteen or fifteen metre. Its proportions were practically human, though it was heavily muscled, pinning it as the most likely to have killed the bearded one.

I trembled, trapped by the fingers around me, unable to flee as its hand came down, plucking me out of my fleshy prison with ease, holding me with the same fingers, thumb and pointer. But instead of holding my up by the back of my shirt, this one situated its fingers under my arms. Better leverage, I reasoned. It lifted me up, its face slowly coming into focus as I neared.

This one's face was different than what I normally saw, but not really anymore disturbing. Its seemed to have double the amount of teeth, all of them exposed by a lack of lips. Its ears were pointed, but other than that, it looked mostly human. Its hair was longer than most Titans', falling to its shoulders in dark chocolate colored tresses. I frowned, the color reminiscent of Eren's. It brought me level to its eyes, the same piercing color of emerald as Eren too. I wondered if this was some kind of joke, a cruel one played by the fates. Sending a Titan that shared qualities with Eren to finish the job of eating me? It was twisted in a way I couldn't find words for.

It stared at me, its gaze intense. It only broke eye contact when another Titan leapt and tried to grab me from its hands. Though the one that had tried was much too small, not managing to jump anywhere near high enough, the fifteen metre turned its way and growled, screamed at it. I whimpered, unable to ignore the fear that rose in my stomach at the sound. It was such a powerful noise, shaking the surroundings as it bellowed out. It sounded like an alarm, a warning. The other Titans, much to my surprise, backed off.

And it returned to staring at me. I wondered what the soldiers would be telling the crowd. Surely I must be considered the strangest sacrifice so far. Not only had the bearded Titan shown a small level of intelligence by climbing on the bodies of the fallen Titans to reach me, but the fifteen metre had killed another Titan, with purpose. Perhaps it was the same old purpose, to eat a human, but it showed precision, skill, having loped off the head as opposed to just the hand. It meant to kill with its strike.

And, even stranger still, it hadn't eaten me yet. I was frozen, unable to move, to break the stare it was holding with me. I noticed, with a start, how completely focused it was. Unlike the other Titans, who saw, but never really looked... This one was looking. It was seeing me, taking in my traits, holding my gaze with its own. My lips trembled, and it snorted, blinking once. This one was intelligent, I could tell, I could feel it. It knew what it was doing, had a goal in mind, had a mind. It recognized me as a living thing, knew that I had feelings, emotions. And that made it just that much scarier.

It drew me closer, very slowly, and I realised that it was trying not to jostle my leg, which was pretty obviously broken. What was the point, I had to ask myself, if it was just going to eat me anyway? Not that I was complaining, but I couldn't see the sense of it. It spared me one last glance, then opened its mouth, which was especially large thanks to the extra teeth. I closed my eyes, feeling the hot breath as I came closer and closer, my hair fanning out behind me from the velocity. And then it dropped me, my body falling a couple of feet onto its tongue, a cry wracking out of me as my injured leg broke my fall. I opened my eyes, looking outwards, getting one last glimpse of the sky before it closed its mouth and everything went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, not a huge response, but enough that I went ahead with a second chapter. That was actually really fast for me... I usually schmooze around and ignore the next chapter for a while, and even when I do start, it usually takes me a couple of days to finish. But I guess I really like this idea I've had, and want to get going, because this was literally a two day chapter. (It would have been one day, but it was like, three in the morning. I had work the next day, and I'm only human.) And, as requested, extra lines between paragraphs.  
> As promised, this chapter is a bit longer, by about two pages. This is about normal chapter length for me, so get used to it! Sometimes they'll get a little longer though, if a scene is taking a long time to wrap up.   
> So, sorry for the three year gap. I'm sure there are going to be some people who wish they could see what life for Armin was like without Eren, but it wasn't really important to the story. All you need to know is that he was miserable, but managing. And sorry for those who, like, hardcore support Eren, Armin, and Mikasa as besties forever. I don't really like Mikasa, and I don't like her dynamic in the relationship. It seems to me that she kind of forces herself in, only serving as an overly protective sister for Eren. She doesn't seem to care for Armin at all, only helping him in the first episode because she was worried Eren was about to get in a fight. So that's why she seemed so standoffish with Armin in this; I feel like that's how she would be without Eren.   
> I'm not trying to start a fight, and I'm not going to argue with anyone who disagrees. I know that different people have different thoughts on it. But this is how it is in my story, so if you plan to keep reading, you'll have to get used to it for the time being. Not to worry though, she won't be in the story much at all from now on. Many things have changed, if you haven't noticed!  
> Okei, I'm off to write some more, or maybe sleep. Who knows with me anymore. In any case, thank you for reading, and please let me know what you think.
> 
> KuroRiya  
> 九六りや


	3. Chapter 3

I'd always heard that Titans had unnaturally high body temperatures, but I never imagined it could be this bad. Maybe part of it was the hot breath coming from its throat every time it exhaled, but I felt like I'd been thrown into the brick oven, left to bake like a bit of game. And it was so wet inside of its mouth, not that I could tell if I was wet from its saliva or my own sweat, perhaps a mixture of both. But that was the thing; I was still inside of its mouth. It had made no move to chew or swallow me.

I couldn't fathom a reasoning behind this. I'd never seen a Titan, aberrant or not, that hesitated where food was involved. Maybe it was treating me as I did hard candies, enjoying the flavor before swallowing me? I wondered if I really tasted that good, and couldn't imagine that I did, especially as sweaty as I must have been. I humored the thought that maybe it intended to feed me to another Titan, like birds did with their young. But, as far as we knew, Titans had no reproductive organs, and it would therefore be impossible for them to have offspring. But that only left one theory, and the thought was a little too strange for me to believe it.

Maybe it really didn't plan on eating me at all. It was insane, and I knew it, but it was the only thing I could come up with. Yet, I had to wonder, if it didn't want to eat me, why fight the bearded Titan in the first place? And if it wasn't going to eat me, then what did it plan to do with me? If it just spat me out, I'd either die from the fall, or get eaten by another Titan that stumbled across me. Or maybe it would save me for later? It was unheard of, but not entirely impossible. This one, after all, had proven intelligent. But the Titans didn't have any digestive organs, so it didn't really need to save food for later. If it did, it would be more out of cruelty than necessity. It didn't matter though, I was dead even if it didn't eat me immediately, one way or another. It was just being prolonged.

I let out a loud whimper as I was jostled, my broken leg hurting enough that I was considering crawling into its stomach myself and getting it over with. The Titan was running, its head bobbing with the motion. It was amazing how gentle it was, actually, considering its size. But I could imagine the ground shuddering as it traveled, how the buildings would tremble if it made it past the walls. I had to remind myself that what happened inside of the walls was no longer of my concern. To them, I was dead, a lucky sacrifice to have been eaten by a fifteen metre.

It seemed like an eternity before it ceased its running. I shook, anticipating whatever was about to happen, my stomach sinking with the thought that maybe it had stopped in order to eat me at last. Maybe it just didn't like being watched as it ate, and had been running to escape the eyes of the other Titans? But it had been running an awful long time, surely it had covered miles by then, much further than would have been necessary for privacy. For the first time since it had dropped me into its mouth, its tongue lurched, and I wailed, both from pain and from fear. But instead of tipping its head back and swallowing me, or crushing me against the roof of its mouth, it opened its jaws, sticking its tongue, and me, out.

I tried to crawl away as its fingers came up, obviously intent on plucking me out of its mouth. I wasn't sure which was scarier, staying in its mouth, or being picked up again. I didn't get a lot of choice in the matter though, as my leg left me unable to get away fast enough, and it grabbed me, lifting me up and away. Again, after pulling me out of its mouth, it righted me, holding me underneath my arms, bringing me up to eye level. I looked around quickly, making note of the lack of other Titans, and relaxed a little. At least I only had one to worry about, and it wasn't making any move to harm me.

And so we returned to staring. My confusion was immense, but I could tell that it wanted me to understand something. Its eyes were almost pleading, but still intense. I frowned, wishing I could talk to it, to ask it what it wanted from me, why it hadn't eaten me, why it was so freaking different from anything I'd ever been taught. I realised that I actually hadn't tried. Nobody bothered with trying to communicate anymore, as no Titan had ever shown a reaction to it. But this one was different from the others, so who was to say that speaking to it was a worthless pursuit? I pursed my lips, clearing my throat before I began.

"Um, can you... Can you understand me?" I asked, my voice shaky. But I guess it was loud enough, for it reacted, closing its eyes and snorting through its nose. My eyes widened, my breath hitching in my throat. It could have been coincidental timing, but like I've mentioned before, I don't believe in coincidences.

"R-Really?" I asked, eliciting the same reaction. All I could manage to do was gape at it stupidly. Any other time, I'd have been angry at myself. Here I was talking to a Titan, a Titan that apparently understood me. Nothing like this had ever happened before, it was a scientific goldmine, but all I could do was stare at it dumbly. Granted, I doubt anyone would know quite what to do in that situation. Thankfully, it gave me some time to collect my thoughts, waiting patiently as I put it all together.

"Alright, well... Why haven't you eaten me yet?" I wondered. It made a sighing sound, and I realised I'd have to stick to yes and no questions. "Right, okay, I'll rephrase. Are you going to eat me?"

I wasn't sure if I actually wanted the answer, and I dreaded it, but to my amazement, it shook its head. Again, my breathing hitched, caught in my throat. It could be lying, trying to get me to relax so it would be easier to eat me or something. I simply couldn't fathom the idea that a Titan wanted anything to do with humans if it wasn't eating them. But it hadn't devoured me yet, so I decided to give it a little of my trust, at least for the time being. I didn't have a lot of other options anyway.

"Wow. Um, sorry, I've never talked to a Titan before." I admitted. It rolled its eyes, and I almost laughed, the gesture looking ridiculous on such a terrifying creature. And it was such a human thing to do, I never imagined I'd see it performed by a Titan. I could practically hear it saying "and I've never talked to a Human before, obviously." The voice I gave it in my imagination was oddly familiar.

"So, if you aren't going to eat me, what are you going to do?" I asked. "Are you going to feed me to other Titans?" I continued, shuddering at the thought. It shook its head, and I sighed with relief. "I guess that's good. But just to clear things up, there are no plans of me being eaten by anything in the near future, right?" I questioned, wanting the clarification. It shook its head. I finally let my tense muscles relax, sighing as my body slumped.

"That's great." I admitted. "But I won't survive long if you just leave me somewhere. I'd be a sitting duck anyway, but with this leg I can't even try to run away." I pointed out. "I guess you could take me back to the wall, and leave me there?" I suggested hopefully. It growled a bit, shaking its head. I frowned.

"Well what do you plan on doing with me, if not taking me back to... Oh." I trailed, realising that going back to the wall would be a very stupid mistake to make. It'd be impossible for me to get back inside without assistance, and no one in their right mind would let me go by unreported. I'd been supposedly eaten by a Titan, the annual sacrifice! They'd ask my thousands of questions, and when I couldn't answer them, they'd probably either run experiments on me to see how it is I managed to repel a Titan, or I'd be executed, seen as a traitor to my race for not accepting my death with grace. Or worse even than that, I'd be resacrificed.

"Yeah, okay, that was a bad idea I guess. But then what..." I sighed, knowing it wouldn't be able to answer me. "I guess I'll just have to go along with whatever you decide to do. I don't really have much of a choice in the matter." I trailed. The Titan let out another snort, then began lowering itself, sitting on the ground with a thud. I guess it was tired of holding me up too, for it sat me in its other palm, putting me down as carefully as it could. I still cried out, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been.

I had to catch my breath, the pain having winded me. It looked a bit apologetic, which really threw me off, normal Titans expressing few if any emotions. To be honest, it wasn't a big difference. Its brows were kind of permanently down-turned, making it look furious at all times. But I picked up on a sense of remorse. It was strange, how easily I had adjusted to this communication thing. I guess that might have been a result of the nervousness. But I couldn't feel any malice coming from it, so I was able to relax at least a little, resting my back against its fingers, which were curled just a bit. I thought to myself for a while, wondering what I should ask it next.

"Oh, I guess I should ask. You look pretty male, but do Titan's actually have genders?" This received a nod. I wasn't sure to which question that was the answer to, both I guessed. At least I could think of it as a him with confidence now.

"Alright then. So, what's up with this? Why are you so much smarter than other Titans?" I wondered aloud. It made a sound akin to one I'd make if I was annoyed. "Sorry, I was just thinking out loud. I know you can't answer." I offered. Then I blanched, realising I'd just apologized to a Titan, of all things. It felt wrong, speaking so leisurely with something I'd considered the enemy my whole life. But, at the same time, it felt really familiar, as if I'd spoken with him before, as if I'd known him long ago, but the memory was just too far for me to really remember it. But, again, that was impossible.

"So, are we just going to sit here talking? Not that I have anything better to do, but..." I began, but yelped as he used one of the fingers behind me to nudge me forward. I was scared by it at first, but realised that it hadn't brought any harm to me. It had been akin to a friendly shove. Eren used to do that when I was being sarcastic. I looked back up into his green eyes, the color of grass that poked through the cobblestone in the town, staring at me just as seriously.  
"Why did you save me?" I questioned, clicking my tongue when I realised that he wouldn't be able to answer that one either. His lack of proper vocal cords was frustrating. I wanted real answers, playing this guessing game was infuriating. But instead of giving me another annoyed sound, he opened his mouth, making a few noises before he gave up with a huff. It was another thing he shared with Eren. When I used to explain what I'd learn from a book to Eren, listing off countless scientific words as if they were commonplace, he'd get really frustrated if he couldn't say them as well. He'd try sounding them out a few times, then get fed up and pout about it for a while.

"You remind me of someone I knew." I announced, not having meant to say it at all, simply thinking aloud again. It couldn't hurt to mention it though. It's not like he had a grudge against Eren or anything, as far as I was aware, and I didn't have much else to talk about. But his eyes seemed to light up when I said it, his nostrils flaring as he snorted again.

"Uh, do I know you?" I asked stupidly, not sure what else the reaction could have meant. I could have punched myself for the near imbecilic thought. Of course I didn't know him! He was a Titan, for goodness sake! But he nodded, vigorously, his hand shaking a bit with what seemed to be excitement. I blinked, my eyes narrowing a bit. Sure, he seemed familiar, but when would I have met a Titan? And wouldn't I have remembered an encounter like that? Did that mean that Titans might start off small enough to live among humans? But we would notice such a large population disappearing, even if it was slowly over the years. The population was kept track of very strictly inside the walls, not a single person uncounted for. If someone went missing, it was documented. So that theory was out. But then...

It nodded again, drawing me closer to its face. I gasped, but refrained from flinching, knowing it would hurt, and wouldn't do any good. He brought me close enough that I could reach out and touch him, if I wanted to. I didn't dare though, opting instead to stare at him. Where did I know him from? He seemed convinced that he knew me, but the very idea of it was preposterous.

"Are you... Sure?" I questioned, receiving another nod, this one a bit more frantic. "Well... Would it have been recently that I met you?" I continued. He didn't respond to that one right away, looking to the side to show his indecision. I guess that the answer was pretty subjective.  
"One year ago?" I prompted. He shook his head.

"Two?" Again, negative. I sucked in a breath, looking at his emerald eyes, his dark hair, frowning, the familiarity now haunting. I knew that he looked like Eren, but it was only that. Just looks. Eren wasn't a Titan, I reminded myself. I'd known him my whole life, and he'd always been Eren. I mean, sure, the kid had a penchant for biting, but that didn't mean anything. I had a hard time getting the next number out.

"T-Three?" It came out naught but a whisper, but his head was nodding before I'd even said it. I chocked, emotions welling up. If this was a joke, it was sick. He opened his mouth again, making the same noises from before, but he didn't give up this time, persisting till he managed to say what he wanted to. It was mangled, and nearly incomprehensible, but it was my name.

"Eren?" I breathed, finally reaching a hand out, my arm shaking as I rested it against his cheek. He didn't nod this time, but he didn't need to. It wasn't really a question. Tears welled up in my eyes, blurring my vision, my fingers feeling the warmth of his skin. It explained so much; why he'd fought the bearded Titan for me, why he'd run from the area to escape the other Titans and the prying eyes of the soldiers on the wall, why he hadn't eaten me, why he looked so damn familiar. He reminded me of Eren because he was Eren. I trembled, moving as if to embrace him, to do anything to get closer, but my mangled leg made sure I regretted the action.

"How can this be?" I whimpered, my fingers curling against his cheek. He held still, letting me have my little moment. He couldn't do much, being as huge as he was, so the most comfort he could give me was to allow me to cry myself out. A thousand thoughts were racing through my mind, theories of how he'd come to have this form, another section of my brain devoting itself to sifting through my memories for any indicators I might have missed that Eren was a Titan this whole time. But I could only focus halfheartedly, too busy sobbing and mumbling nonsense into his cheek. For the first time in a long time, I was crying for something good, instead of something lost.

It took me a few minutes to calm down, my body thoroughly exhausted afterward. Eren pulled me back when I stopped sniffling, looking at me again. I smiled weakly, resting again against his fingers. Maybe I should have doubted it, should have assumed that this Titan was lying, trying to get my guard down. But I wanted to believe him, needed to believe him. I was so tired, so broken, and I needed something to cling to. And if this Titan said he was Eren, I'd be damned if I didn't believe him.

He tried to give me warning, looking from me to his shoulder twice before making a move, but I didn't comprehend what he was getting at until he started moving the hand that was holding me towards the shoulder. I put it together when he halted there, tipping his hand a bit. I sighed, bracing myself for the pain, then slid myself over, landing on his shoulder right where it met with his neck. I muffled my scream, not wanting to make him feel bad, but a small noise still came out. I didn't have time to dwell on the pain though, my hands reaching up to grasp at a lock of his hair, the fear of falling otherwise making my stomach lurch. I doubt Eren would have let me fall, but I was very high up, and he wasn't exactly a stationary seat.

He gave me a few seconds to adjust myself and made sure I was holding on before he stood again, walking away from the clearing he'd stopped at. He didn't run, as he had previously, likely trying to avoid knocking me off of his shoulder. My leg ached a bit as it swung limply below me, but it wasn't as bad as swinging from the cords against the wall had been. And I much preferred traveling this way than inside of his mouth.  
Once I grew accustomed to the new form of travel, I was able to relax a bit more, leaning my weight against his trapezius. If I'd been in better condition, I might have enjoyed the trip, being so high up. Despite a slight fear of heights, even I couldn't help but dream of flying. And, with the wind blowing through my hair, it was almost similar, if not cold thanks to my wet clothing. I didn't bother talking to him as he walked, knowing it would be difficult for him to respond without the use of speech. I used the time to think instead.

I wondered again when Eren had become a Titan, how he'd become a Titan. Had he always been like this? Was it something he switched between? Was this body permanent, or did he change from human to Titan? If so, was it at will, or was it triggered somehow? If Eren was like this, did that mean there were others? If there were, did I know any of them? Would I recognize them? It was unlikely, seeing as I'd failed to recognize Eren at first. Did Eren eat humans? He hadn't eaten me, but that didn't mean that he didn't eat others.

But I couldn't seem to make any of my questions matter. All that mattered was that Eren was alive, that he was here, that I was with him again. A fresh round of tears stung at my eyes, but I tried to keep these ones from falling. There would be time to think about this miracle later. For now, I just wanted to trust Eren, to feel safe again.

We covered a lot of ground, despite the slowed pace from before. As we walked, I started to notice the remnants of former civilizations, buildings erected before the Titans appeared, most in some state of moderate to severe ruin. Eren slowed as the buildings became more dense. I looked around, wondering if this is where we had been headed this entire time. But why would he bring me here? He was too large to occupy any of the buildings, so surely he didn't live here.

But as I was gazing around, taking in the destroyed town, my eyes fell on another Titan, this one also about fifteen metres, though it looked shorter than Eren, so maybe more like fourteen. I was a bit mortified by the lack of skin, its muscles showing, but not bleeding. Its hair was about the same color and length as mine, its eyes blue as well. However, as my eyes traced over it, I couldn't help but notice that this one was definitely female. That's all I really had the chance to register before it turned our way and began approaching. I whimpered, clamping onto the lock of hair tighter, scared that she meant to attack us. But Eren didn't move, didn't even tense. She came to a stop before him, and they made eye contact for a moment before she glanced at me, then back at Eren. After they stared at each other for a bit, she nodded, tilting her head backwards, a gesture I took to mean that we could proceed. As we passed, I remembered that the soldiers had claimed that Eren was eaten by a female Titan. Was this the one? Did that mean that she had saved him? I glanced back, but she had already looked away.

He walked deeper into the old town, the buildings looking to be in better repair the further in we got. And, to my surprise, I started seeing humans. I thought I was hallucinating at first, but sure enough, if I looked closely, I could see a few people strolling along below, paying Eren hardly any mind at all. I was appalled. I knew it was Eren, so I knew he wouldn't hurt me, but had these people lost all their sense? He could smash them in an instant, could pick them up and chew them to pieces!

But I started to notice that he was stepping very carefully, and it dawned on me that he was taking it so slowly as to avoid stepping on the people. But that, coupled with the peoples' lack of interest in him must mean that he did, in fact, live here. And I suppose that would mean that he didn't eat people, thank goodness. But I had to wonder where he called home, being as big as he was. I didn't see any buildings that would be large enough for him to fit inside, not even close.

He continued marching, finally coming to a stop in front of what seemed to be the largest building. It looked like it was once a grand castle, but it had fallen into mild disrepair. Still, it looked like humans could occupy it, and if the people filing out were any indication, they did. It was about ten people, all of them coming out to the topmost level of the castle that was still in tact. Eren lowered one of his hands down, one of the people stepping over the ledge and onto his palm. The hand came back up, bringing the person, a man, into view.

He was short, I realised, even shorter than me. But I could tell by his posture and face that he was older, and definitely stronger. He had a commanding air about him. And he, just as Eren had been, was vaguely familiar. I would have guessed that he was part of the military, if he wasn't out here in the middle of nowhere. Then again, he did have maneuver gear on. I racked my brain, searching my memories for his black hair and icy blue eyes. He didn't seem to notice me, looking at Eren, who nodded his head in my direction. His eyes then fell on me, and I froze, his scrutiny obvious on his face.

He looked back at Eren, nodding his head and jumping back to the castle, landing gracefully despite the distance. That's what made it click.

"C-Captian Levi!" I stuttered, but he couldn't have heard me from his position. Eren snorted though, affirming my identification. What would someone of his rank, of the military at all, be doing out here, conversing with a Titan as if it was commonplace? I had so many questions I wanted to ask, but knew it wasn't my place. If I got a chance, I'd ask Eren later. There was simply too much going on for me to even try to put a theory together in that moment.

Eren reached across his chest, holding his hand out for me, bringing it as close to me as he could. I gritted my teeth, dragging my weight over, biting my lip harshly against the pain, managing not to scream this time. Once he was sure I wouldn't fall, he lowered me toward the building, and when his hand lay flush with the floor, he opened his fingers. Several of the people that had gathered scurried onto his palm.  
One was allowed on first, a tall woman sporting glasses that were strapped to her head. She gave me a small smile before beginning to look me over, poking different parts of my body gently. I wanted to ask what she was doing, but I was scared; I didn't know who these people were, why they were here, or what they wanted. She had made it most of the way down my body, then poked the broken leg, earning a strangled cry from me in return. This brought a frown to her face.

"I figured something must be wrong for Eren to have carried you this far. Is it broken badly?" She questioned. My lip trembled, not sure if I should answer. I settled for just nodding, but that was enough for her. "Of course it is. But at least it's still there at all. It could have been ripped off. Poor Marco lost a leg and an arm. It's a miracle we managed to patch him up at all..." She trailed, talking to herself more so than me. I blinked at the familiar name, remembering two older boys, one tall, with freckles that had sometimes played with Eren, Mikasa and I. The other boy was named Jean, and he and Eren usually ended up butting heads. Marco would always drag his friend off, apologizing for his behavior. He'd been sacrificed the year before Eren, and I didn't see much of Jean after that. Surely she couldn't be talking about the same Marco.

She explained my condition to everyone gathered, and told them to be careful of the leg while they moved me. That didn't mean that it didn't hurt, but they did their best to favor it while they lifted me up and onto a stretcher. They started carrying me into the building, and I tried to look back over towards Eren, wanting some form of reassurance that this was okay, that they weren't going to do anything terrible to me, but he wasn't there anymore, to my dismay. All that remained where his fifteen metre body had been was a cloud of steam, dissipating as I was moved away from it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I think this might be the last one I'll be able to get out before I go to Toronto for a Supernatural Convention. I'm leaving this Thursday, and I work every day till. So, what I'm saying is, the next chapter is going to be a little delayed, at least a week. (at LEAST). But I'm honestly surprised how fast I'm getting these chapters out. Usually it takes me ages to get a chapter written for my other stories, but I guess that this one just really holds my attention, and I just really want to get it written. I might get another one started before I go, but like I said, don't expect it till I get back.
> 
> I'd really like to thank everyone who has reviewed, or commented, or reblogged, or followed, or whatever it is you've done on whichever site. I have this posted in four places, so trying to keep it all straight is a bit cumbersome, but I love when my inbox is full of notifications for this story. The first chapter wasn't as much of a hit as the second, but I got quite a lot of encouragement once the second one was up. I'm so relieved that the SnK fandom hasn't eaten me just yet; I was really worried that I wasn't going to be able to write for this show. As I've mentioned before, I've been almost exclusively writing SuFin the past few years, so this was a huge step outside of my comfort zone. But I'm really glad I decided to write this, and thank goodness I had the courage to post it. I would have been missing out if I hadn't.  
> As you can probably see, I've already hinted at the possibility of Marco. So I suppose it's safe to say that you can expect a side pairing of Jean and Marco to appear later on. I have some plans, trust me. I'm not sure if there will be any other big side pairings, but I'll try to mention them as they become official in my mind. But for now, we'll just let Armin freak out about everything. It's what he does best.
> 
> I have some explaining to do, but it'll have to wait till next time. I hope everyone is still interested enough to keep reading! Thank you for reading so far, and as I always say, you can never get too much feedback.
> 
> KuroRiya
> 
> 九六りや


	4. Chapter 4

The woman who was giving me a checkup elicited a scream from me thrice before deciding that she'd have to administer some anesthesia before she could do any kind of good. I tried to hold my breath when she brought the bottle to my nose, but one can only hold their breath for so long. I didn't want to be put to sleep; there was too much for me to figure out. I didn't know where I was, who this woman was, where Eren had gone. Was I safe, were they going to take care of me? But I couldn't fight the chemicals as they wafted into my lungs, and I felt the world around me begin to fade into a fuzziness, slowly, teasing, as if I had a choice.

Another person entered the room, about the same height as me, maybe a little taller, I couldn't tell. His hair was dark, and I wondered if maybe it was Captain Levi. But no, he was shorter than me. I tried to focus my eyes, to look at his face. He turned it my way, and I saw the bright green of his eyes, the color enough for me to recognise him. But wasn't Eren a huge Titan? Was I hallucinating, maybe because of the anesthesia? It didn't matter; I reached my hand out, trying, in vain, to call his name. I knew it couldn't even remotely be close to the correct pronunciation, but I guess he heard me and understood, because the figure approached, and I could faintly feel fingers lacing with mine. That was all I was able to take note of before my consciousness faded, but it was enough to put me at ease.

When I came to, my aching leg was the first thing that surfaced into my awareness. It was dull, throbbing. It took me a moment to recall that it had been broken, and that someone had likely operated on it while I was out. Still, I didn't open my eyes. I was scared of what I'd see if I did. The possibilities were truly endless. I'd woken to many terrible things in my life. Instead, I let my other senses take in my surroundings. It was quiet, my breathing the only thing I picked up on immediately. But, as I listened, I could pick out another breathing pattern, just slightly dissonant with my own. That meant there was someone else in the room. With that knowledge, I was able to focus more specifically, and finally felt the pressure on my fingers. Someone was holding my hand, firmly, but with enough gentleness that it wasn't painful.

I opened my eyes at last, my curiosity getting the better of my good judgment. The ceiling came into view as I blinked into focus. It was grey, the entire room a bit dark, leading me to guess that it was likely evening time. That meant I'd been asleep for about five hours, if I was gauging the time correctly. Once I was sure my eyes were working properly, I shifted them, turning my head to the left, the side of the hand that was being held. My breath hitched as my gaze fell on Eren.

He was older now, of course, his body proportioned better and covered with a decent amount of lean muscle. Just as I'd guessed, Eren had grown into his lankiness. His hair was a bit longer than he used to keep it, but still cut in the same style, his bangs just barely brushing his brow and parted down the center. But despite the growth spurt, he was still Eren, unmistakeably. He'd heard my noise of surprise, and looked up at me, his eyes just as brilliant as they'd always been, and just as full of purpose, of hope and dreams. I wanted to ask him how he'd managed to keep his dreams alive, despite what had happened, wanted to ask how it was that he was before me, looking as he always did, when the last time I'd seen him he'd been fifteen metres tall, and dead even before that. I wanted to ask him how he'd known that I'd need saving that day, how he'd managed to get to me in time, how he'd let me believe he was dead all this time. But all that came out was a sob and a mangled cry of his name.

He smiled, just like he used to, a toothy grin.

"Hey Armin." He greeted, casually. He probably would have said something teasing if I hadn't shot upright and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him towards me. His voice was the same. I could hear a significant rasp, the remnant of puberty left behind not so long ago, but it was his. I ignored the spike of pain from my leg, whimpering into his shoulder as I squeezed, breathed him in, convincing myself slowly that he was really there, in my arms, before me, not dead, not lost. He had tensed at the contact initially, but relaxed, returning my embrace, patting my back as I hiccuped, practically hysterical.

"It's good to see you too." He assured, still patting me gently. "But you really ought to lay down, or you might mess that leg up more." He pointed out. I shook my head, stubbornly tightening my hold, burying my face into the crook of his neck. He chuckled, leaning his head against mine, the pressure pleasant, reassuring. "You always get so hysterical when you see me, do I make you that sad?" He joked, and I remembered how I'd cried through most of my final visitation with him.

I eventually calmed down, letting him go. He smiled again, carding his fingers through my hair, then grimacing.

"Yuck, you're totally gross. I guess that's my bad though..." He trailed, looking down at my leg. "That too." He said, a small glare invading his previously happy expression. "I should have gotten there sooner. He could have ripped it off." He growled. I watched his fingers clench, but shook my head.

"I'm alive." I whispered. He looked up, seeming surprised. "You're alive." I added as an afterthought, looking him over. He frowned, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly.

"Yeah. Sorry that I couldn't tell you. I'll explain everything later, I promise. But right now I have to go report to Levi. He's been waiting. To be honest, I'm surprised he hasn't dragged me out yet." Eren said, smiling a little at what must have been a personal joke. My brows drew upwards at the words.

"You're... Leaving." I supplied, my mind still a bit dull from the inhalant. He took my hand, nodding.

"Just for a little while. Long enough to tell him what happened and update him on your condition. Then I'll be back, I promise. You can ask me anything you want. Just wait for me, okay?" He requested, giving my hand a squeeze. I wanted him to stay, to answer my questions now, to be near me, to prove that he was really alive. But I knew he had to go, so I nodded, laying back down to wait out the time without him. He smiled appreciatively, squeezing my hand again before standing.

"I'll be back as soon as I can, and we'll get you cleaned up. In the meantime, try to relax." He called, sparing me one last smile before he disappeared through a doorway.

I sighed, trying not to acknowledge my new loneliness. I told myself that I needed to be content with the news of Eren's being alive. And he'd promised to answer all of my questions upon his return, so there was no need for me to theorize. Of course, me being who I am, I was already devising countless theories anyway.

My first thought was that Eren, after somehow becoming a Titan, had gathered a bunch of people and become their ruler. I think that one was a result of lingering anesthesia. Besides, he was reporting to Captain Levi, which meant he was subordinate to him, meaning he was not the highest in the chain of command. So my next guess was that I was already dead, and this was some sort of limbo, not quite heaven, not quite hell, just whatever my mind conjured. But I couldn't imagine all of this up, I realised. So next, I guessed that the annual sacrifices were a hoax. Maybe no one was sacrificed at all. Maybe everyone but the townspeople were in on it. But that couldn't be the case; they wouldn't dangle us low enough for other Titans to reach us if they didn't intend for them to eat us. And some people were brutally ripped apart, so not everyone was saved.  
Then that meant that there must be a small faction, a select few, that were against the practise. Captain Levi was proof enough that this wasn't totally off base. But if that was the case, then how did it work? I wracked my brain countless times, trying to come up with a feasible scenario, but none came to mind. I was just starting to get frustrated when the door opened again. I looked at it warily, but relaxed when it was Eren that entered.

"Hey, I'm back." He announced, heading over to me. He sat down in the same spot as earlier, smiling at me. I was silent, wondering if I could start asking questions, or if there was something else he wanted to talk about first. He sighed. "I know you're dying to ask, so go ahead."

"Where am I?" I asked, no hesitation.

"It's an old town that was abandoned when the Titans first came. We use it as a sort of base camp now." He explained.  
"Who is we?"

"People who oppose the practices inside of the wall, I suppose. We don't have a special name or anything. Most of the people that live here were sacrifices that we've managed to save." He offered. I blanched.

"How many are here? They only make a sacrifice once a year."

"We're nearing two hundred people. Do you think our town is the only one that has the ceremony?" He asked. I frowned, not having considered that before. "And not all of us were sacrifices. Some are people that we trusted enough to keep the secret, people we needed. All of the people that came out when I brought you were military personnel, the ones trusted by Erwin and Levi." He explained. I didn't miss the mention of Commander Erwin. So he was in on it too? That made two very powerful military figureheads that were totally against the practises inside of the walls. And then the other part of his answer registered with me.  
"If you can bring people you trust, why didn't you come for me? For Mikasa? Why don't you go for Mikasa now?" I demanded. He sighed, biting his lip.

"It doesn't work like that. We can't bring everyone, or the people inside the wall would get suspicious. If we do go in for someone, it has to be a few years after we're sacrificed, the number varies. If I'd come back for you and Mikasa immediately, it would have sent a red flag to the people inside the wall, because it was common knowledge that you two were my closest friends." He reasoned. It sounded scripted, like he'd heard it countless times. Eren wouldn't have taken the time to figure all of that out on his own, so someone must have told him the same thing before. "I had already requested for you two though." He added sheepishly. "They were sending out for you next month."  
"Just me?" I pried. He frowned.

"Yeah, just you." He confirmed.

"What about Mikasa?"  
"She's scheduled for next year." He supplied. I had to take that in, and my heart swelled a bit when I realised that Eren must have asked for me first. I was baffled, but flattered. I took a moment to gather all the knowledge I'd acquired since we started talking, trying to sort out what questions I still needed to ask. I decided to backtrack a little.

"What's the goal of this... Organization?" I asked. He blinked, thinking over his answer.

"To live independent of the wall and the rules of the people inside. Everyone here thinks that the sacrifices are stupid and wasteful, not to mention awful and inhumane. We're trying to survive on our own, and build up a big enough population that when the people inside do eventually notice us, we have enough strength to fight back. Hopefully we can help others see some sense..." He said, this sounding a bit practised as well. I decided to make a topic change.

"Okay. So you were saved, like me, by that female Titan I saw earlier?" I wondered. He nodded. "Alright, well, how did she know when to show up. How did you know when to show up?"

"Levi. He's a Captain inside the walls, I'm sure you know that. So he knows everything there is to know about the sacrifices. He knows who it's going to be, and when." He replied easily.

"And that's why it was you that came for me?" I questioned. He nodded again. "Do you guys save everyone?"

He looked uncomfortable, eventually sighing.

"We can't. If we did, the soldiers would start catching on. I actually broke our rules to get you. We usually wait and hope that the Titan who gets the sacrifice swallows them whole. Then we follow it and cut them out. It's not surefire, but it's better than just letting them die. Better to lose a limb than to die." He admitted. I nodded, understanding the reasoning behind their practices.

"Are you in trouble for breaking the rules for me?" I demanded. He shrugged.

"Levi yelled at me, but it'll be alright. He knows you're valuable, so he didn't fuss too much." He assured me, confusing me unintentionally.

"Valuable? Me?" I repeated, wanting to laugh at the thought.

"Yeah, definitely. I told him all about how smart you are, and how fast you learn, and how much you already know about the world out here, and he was finally convinced when I told him about how you used to make those awesome plans to get us out of trouble or outmaneuver one of those assholes that chased us for stealing one stupid piece of candy!" He elaborated, grumbling a bit towards the end at the memory of the candy shop owner and his broom. "Oh, and he liked the bit about you having photographic memory. That's part of the reason he agreed to get you before Mikasa." He added. I blinked. Was my bookish nature really enough to merit my coming before Mikasa? She was strong, the best at everything she did, whereas the only thing I could do was spout useless knowledge. But it didn't really matter, I was here now. I put that from my mind, deciding to open my next topic.

"Okay, Eren, please, explain what's happened to you." I plead, my eyes seeking out his. He chuckled lowly.  
"I'm surprised you waited this long to ask about that." He admitted. "A lot has happened to me." He began. "After I was saved, I was really messed up for a while. I was hanging there for what felt like years, and seeing all those Titans coming so close to eating me was enough to send anyone to the brink of insanity. You're handling it better than most do, actually. It took Levi a few months to get me functioning properly again. But, as much of an asshole as he is," he paused here, giving me a look that promised I'd soon be learning of Levi's assholery, "he really helped me. He got me back on my feet, taught me how to fight, taught me to channel all of my fear and my hate into a counterattack against the Titans."

He stopped for a moment, taking a large breath and collecting his thoughts.

"I heard about my mom disappearing a few months after I was saved, and we weren't involved in that one. It really hit me when I got the news, but it just made me all the angrier, and more desperate. I begged Levi to go for my father before he could do something stupid like my mom, and he did, but he couldn't find my father anywhere. Apparently he'd already disappeared. As I'm sure you know, it looks like he went somewhere, and is in hiding. We still haven't found him." He trailed. I reached out, taking his shoulder in my hand and giving it a squeeze.

"I started to get really frustrated. I realised how pathetic I was, how little I could do. And, well, I asked them to turn me into a Titan. It doesn't matter who you ask, they won't tell you how they do it. All I know is that they injected me with something, and a month later I could become one. It's kind of messed up, right?" He said, looking up at me. "I have to become what I hate the most to stand a chance against them at all. I'm sure you're ashamed of my decision, but there isn't anything else I could have done. I got pretty good at using the maneuver gear, I even managed to kill a couple of them. But then something would go wrong, and someone would have to save me. I can't tell you how many times I almost died. They used to yell at me for being reckless, said that I was too angry for my own good. It ended up working to my advantage with the shifting though; You have to have a purpose in mind before you can change. It's twisted, I know, but it's been more good than bad, when I add everything up. I was able to save you today, and I can protect the people living here, and kill any Titans that come my way." He continued, kind of rambling, as if he didn't want to think about it too much, didn't want me to think about it too much. But I, of course, did.

"You... You asked them to make you like this?" I repeated. He winced a bit.

"Yeah. I'm not the only one. The female you saw earlier? And there are a few others. I know it seems strange to you, but it's really increased our chances of surviving out here. We've figured out how to repel Titans, and if any do come anywhere close, it's easy for us to dispatch them, since nearly all of us shifters are at least fifteen metres."

I had to process it all in my mind. Eren had chosen to become a Titan? Eren, who'd dreamt of killing every Titan in existence and exploring the outside world? It seemed laughable, and yet, it was the truth. I'd seen it, seen him. I turned my eyes to his, and was overwhelmed by the desperation that his emerald orbs held. He was pleading, begging me not to hate him, not to rebuke him for his decision. He wanted, more than anything else in that moment, for me to accept him for what he is, what he'd become since I'd last seen him. He needed forgiveness, someone to tell him that he hadn't made a mistake.

I reached out, pulling him to me so that his forehead rested in the crook of my neck. It took him a moment, but he relaxed, pressing into the small embrace, his lashes brushing my neck as he closed his eyes. I didn't say anything, too scared that the wrong words would come out, instead settling for running my fingers through his hair. He didn't cry, but his breathing was riddled with shudders, and I knew it was taking all he had not to. He was scared. I was scared. We were still just children, really.  
They say that you become an adult when you turn eighteen, but what does that even mean? I was still terrified of the world, of what living in it entailed. I wasn't ready to take care of myself, despite having done it for years since my grandfather's death. I wanted someone to hold me while I wept and screamed about the unfairness of it all, to complain about the lack of choice. I wanted to make mistakes and not have to take responsibility for them on any level higher than a swat on the bottom or a tug to the ear. I wanted to laugh and play, to have free time that I didn't have to devote to survival. I wanted to be able to tell Eren that he wasn't wrong, that he'd made the right choice, and that it would okay. I wanted to believe it. But I couldn't, I wasn't allowed even that bit of childish stupidity and trust.

The fact of it was, I didn't know if Eren had made the right choice. I was alive because of it, but he had literally become the thing he hated more than anything in the world. I could see it eating him, from the inside out, just like the Titan he was. He didn't even see it, see his jaws slowly closing on his own frail soul. Or maybe he did, and he was ignoring it. I wanted to believe in him, to support the decision he'd made, but I couldn't put my heart into it. All I could do was squeeze him closer, drawing him onto the bed with me.

He was careful of my leg, settling on the right side of my body, the side that wasn't wrapped tightly in a splint. Once he'd found a good spot, he snuggled up, wrapping an arm around my waist as he used to do when we were still young in Shiganshina, still youthful enough that it wasn't abnormal for two boys to be wrapped up in each other on a bed. If anyone were to enter now, they might think us odd, but it could easily be chalked up to us having missed one another during our long separation. Regardless, I didn't care what anyone thought, all I cared about was Eren's body, a little too warm, pressed against mine, alive, there. I could feel his chest rise and fall as his lungs filled with air, could even pick out the gentle thudding of his heartbeat, feel the hot breath as it fell from his lips, all of it definite proof that he was really beside me, that all of this was real.

He might have changed more than I could have imagined. He could become a Titan at will, could pick me up between two fingers and fit me in his mouth with room to spare. He could eat me, if he really wanted to, could eat anyone, or could crush them without a second thought. But at the same time, he was small, broken even more severely than my leg. He'd made a choice that he couldn't unmake, and he hated himself for it, more than he even realised. He was afraid of people, of what they thought of him, of what I thought of him. How could he expect anyone to accept him if he couldn't even accept himself? What right had he, a person who had become the enemy, to beg forgiveness for his choice?

I wondered if he could hear my thoughts, for he shifted against me, bringing his head to rest on my shoulder. I brought my right hand around his back so that he wouldn't cut off my circulation, and crossed my left arm over my body to drape it on top of the one he had wrapped around my waist. He sighed, the puff of air stirring a bit of my hair.

None of it mattered, I realised. I didn't care that Eren had made this choice, that he regretted it. Because he was alive, and I was alive, and we were reunited, able to tangle our limbs together and breath in the sweet scent of the others' sweat, and in my case, a good coating of dried saliva. I frowned as I realised that I was still filthy, but decided not to bring it up, not particularly wanting Eren to move. I'd wait until he mentioned it again. For the time being, I was content to fall into a small nap, warm enough with Eren's body heat next to me that I didn't even need to request a blanket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the wait, I just got back from Canada, and didn't have time to write while I was there. Salute to Supernatural was great, and I got to kiss Misha Collins on the cheek. He liked my underbust thing. He smiled at me. I am fucking in love with a thirty-eight year old man and I'm not even sorry.
> 
> Ahem. Feel free to check out the pic on my facebook page. https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=654581641259359&set=a.654581637926026.1073741828.556872327696958&type=1&theater   
> Anywho, I'm back and ready for action. However, I need to start working on a chapter for my SuFin story, and those take me a bit longer than do these chapters, so there might be a little wait for the next one. I'm also doing eremin prompts on tumblr for eremin week, so I'm a busy gal, needless to say.
> 
> I just want to thank everyone for reading and leaving feedback! I'm a bit scared about this chapter, as I'm not entirely sure if I've got Eren down as well as I have Armin down, but if not, give me a some leeway, I've never written him before. I'll figure it out, slowly but surely.
> 
> Alright, back to writing! Maybe I can finish a prompt before work! Wish me luck, and see you in the next chapter!
> 
> KuroRiya  
> 九六りや


	5. Chapter 5

Eren woke me about half an hour later. At some point he had requested a bucket of warm water be delivered to the infirmary, and he gently shook my shoulder to get me up for a bath. I hadn't really slept enough to be crabby about being woken, though I did grumble as he helped me into an upright position, gently picking me up and carrying me over to a stool. Despite his tenderness, I still hissed in pain as I was lifted. He frowned, glancing down at the leg that was causing me so many problems.

I'd never had to deal with a badly broken bone before. Sure, I'd broken a few fingers in my time, and even an arm once, but none of those had hurt as bad as my leg did. I wondered if it was just because of the less advanced medical supplies, or if it was because of the multiple fractures. Perhaps it was both. Regardless, I was acutely aware of how much trouble I was going to have getting around. Eren would probably have to assist me for a long time, and I might not be able to walk properly, even after it healed. That made my stomach drop, so I stopped thinking about it.

He sat me down on the wooden stool, right next to a drain, then began undoing the buttons of my shirt. I let him pull it off, not caring what its fate was. The shirt was old, patched in several places, and now covered in Titan spit. Even with a good scrubbing, it would probably never be wearable again. The same went for my pants, which Eren was contemplating, trying to figure out the best way to remove them without jostling my leg. Upon looking down, I noticed that they'd already been cut to right above the break, likely to allow someone to treat it.  
"Just cut them off." I suggested. He nodded, standing to search for a pair of scissors.

"I'll let you borrow some of my clothes until we can get you some of your own. They'll be a little big, but it's better than nothing." He pointed out, returning with scissors in hand. I nodded, wincing as he cut into the leg of my pants. It's not that I was particularly attached to the pants, I was just so used to scarce resources that wasting perfectly good cloth kind of went against my morals. But I reminded myself that it wasn't perfectly good, it was old, and torn, and filthy, and already cut beyond repair anyway.

Eren made quick work of the task, lifting me to remove the article entirely, leaving me in my underwear. It was kind of cold in the room without any clothing on, but I did my best to keep my body from shivering, because I knew it would only hurt in the end. Eren gave me a sympathetic look, rubbing my back absently.

"Do you want to keep these on?" He asked, glancing down to my remaining clothing. I considered it for a moment. It wasn't really a question of my liking for the underwear, rather my comfort level. But it was just Eren, and I'd really rather be clean, head to toe. I shook my head, and he removed them as well, discarding them with the rest of my disgusting clothing.

It had been years since I had lain myself bare before him, but it wasn't uncomfortable. We used to take baths together at his house when his mother deemed us too filthy to enter otherwise. Eren always made a fuss of it, but I always enjoyed it. My grandfather wasn't strong enough to draw the water and heat it for me, so if I wanted a bath I had to do it myself. I usually just settled for washing from the basin. But Eren's mother would help us, heating the water on the stove for us. And she'd add more heated water as we bathed, so that it didn't chill.

Eren got to work, dipping a towel into the steaming water in the bucket and then rubbing it against a bar of soap, bringing it across my chest. It was still a little too hot, but I didn't complain, wanting to be rid of the filth I'd collected during the day. I was a bit disappointed that I wouldn't be getting a proper bath, but there wasn't much to be done with my leg in its current state. The splint couldn't get wet, and I couldn't exactly take it off either. So I'd be stuck with rub downs for a while.

"I'll draw you a real bath as soon as you're out of that thing." He promised, as if he'd read my mind. I smiled, lifting my arm so he could clean that as well.

"That sounds wonderful." I admitted, closing my eyes as he continued washing me. It was relaxing, the way he gently rubbed the soap into my skin, then rinsed it off with a small splash of the water. It was akin to getting a massage, but all over instead of in a specific place. Not that I had a lot of experience with that. Mikasa and I sometimes traded massages after working, but it never lasted long, as we were both usually too tired to do much.

But Eren was diligent, making sure every inch he could get to was clean. Once he'd finish with my body, he helped me lay back, dipping my hair in the bucket, then scrubbing some soap into it, working the suds to a lather before he dipped me again. He rung my hair out before he helped me back up. He left me on the stool, going over to a counter and picking up the towel that had been left there, draping that over my shoulders. I smiled as thanks, drawing it close around my form.

"Feel better?" He wondered, leaning against the wall.

"Much. Thanks for the help." I replied, yawning.

"You want to go back to sleep?" He asked, but I shook my head.

"No, sorry, just groggy. I wouldn't mind some clothes though." I said, and he tensed, as if he'd forgotten. Well, to be honest, he probably had.

"Oh, yeah, give me one second. I've got to run to my cabin. I'll be right back!" He swore as he left the room. I rolled my eyes. As if I had any choice but to wait for him. Not only was a completely naked, towel aside, I was also unable to move around by myself. I settled into my towel further, trying to get comfortable on the stool. From the sounds of it, it was going to take him a few minutes to come back.

While he was gone, I thought about my situation. I'd been thinking about Eren and the past we shared this whole time, but I hadn't really thought about our future. I assumed I'd be living in this town with him, but I was a bit scared of the idea. There were no walls, no protection from the Titans. (Not that the walls really protected us all that much.) Eren said it was safe, that they'd learned how to repel Titans, but I'd never heard of such things, and I couldn't wrap my mind around the thought. But Eren had survived here for three years, so it must be safer than I was giving it credit for.

Where would I be staying? I hadn't asked Eren before he left, though I was starting to wish I had. Would I be given my own living space? I didn't have any money to pay for it, but then, neither would any of the other sacrifices. So they must just claim their own space. But I wouldn't be able to live alone, at least, not at first. I was going to need help until my leg healed. I wondered if Eren planned for me to stay with him. It was very likely, he'd always begged me to move in with his family when we were children. Then again, there was the distinct possibility that he'd grown to like his solitude. I'd have to ask him about it later.

I heard footsteps coming down the hallway outside the door, and judging by the hurried pace, I guessed it was Eren. Sure enough, it was his head of brown hair that poked through the door, followed by the rest of him. He was panting, and I frowned.

"You didn't have to run, I'm not going anywhere." I mused. He gave me a grin, his chest still rising and falling harshly.

"I didn't want anyone coming in and taking advantage of you while I was gone." He retorted. I quirked a brow, lifting my arms so he could slip a shirt over my head.

"Is that something I'm going to have to worry about here?" I questioned. He bit his lip as he smoothed the shirt over my chest.

"Well, there are some pretty weird people here, but Hanji is really the only one you have to worry about." He grumbled. I tilted my head to the side, a habit I'd had since I was young.

"Who is that?" I asked, and he scratched the back of his head.

"You met them earlier. When I put you down?" He offered, and I thought back to all the people I'd seen.

"The tall lady with glasses?" I supplied. He pursed his lips.

"You're thinking of the right person, but... Hanji isn't a she." He said. My brows furrowed. They'd looked pretty female to me, but I wasn't completely lucid at the time.

"Then he. He looked at my leg before everyone came to pick me up." I recalled. Eren's face still didn't change from that expression though.

"Uh, no, 'he' isn't really right either." He mumbled. I blinked, thinking about it before I put two and two together.

"Oh! Would 'they' be more appropriate?" I wondered.

"Yeah, that's pretty standard. Don't feel bad if you mess up the first few times though, we all do. It's not something any of us has ever had to deal with, so using neutral terms is kind of hard." He admitted. I nodded, sticking one of my legs through the underwear he had provided.

"I've never heard of someone not being either, but I guess that's not anything bad. It doesn't really make a difference to me." I decided, looking down at my splinted leg. He got the idea and helped me slip the other leg through, pulling the fabric up until the band of it found my hips.

"You're taking it a lot better than most people do." He said with a sigh. "They usually avoid Hanji when they can, until they get comfortable around them." He continued. "Nobody really has a choice in the matter though. Hanji's the resident expert on Titans, and they're pretty handy in the infirmary too."  
He helped me into the pants, having me hold them up as he looped a belt around my hips, tightening it so that the pants wouldn't fall off.

"I forgot how tiny you are." He muttered, picking me up and carting me back over to the bed. He let me sit instead of laying me down, and I leaned against to wall to support my back.

"I hit a growth spurt recently, believe it or not. I'm about five seven now." I retorted, crossing my arms over my chest. He chuckled, plopping down next to me on the bed.

"Still not as tall as me." He pointed out, ducking as I swiped at him.

"Whatever. I'm still growing." I pouted, letting out a huff of air.  
"Think you'll get taller than me?" He wondered. I nodded vigorously.

"Yeah! My dad was really tall, so I'll take after him. Just you wait!" I replied. I instantly regretted it when I saw the mischievous look on his face.

"I don't know, fifteen metres is pretty hard to beat..." He trailed, and I groaned.

"That doesn't count."

"It totally counts, what are you talking about?"

"It doesn't count." I said, stubbornness lacing my tone. He just laughed, getting back up.

"Whatever you say. I'm going to throw away your old clothes, unless you don't want me to." He informed me, picking them up. I shook my head.

"Throw them away. They're ruined anyway."

He headed over to the trash bin in the room, and he was about to drop the clothes in when I remembered.

"Ah, wait!" I yelled, and he froze, his stance kind of funny. He looked over at me like I was crazy. "There's... There's candy in my pocket." I announced. He quirked a brow, but didn't argue, pulling the remnants of my pants out from the other fabric, letting the rest fall into the bin. It took some navigating of the scraps, but he eventually found my pocket and fished the little bag out. After discarding my pants, he came to sit beside me again, handing me the bag. I took it, and was relieved to find that it wasn't damp. With any luck, the candy might still be alright. Upon looking inside, I found the candy still intact, looking as tasty as it had when Mikasa had given it to me.

I couldn't help myself, laughter spilling from my lips. I'd saved this candy, even though it was pointless at the time, as I'd believed I'd be dying soon. But for some reason, I'd been unable to throw it away or leave it to rot, so I'd shoved it in my pocket. And here I was, suddenly glad I'd done it. Eren was looking at me curiously, probably worried I had lost my mind. I was laughing at nothing, after all.

I dumped the bag out on the bed between us, and his eyes lit up when he saw what it was.

"Holy shit, Armin! Where did you get this?" He demanded, staring at it hungrily.

"Mikasa gave it to me. I think it was her parting gift." I said solemnly. He frowned, but didn't take his eyes from the treats. I laughed, picking up one of the few remaining pink candies. I'd elected to eat mostly strawberry flavored ones in the cell, since it was the last thing I would ever eat, or so I thought. "You can have the green ones." I offered, and he didn't hesitate to take a handful and shove them into his mouth. The look on his face was enough to tell me that he hadn't had candy since he'd been sacrificed. I tried to smile, happy I'd supplied him with something he'd missed so much. But it was bittersweet, for I was forced to realise how much Eren had lost three years ago. He must have been hurting, more than I could ever know. I reached over, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and bringing him close to me. He fidgeted, picking up the rest of the candy and moving it to his other side, scooting over to return the embrace. I giggled when he reached behind him to grab a piece, thinking I wouldn't notice if he moved slowly. I didn't mind though, there was no one else I'd rather give the sweet to.

"I'll make some for you when I can walk." I decided. I'd watched Carla do it enough times that I could figure it out for myself. He pulled away from me to flash a broad grin, stained green already from the candy, nodding eagerly.

"It's better homemade. This stuff is from the store, right?" He asked, gesturing towards the now very small pile of remaining candy.

"Yeah. I don't think Mikasa had time to make it herself."

"It took a few days to make, if I remember. Mom used to leave it in jars in the kitchen. It was like torture, waiting for all the crystals to grow." He recalled, and I laughed.

"But it was worth it in the end." I reminded him, laying my head against his shoulder.

"I guess so. I wish I could see that again. You know, my kitchen, all the jars, mom..." He murmured. I inhaled a little too sharply, my fingers seeking out his and tangling them together. His fingers squeezed mine, and I returned the gesture. "But hey, I have you here now, so that's a big improvement already." He said, his tone light again. I sighed, a small smile growing on my lips again.

"For me too." I agreed. And it was true. Life without Eren had been miserable, tiresome. And now, even though I was in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by people I didn't know, I was already exponentially more comfortable. I knew I was safe with Eren, knew he'd take care of me when I just couldn't anymore. That reminded me...

"Eren?" I prompted. He made a noise to affirm that he was listening. "Where am I going to stay?" I asked. He scoffed, as if it was a stupid question. Maybe it was.

"With me, of course." He stated simply. "I have an extra room in my cabin anyway. I'll have to clean it out for you, and we'll have to make you a bed, but you can't exactly stay by yourself like this. I'd be surprised if you could even manage on crutches." He trailed, shaking me gently, a playful gesture from our childhood.

"I don't think I can even use crutches right now. It hurts to even look at my leg the wrong way." I complained, earning a nudge.

"Don't make me feel any worse about it."  
"Right, sorry." I apologized, then we fell into silence. It could have been awkward, but I didn't mind it, just taking some time to be together like that. It was quiet for quite a few minutes, allowing us to hear the footsteps in the hallway. It was a weird walking pattern though, one step sounding like a heeled boot, the other kind of a clunk, like metal. I was about to ask Eren who would be coming, but the door opened before I got the chance.

"Hanji, I think my arm... Oh." The man in the door stopped when he realised that Hanji wasn't inside. I looked at his face, trying to place the freckles and the chocolate colored eyes. He was so familiar, but then maybe not. When would I have met him? I glanced over the rest of him, taking in the metal arm and leg on his right side, my mind immediately trying to figure out how they worked.

"Hey Eren." He said sheepishly, bringing my mind back to trying to figure out who he was. He entered the room fully, standing at his full height as he walked. My eyes fell to the machinery again, watching a bit of steam escape the joints as he used them. Upon further inspection, I noticed the little canisters all along the build, and gathered that the limbs were likely made in a similar fashion as the maneuver gear. But where were the triggers? Maybe in the other hand? But no, he wasn't holding anything. Then how...  
"And... Armin?" He asked, his voice wavering, unsure. I looked back up, realising he was much closer than I thought. I blinked, taking in his face once more. I noticed that one of his eyes was a bit lighter in color than the other, a bit hazy. He was probably blind in that eye, and I wondered how it happened, probably a Titan though. This guy must have been sacrificed too.

It hit me, all of a sudden, the sweet brown eyes, tanned skin, dark hair, endless freckles, friendly demeanor.  
"Marco!" I gasped, looking him over again as if seeing him for the first time. He smiled brightly, shuffling his remaining foot awkwardly, obviously unsure of how to greet me properly. I solved the problem for him, opening my arms. He leaned down and gave me a gentle squeeze with his left arm, holding the mechanical one behind him. He pulled back with a light blush on his cheeks. Maybe he wasn't used to affection anymore. But I'd always liked it when Marco played with us. He was less rowdy, more like me, and he was great at diffusing tense situations.

"How have you been?" He wondered.

"Alright. I've been managing." I replied, offering him a small smile.

"That's better than nothing. How about Mikasa?"

"She's the same as always. Well, a little quieter, but other than that..."

"And Jean?" He continued. I froze, biting my lip. I hadn't seen much of Jean since Marco had been sacrificed. I knew they were really close, and I knew that Jean had been unfortunate enough to join the military right before Marco was chosen. He'd been one of the soldiers on guard that day. He'd seen.

"He's fine." I lied. I didn't know how he was, but I didn't want to worry Marco anymore than he probably already was.

"That's good to hear. I miss him." He admitted, laughing to himself. "Anyway, you look pretty beat up, so I'll leave you alone. If Hanji shows up here, could you tell them that I need to see them?" He wondered. I nodded, waving to him as he left. "We should talk sometime soon though, Armin." He called.

"Sure! See you soon!" I agreed. He left, closing the door behind him, silence reigning for a moment.

"...Jean isn't really fine, is he?" Eren asked after Marco's footsteps had disappeared. I frowned.

"I don't really know. I've only seen him a couple of times, and he's always on duty. But he can't be fine, not after seeing Marco. Does he know that Jean was on guard that day?"

"I don't think so."

We fell quiet again, eventually laying back down on the bed and finding our previous positions. I tried not to think about the people I'd left behind, the people that missed me, people that missed other people. Mikasa was the only person I really had left, but Marco had left behind Jean and his family, Eren had left his mother, father, Mikasa, and I behind. I knew first hand how hard it was to live after losing someone so precious. My mind flicked to Mikasa, poor Mikasa, who'd lost everything dear to her. Not only one, but two sets of parents, and her two only friends. How was she faring? I had no way to find out. I could only hope that these people would send for her soon.  
It was hard, but I eventually managed to find sleep again, distracting myself with the sound of Eren's breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kept you guys waiting, huh? Sorry, but literally the day I got back from Canada I learned that it was eremin week! And I, being the naïve gal I am, was like "I'll do prompts on tumblr to celebrate! I'm not very well known, so I'll be lucky if I get two!" Yeah. No. I got, like, sixteen. The eremin fandom literally made me its bottom bitch. Yet, here I am, one week and fourteen prompts later (I combined a couple of them to make my life easier.) Still trying to write for these guys. I think I've got a better grasp on the both of them now though, thanks to the prompts. It gave me a chance to really get a feel for their relationship, how they act with each other.  
> If you don't follow me on tumblr but are wanting to view the prompts, they're up as chaptered fics on both Fanfiction and Archive of Our Own. It's called "How Many Ways Can You Fall in Love" on FF, and it goes by the same title on Ao3, but I split up the NSFW and the rated T stuff, so there is a secondary one called "How Many Ways Can You Fall into Bed" for the NSFW content. I'll have them up on Devi too, eventually, but I wanted to get this chapter out first.  
> My precious freckled baby made an appearance this time! Ironically though, despite him being my precious baby, I'm not sure how to write him just yet. I'm sure he's coming off as OOC, but I'll get better, promise. I'll just have to read some more JeanMarco fics. Speaking of, I'm considering writing a side story for those two, after Jean makes his appearance. What do you guys think? Would anyone read it?  
> Alright, much to do, so I'll let you guys go! Oh, but before I do, I'm up to 100 followers on tumblr. ...150 now, actually. And I wanted to celebrate, but how? What should I do? I can kind of draw a little, and I can write a little also... And it doesn't have to be SnK, but it could be. I need ideas, please? I'm not good at choosing for myself!  
> Okei, for real this time, I'm off! Thanks for reading, and feedback is appreciated!
> 
> KuroRiya
> 
> 九六りや


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I don't usually put these at the beginning, but I wanted to warn you guys, so you couldn't say I didn't: I didn't think it would happen in my story, but there are actually manga spoilers in this story. Like, all of the Titan Shifters identities are revealed. (That's it, as far as I can think of, so if you already know, then no problems!) But if you stopped when the anime did, meaning the Female Titan arc, then this is going to be serious spoilage for you. Like, nothing will ever be the same! So turn back, all ye that aren't caught up. Ye have been warned. (There are no spoilers in this one though. I just wanted to say before I forgot.)

The next time I woke, it was because of a gentle motion, a slight jostling. I tried to ignore it, trying to tell myself that it was just Mikasa, probably getting up for work that day. But the movement didn't cease, and I finally forced my lids open. Looking up, I saw Eren's face, which turned down to offer me a smile when he realised I had stirred.

"Hey, sorry, I tried not to wake you." He said quietly. I blinked, trying to clear the sleepy fog from my mind. Slowly it started coming back to me, remembrance hitting me anew as my mind became clearer and clearer. I had to wonder how many times I would have to go through this; My mindset was still that of life inside the walls. I still expected Mikasa to be the one around, for Eren to be dead, for all of this to have been a very strange and hopeful dream. But no matter how many times I woke, it was to this same situation. Eren was alive, I was alive, Mikasa was alone inside the walls, I was with Eren.

He carried me with apparent ease, which I thought kind of baffling. Sure, Eren had always been stronger than me, at least in the physical sense. But I never thought he'd be able to cart me around as if I weighed nothing. Even when he'd given me piggyback rides before his sacrifice, it was with much effort, and they never lasted long. I decided to be thankful for it though, for I was unable to travel anywhere by myself in my current state.

We were walking through the castle when I woke, but he exited it and I found myself out in the open, few buildings standing near the larger structure. He left the path, walking instead through the grass. He knew where he was going, and he knew it well. Upon close inspection, I could see that the grass where he walked had already been stepped on before, likely several times, forming a sort of foot trail. It led us towards a lake, and then around it, and finally to a small gathering of roughly repaired cabins. Eren walked into the little area, finding a dirt path yet again, and following that to one of the buildings.

He struggled with the door for a moment, having to try to open it without dropping me. I batted his hand away and opened it myself. A quick thanks was all he gave me, pushing his way through the entrance and kicking the door shut behind him. He didn't take his boots off, walking into what looked to be a kitchen and sitting me on a wooden chair.

I took a moment to look around his home. It was small, but not dreary, well lived in and comfortable looking. The furniture was either very old and tattered, or obviously handmade, but I didn't mind it much, it kind of suited Eren's personality. Most of the main rooms were connected, no walls separating the kitchen, living area, and dining table. There were three doors, likely two bedrooms and a bathroom. Eren opened one of the cabinets, grabbing a mug and filling it with water from a large pitcher. He brought it to me and sat it down on the table, then took a seat in a chair next to mine.

"This is home, I guess. Welcome." He announced, gesturing to the space. "The door on the far left is my room, the one in the middle is the bathroom, and that last one is the spare. I've got it full of junk right now, but that'll be your room." He explained. I nodded with a smile, taking a drink of the water he'd brought me. "For now, you can just sleep with me. My bed is big enough until we can make you your own."

"That's fine." I assured, yawning the remainder of my grogginess off.

"We have to draw water from the well, but it's right outside, so if we run out just let me know and I'll get some more." He continued. I smiled, nodding.

"Alright. What about neighbors?" I wondered.

"Neighbors?" He repeated, looking at me quizzically.

"Do we have any?" I elaborated, and he nodded.

"Yeah. All of the shifters live in this little area, and a few other people. Marco lives two cabins down. A couple of them are a little... Standoffish, but nothing too terrible. I'm sure you'll run into them all at some point. We all keep different hours though, so it'll be a hit and miss kind of thing." He explained, shrugging before getting up and helping me to sit on the sofa instead. It creaked under my weight, and even more so when Eren sat as well, sinking low to the floor. My distress about this must have been obvious, for Eren laughed.

"It won't break." He promised, bouncing up and down gently to illustrate his point. "It's just whiny."

I smiled, though it was strained, for I still wasn't entirely sure about the piece of furniture. But if Eren trusted it, then I might as well give it the benefit of the doubt. I relaxed, letting the plush curve around my body, akin to an embrace. We were quiet for a moment, him still giving me time to look around, for there was much to take in. But once he'd decided I'd had enough time, he stood, going into the door on the far right, the one he said was a storage room a the moment. He emerged with a stack of books in his hands, which he promptly deposited in front of me. I gasped, eagerly grabbing the first from the top. He grinned, sitting back down.

"I've been collecting them for you. Most of the people around here can't read, so when they move into a house and find books, they just throw them out. I grab them whenever I see them." He said, proudly puffing out his chest. I gave him the biggest smile I'd mustered since before he was sacrificed, leaning over and wrapping my arms around his shoulders. The books meant so much more to me than he could ever know. It was a fact that I liked to read, one that everyone who knew me was aware of. It wasn't the prospect of being able to read the books that made me so happy, though. It was the fact that he'd thought of me, had gone to the trouble to save something for me even though there was no absolute guarantee that I'd ever be there to appreciate it. Every time he picked up a book, took it home, shoved it in his storage room, he was thinking of me. Even in my absence. He'd never forgotten me.

"Thank you, Eren." I murmured, inhaling against his neck. He smelled earthy, and a bit like sweat, just like he always used to smell. He returned the hug with a couple of pats to my back.

"Yeah, no problem. There are more in there, that was just the closest pile." He added. I pulled back, grinning widely.  
"Fantastic!" I laughed, opening the cover of the book and flipping some of the pages. It was good to know that I wouldn't be bored while I waited for my limb to heal. The book from the top happened to be a book of fairy tales. The language was a little different than our own, likely German, since I could read most of it. After we'd been forced to retreat behind walls, cultures began to melt together. The language that resulted from the mix was prominently German, since most of the people that survived had been from that country. But there was a bit of French mixed in, and even a rare Asian word, as far as I could tell. But it was okay that the book was going to be difficult, that just gave me something to focus on.

"You'll have to read to me sometime." Eren decided, drawing his legs against his chest, his chin resting on his knees. I looked at him, unable to ignore the sort of... Lonely look that he was trying to hide. It brought a frown to my own face as I put the book back down, reaching a hand over to clasp his shoulder.

"I will." I promised, squeezing gently. He unfolded himself, scooting closer to lay his head on my shoulder. What had he done when I wasn't here? He didn't know how to read very well, barely able to get through a picture book by himself. And without Mikasa or I there, what did he do for entertainment? Surely not all of his time was devoted to working, everyone had to take an occasional day off. But what could he do in this lonely cabin? Maybe he had made other friends. Marco was here, after all.

I reached for the book again, picking one of the fairy tales at random, and began reading aloud. I had to stop a few times to think about the meaning of a word, sometimes asking Eren for his opinion. We couldn't have been one hundred percent right, but we got the gist of the story. And it was interesting, trying to learn the words that hadn't been in use for more than a century. But the best part of it was feeling Eren next to me, hanging on to every word I read with interest, radiating a superb amount of body heat. He'd always been a warm boy, but it was almost overwhelming now. Was that a side effect of the Titan shifting? I decided not to bring it up, preferring this lighthearted atmosphere we'd managed to find.

By the time I started reading the next story, Eren had elected to fill in the words we didn't know with various expletives, snickering to himself until I asked him what was so funny. He let me in on the joke, and the rest of the story ended up being pretty vulgar with our obscenities interwoven into the tale. Usually I'd scold Eren for ruining a literary masterpiece, but I had missed him and his antics so much, I couldn't help but join in. And, admittedly, I enjoyed the story a lot more than I would have without the added humor.

When we finished the second one, I was forced to realise that it was getting darker outside. Eren took note of it as well, getting up to light a few candles before it could get too dark. I was surprised by how much of the day I had unknowingly slept away.

"Sorry, I didn't even know it was this late. You must be starving! I'll run over to the castle and grab some food." He announced, heading for the door already. I raised a brow.

"You mean to tell me you have no food in that kitchen of yours?" I wondered. He halted, scratching the back of his head awkwardly.

"Well, yeah, I have food. But I'm a terrible cook, you know that." He replied, making me roll my eyes.

"Help me up." I commanded, lifting my arms. He did, coming to my side quickly and hefting me up so that I hovered just above the ground. I felt kind of like a rag doll being held like that, but ignored it. "Sit me on a counter, please." I requested, and he did, sitting me down next to the stove. "Tell me what you have."

He began listing what food he had, opening cabinets as he went to remind him. To be honest, it wasn't much, but it was enough for some simple noodle dish. If I remembered correctly, Eren was pretty fond of beef soup, so I decided to go with that, since he had a bit of beef stashed away. I instructed him to light the stove and get a pot of water. He trudged outside for wood and water with a bit of grumbling, and I opened the nearest cabinet, remembering that he mentioned a few spices that had been left by the previous owners.

I removed a couple, reading labels and sniffing to identify them. It took some doing, but by the time Eren had returned, I had located garlic, salt, pepper, and a few that smelled good. (I could only hope they'd taste as good.) I put him to work cutting up the meat, and got to work on the vegetables myself, awkwardly twisting my body on the counter to chop them on the space next to me. He finished before I did, and I told him to put it on the stove in a pan and cook it till it was brown. I craned, dropping the vegetables into the pot of water, adding the spices as well. When the meat was cooked, I had him toss it in and put it on the heat.

He seemed to have realised what we were making, for he was grinning widely. But when I informed him of the wait, his face fell a little. I laughed, stretching my arms out to signify that I wanted down. He complied, this time picking me up with an arm under my knees and another supporting my back. This was how he'd carried me to his home, and I preferred it to the rag doll method, even if I looked pretty weird with my leg sticking straight out, thanks to the splint that went all the way to my upper thigh. I realised that my knee and ankle had probably been dislocated by the weight, not to mention all of the breaks from the bearded Titan's crushing grip. If I was being honest with myself, I was lucky to still have my leg at all. I could have ended up like Marco.

"Where do you want to sit?" He asked, and I looked around.

"The table." I decided, and he put me in the same chair as earlier. My water still sat there, and I took another drink. Eren sat as well, crossing his arms on the table and laying his head in them. I chuckled, ruffling his hair, the chocolate colored locks silky, though a little oily.

"You need a bath." I stated, running my fingers through and massaging his scalp anyway. He groaned.

"I know." He agreed, leaning into the touch. "I'll hop in the river after dinner." He promised. I blanched, my fingers halting.

"What?" I demanded, sounding every bit as disapproving as I felt.

"I don't have time to heat up water. It's warm enough outside anyways." He said, shrugging. I scowled.

"What do you mean, you don't have time?" I questioned, and he finally looked up, meeting my glare.

"Uh, maybe I should say I don't have the patience..." He trailed. "But don't worry about it, I don't mind the river, promise. It's actually pretty nice, never too cold or anything. A lot of us just use the river." He added. I tried to glare him out of it, but he didn't relent, so I just sighed, accepting that defeat.

"Whatever." I sniffed, returning my hand to his hair. He closed his eyes, burying his face in his arms again. He reminded me of a dog, and I couldn't stifle the giggle that the image elicited. He chose to ignore the digression though, opting to let me continue.

"Armin, you're wonderful, I missed you so much." He murmured, rolling his shoulders a few times before letting them droop.

"Did you miss me, or scalp massages?" I wondered. He chuckled, peeking out of his arms.

"Both?" He tried. I rolled my eyes again, letting my hand drop.

"Uh huh. It's time to add the noodles." I informed him, and he eagerly stood, opening one of the cabinets and pulling out a sack of dried noodles. He dumped them into the pot, stirring a few times before replacing the lid and returning to his seat.

"How long till it's done?" He asked, and I smirked.

"Until I say so." I replied easily. He scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Maybe I didn't miss you so much after all." He spat, pouting. I grinned at his antics, reaching over and flicking his nose before he had a chance to flinch away. "Nope, I definitely didn't!" He announced, sticking his tongue out. I laughed, the feeling so wonderful as my body shook with it. I hadn't laughed once since I lost Eren, but as soon as I was near him again, it spilled forth like a fountain that had been backed up for too long. That was one of the things I had missed most about him.

He eventually gave up on making me feel bad, joining in on the laughter.

"Alright, alright, so maybe I missed you a little." He admitted, trying to hold a straight face.

"Just a little?" I prompted, and he let a smile crack his mask of indifference.

"Maybe a lot." He mumbled, rolling his eyes.

"That's what I thought." I said matter-of-factually. He gaped, and I had to remind myself that he was used to shy, very quiet, lacking self-confidence Armin. While I was still all of those things, I had realised somewhere down the road that I wasn't going to get anywhere in life if I didn't show at least a little confidence, even if it was fake. I smiled, winking his way. "I missed you too." I added. He blinked a few times, then his cheeks got very red and he looked away.

"U-Uh, is the food done?" He asked. I quirked a brow, not missing the sudden change in conversation.

"Is Eren Jaeger... Embarrassed?" I asked coyly, and he stiffened, refusing to look at me.

"Shut up! I'm just... Not used to you being all... I don't know." He stuttered, getting up to check on the food regardless of my lack of answer. I chuckled, kind of liking this flustered side of my friend. He stared into the pot, obviously not having a clue how to tell if the soup was done.

"Get a spoon and try one of the noodles. If they're soft, then it's ready." I called, and he did as he was told. Judging by the fact that he started ladling the soup into two bowls, I assumed it was done. He brought both bowls to the table, then returned for spoons. I waited till he was ready, then started eating. I was smart enough to blow on it before bringing it to my lips, but Eren, of course, was too excited. He yelped, dropping the spoon back into the bowl. I sighed, shaking my head as I handed him my water. He gulped all of it down, his eyes screwed shut in a bid to hold back the tears that were likely welling up.

"Honestly Eren, you haven't grown up at all." I mumbled. He sent a glare my way, getting up to refill the glass.  
"And you have?" He wondered, sarcasm lacing his tone. I scoffed with indignation.

"Definitely. I'm way more mature." I said, and he laughed.

"Is that right?"

"Yes, it is!" I shot back, crossing my arms over my chest. I realised that I'd fallen into his trap though, pouting just as he had earlier. I frowned, sighing in defeat. "Alright, well, sometimes I'm more mature."

He laughed again, sitting back down. This time he blew on his soup, successfully managing to take a bite. His face melted as he finally got a real taste, making me smile.

"Okay, anything I said? Forget it. You are the best human alive." He informed me, taking another bite. I tittered, returning to my own soup. It really wasn't that great, just a quick dish that he had the ingredients for. Were I at the tavern, this wouldn't have passed at all. It was weak, and the meat was far from tender, and the vegetables were a little too soft, but Eren was scarfing it down as if he hadn't eaten anything since I'd last seen him. I suppose he must have had a rough time, living on his own for these three years. I'd learned to cook by helping my grandfather out, and by working in the tavern. But he had no chance to learn. Apparently they provided food at the castle, but that was a lot of trouble to go through to get a meal. (And, if I was being honest, my soup was probably better than anything they could cook up, especially since it seemed that the castle was military-run.)

I smiled softly into the bowl, deciding then and there that I'd make up for all of the good meals he had missed. Maybe not right away, since I couldn't really walk around just yet, but I would make the best food I could, because that was the least I could do for my friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think that's a pretty quick update, yeah? I wanted to get one out before they release the English patch for DMMD re:connect. It's supposed to come out by tonight, but I'm guessing it might be delayed a few days. We'll see. But when it does come out, plan to see very little of me until I have finished the entire game. I am a completionist, where visual novels are concerned.  
> OH! And, as it would turn out, there is indeed a JeanMarco week, November 11th -18th. Freckled Jesus help me, my fingers still hurt from EreMin week. But I can't not participate! I must show my love for my precious freckled baby! He'll also be appearing in this story pretty frequently, if you couldn't guess. And I think I'm going to do a little side story for he and Jean, when it becomes appropriate. But just a heads up, I will be opening prompts for JeanMarco week, so if you want me to fill one, just keep it in mind. (Or I guess you could send it to me now, and I MIGHT get to it early. MIGHT!)  
> God, I love these little dorks. I think there's going to be one more chapter of the current timeline, then I'm going to jump a little, so that you guys don't have to read seventy chapters of Armin hobbling around a cabin and reading fairy tales. As cute as that is, it'll get old really fast. And I'm sure you're wondering what the ultimate goal of the story is. (Me too, hahaha, yeah. I have a lot to think about...)
> 
> So, what is up? All of the stories that I follow haven't been updating! And I didn't get a single feedback message for my SuFin update, which is SERIOUSLY weird. What's going on, fandom friends? Is it no fandom activity November? I thought it was no shaving... Huh... Well, if it is no fandom activity November, then I implore you to break the rules and leave me feedback anyway, because it is the food of my soul. It's what gets me writing, and keeps this story updating relatively frequently.
> 
> Well, thanks for reading, and like I said, please leave feedback if you have a bit of time. See you next time!
> 
> KuroRiya
> 
> 九六りや


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Okei, no, seriously. Titan-Shifter identities revealed in this chapter. If you don't want them to be spoiled, you shouldn't read!

I'd been living with Eren outside of the walls for about three weeks. Time seemed to drag by very slowly, but that was mostly due to my immobility. But Hanji finally gave me the okay to start hobbling around on crutches, since the muscle around my knee had repaired itself enough that they could install a new splint that bent a bit. It kept my foot off the ground, allowing me to move without jostling my leg with the help of the crutches. The first few days like this were terrible, actually. My hip had been damaged along with my leg, so putting weight on it, even on one side, hurt awfully. But I dealt with it reasonably, gritting my teeth against the pain. Having Eren carry me everywhere got old very fast.

After my hips grew accustomed to being used again, getting around was fairly easy. The crutches still hurt my underarms, but it was manageable. And when Eren noticed the bruises forming, he quickly found some old clothes to roll up and tie to the top, to cushion it. Hanji yelled at me, saying that you weren't supposed to lean your weight against them like that, but I just drowned them out. It was too much trouble to get around in the apparently correct position. Frankly, I got tired much quicker, since I had to strain my arms.

When I was sure I would be able to get pretty far without tiring out, I began taking walks. Eren had work to do, after all, so he wasn't at the cabin to entertain me all the time. I became pretty familiar with the area, and a few of the residents. I met Reiner and Bertholdt, apparently the oldest Titan-Shifters. The shifters worked in teams of two, and those two definitely had the definition of team down to a T. They were usually working when Eren was at home, and off when he was not. So I ran into them pretty frequently. They seemed very welcoming, Reiner grinning at me the first time he laid eyes on me, and Bertholdt offering a shy smile similar to my own.  
I was surprised by their natures, for I'd expected other residents to be wary of me, at least at first. I was a stranger, after all. But they didn't seem to mind at all, and Reiner struck up a conversation as soon as I was within earshot. I stopped that first day to talk with them, all three of us going to sit under a tree when we realised that we'd be speaking for a while. It didn't take long for us to get started on the topic of my new arrival, and they asked what had happened in regards to my leg, though they waved my story away when I mentioned Eren. Apparently we were hot news at the moment. After talking for a while, they walked me back to the cabin, Reiner wanting to make sure I made it back on my leg, for that was one of the early days, and it was very possible that I wouldn't.

After that first time, I ended up spending time with them pretty frequently, be it one or both at a time. It was usually just a few minutes, a half hour at best, but it was nice to have someone to talk to. They mentioned the other shifters that I hadn't met yet, Eren's partner and a set of two girls, promising I'd run into them sooner or later. One day Reiner finally forced me to meet the girl pair, a tall brunette named Ymir, and a very short blonde named Historia. Ymir didn't speak much, but Historia was friendly. I eventually learned that Historia herself actually wasn't a Titan-Shifter, but was the only one who could put up with Ymir's attitude, so they had been paired together.

That only left Eren's partner, the female I'd seen the first day he'd brought me. I wondered what she was like, knowing only that her name was Annie, and she was a friend of Bertholdt and Reiner. But I was always too busy with Eren when he wasn't working to seek her out. I made him promise that he'd invite her over so I could meet her, and he said he'd try. Apparently she wasn't very friendly.

I was worried when I didn't run into Marco. Eren said he lived in the area too, but I never saw him while I was out, and he didn't come to see me in the cabin. Eren explained that he worked around the same time that he did, explaining his absence. But, finally, I happened upon him. I was out a bit later than I normally was, and had actually been on my way back to the cabin, when I saw him, one leg already in his door.

I called to him, and he turned his head, an expression of surprise lacing his features, but it quickly faded to a grin. He invited me inside, and I agreed, very much wanting to have a chat with him. I wanted to know what had happened, how he had been, how he'd fared. He had suffered similarly to me, though he hadn't been fortunate enough to keep his limbs. Before sitting with me, he put some tea on, and the smell was enough to have my mouth watering. Eren didn't bother with much more than coffee and water, though one was tasteless and he hated the other. But Marco had several different teas, which he claimed to have made himself, blushing the entire time. He dropped some sugar into my cup before handing it to me, then sat down, giving me the go ahead to start asking questions.  
"Well, I guess the first thing I should ask is how you've been." I decided, and he smiled.

"Alright, all things considered. But you don't need to bother with formalities. You can go ahead and ask what you really want to." He said, his brown eyes looking at me confidently. Marco always had been a very forward boy. I smiled softly.

"Okay. Well, how did it happen?" I questioned, glancing at his mechanical limbs. He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.  
"I'm sure it was similar to how it happened to you. One of the Titans got its hand on my leg, and yanked me down. I think the difference is that the anchors didn't give when you were yanked on. Mine did, and I fell. The Titans kind of swarmed around me, and they kept getting in each others way, but one finally pushed through, and dragged me a little ways away, and it took a nice bite out of me." He said, tilting his head toward his arm. I grimaced, the image of dull teeth crunching through flesh and bone enough to make my stomach churn.  
"Hanji said I went into shock after that, which is what saved me actually. But I was kind of half conscious because of it. I remember hearing some stomping, and then something really hot fell in my eye, and I passed out. Someone told me that it was Annie that saved me. And she said that it was blood that had fallen in my eye, hers. One of the Titans bit her when she came to pick me up, and it fell in my eye. Titan blood is really hot, so it blinded me on the right side." He finished, explaining all of his missing or nonfunctional body parts. I frowned, suddenly very aware of just how lucky I actually was.

"Marco, I..." I began, but he held his hands up.

"No, don't say it. I don't want any pity. I'm alive, and I'm managing, and Annie has a soft spot for me now. I think she feels bad about my eye, even though it wasn't her fault. But trust me, you want Annie to have a soft spot for you. She's pretty scary..." He trailed, forcing a smile. I returned the expression, twiddling my fingers in my lap. I was quiet for a while, sipping at my tea again for something to do. I had so many more questions to ask, but I felt like I'd already dragged plenty of hard memories up for Marco.

"Is that all you want to ask?" He said with a grin, and I couldn't help but chuckle. He was sharper than I gave him credit for.

"Um... How do you do it?" I wondered, looking up at him. "I'm having so much trouble just getting around with a broken leg. How do you manage with two missing limbs?" He tapped a finger to his lips in thought, opting to simply shrug.

"It was really hard, at first." He admitted. "I was actually bed-ridden for a couple of months. There was really nothing I could so, since I was missing a leg and an arm. I couldn't use crutches without both arms, and I was too big to be carried around." He explained, quirking a brow at me to show that he knew about Eren carting me everywhere for the first couple of weeks. I blushed, but didn't say anything, waiting instead for him to continue. "But finally I'd healed enough that Hanji could attach some prostheses. The first ones were really simple, just enough that I could start walking again, but even then, only with help. It was really frustrating for me, and I think Hanji could tell that I was miserable. They asked me if I wanted to try a new kind of prosthesis, one of their own design. I was cautious, of course, but I was so fed up with not being able to get anywhere or do anything by myself, that I eventually agreed." He said, pausing to take a drink of his own tea and gather his thoughts.  
"The first set was still pretty simple, but Hanji made them to resemble real limbs better. The arm had an elbow, so it functioned more like a real arm. And the leg actually looked like a leg, instead of a little pole of metal, and it had an ankle. Hanji says I'm really lucky that they only had to amputate below the knee. It would have been a lot harder without that joint. And I've noticed that too. I can use the leg a lot better than the arm. The first arm was actually pretty hard to use. I had to pull a trigger to make the elbow bend, and the hand didn't move at all. But Hanji keeps making new ones, and they get better all the time. These ones are the best so far. Hanji made it so that my remaining muscles and nerves work as the trigger, so I don't really have to put as much effort into moving them. And I can move the wrist now too. I'm working on the fingers, but it's been so long since I've had them that I think my brain kind of forgot how to make them work. If I really concentrate, I can kind of clench my fist, but that's about it. Hanji is trying to make the equipment more responsive to the nerve impulses, but it's hard. Apparently nerves use electricity to tell the body what to do." He explained, and my eyes widened.

"Seriously?" I demanded.

"According to Hanji." He confirmed, nodding.

"But then, why don't we feel it? I've been shocked by an electric lamp, and it was awful enough that I'll never forget it."

"You'll have to ask them, I don't really know. But they said that they'd have to do a lot of research. We still rely mostly upon gas; Electricity is still really new. And it's almost not worth getting the new limbs attached..." He trailed.

"Why not?" I blurted. He frowned, reaching down and fiddling with some of the machinery at his leg. After unscrewing a few bolts and undoing a couple of latches, the bulk of the prosthesis fell off into his waiting hand. He sat it aside before pointing at what was left.

"This is the anchoring point." He began, tapping the metal still attached to his knee. "You can't see, but there are thousands of little connection points, kind of like needles, and each one attaches to a nerve or a part of the muscle. I don't take this part off, ever. My body is actually connected to it, like, it's fused. So to take it off, Hanji has to cut away the muscle and the nerves." My stomach lurched, my brain unable to block out my imaginings of just that. "But that's not really that big of a deal." He continued.

"I can be unconscious for that. It's a little sore afterward, but nothing some medicine can't help. After it's removed, I have to wait a few days for my body to heal itself enough, and then we have to attach a new one. The first prostheses weren't like that; they just strapped or clamped on. But in order to make the limb move, it has to have something to tell it to. So all of the nerves and muscles that were cut away from the previous anchor point? They have to be reattached to the new one. They knock me out for that too, but I have to be awake when they finish it, otherwise the nerves aren't active enough to ensure that they all connect. I'm not really sure how it works, but Hanji said to think of it like a magnet. The electric signals are what draw the nerves to the connector points. The muscle does the job itself, just kind of grows around, but the nerves take some coaxing. So they wake me up right before they seal it, and, well... I can't really describe how painful it is. It's worse than getting my arm bitten off, or my leg crushed. It's kind of like being stabbed and burned at the same time, but you aren't sure if it's hot fire, or if it's really cold, and all you can do is kind of thrash until your body tires out, because the overstimulation of the nerves kind of takes over, and you can't seem to tell your body to stop. I've gotten better at it, now that I've done it a few times. The first time they had to hold me down, and I vomited all over, and eventually just passed out. It was really terrible. Now I can usually keep it pretty minimal, but they strap me down just in case. I've broken a few of my own bones before, so better safe than sorry." He decided, laughing. He put the leg back in place and began the process of screwing it back on. "Anyway, Hanji doesn't change the anchor points very often. I've had these ones for nearly a year. They make me new arms and legs all the time, but they make them to fit into these anchor points, so I don't have to switch, and it's totally painless. But they mentioned that they've been working on a new version, one that should react to my nerves better, and give me more movement, so I might be getting some new ones pretty soon." Marco offered, looking both hopeful and frightened at the same time. I tried to smile. It was a good thing that he'd have more mobility, but I didn't like the idea of him being in so much pain. Marco had always been such a sweet guy, it seemed cruel that he had met a fate like this. But it could have been worse, I decided, finishing the tea. Marco stood up, his leg back in place, and poured me another cup, signaling that I was welcome to stay longer. I smiled for real then, accepting my cup back and stirring it gently.

"Anything else?" He prompted, and I took a moment to think about it.

"Hmm, I don't think so. Oh, wait! I'm curious, actually. What do you do? Eren says you work." I remembered. To be honest, I didn't really know what anyone did for a living. Eren always gave vague answers about what he did, though I assumed it had something to do with his Titan-Shifting. Marco laughed, his eyes closing and nose crinkling softly.

"Well, it depends on the day, really. Most days I end up watching kids, believe it or not." He admitted, chuckling at his own expense. "Everyone does something to contribute, but a lot of parents worry about leaving their kids to fend for themselves, so I've become the designated babysitter. I'm kind of an odd-job worker, I just do the little things that people need done. And since that isn't too strenuous, I'm able to look after a few kids while I'm at it. They're actually pretty helpful, if you get on their good side." He offered with a shrug. "And other days I get some basic Maneuver Gear training." He added. My eyes widened at that.

"Really? You can use it, even with your limbs..." I trailed, and he grinned.

"Yep! I'm pretty good at it, according to some of the others. I have a specialized trigger on the right side, so I can shoot out the grapples just like anyone else. I do tend to favor the left side though, so I have to be really careful about it. And I've never been sent out on any missions where Titans were involved. I'm used as backup, if at all. It's good to learn how to use Maneuver Gear, even if you don't plan to be a soldier or anything." He pointed out, and I nodded. I'd been thinking about it a lot, actually, after seeing that pretty much everyone, at least in the castle and around the cabin, was able to use it.  
"Do you think... Would I be able to learn?" I wondered, and he nodded without hesitation.

"Definitely! But you'll have to wait till that leg heals up. I don't know if you've ever studied Maneuver Gear, but all of the pressure..."

"Is on the legs." I finished, nodding. "So I'll have to build up the strength in this leg before I can do anything. But that's alright, I'm nothing if not patient." I joked, grinning at him. He returned the smile. "Who usually teaches people to use it?" I questioned, thinking of all the people I'd met.

"That one varies. Really, it's just whoever has the time. Eren has led a few sessions, if you can believe it. But, more often than not, the best lessons come from Levi." He replied, and I gasped.

"Captain Levi teaches?" I exclaimed. I'd only seen him one time, other than that first day, and he'd been walking in the other direction. But I knew that he was an amazing soldier, respected as the best of them all inside of the walls. It would be an honor to learn from him.

"Yep, whenever he has the spare time. He's a pretty busy guy."

"Wow..." I breathed, taking a drink to calm myself down. Marco just laughed, leaning back in his chair a bit.

"So, is it my turn now?" He asked. I looked at him stupidly, then realised what he meant.

"Oh! Yes, sorry! I didn't know you had anything to ask me! Go ahead." I blabbered. He smiled, nodding.

"Well, the first thing I want to know about is the town. How is everyone doing? I know I kind of asked before, but you know, anything new?" He wondered. I rolled my eyes.

"No, not really. They're still just as dumb as they always were, following tradition as if it's really going to be their salvation." I spat, and Marco winced.

"Well, I'd have been shocked if you said otherwise. How were you doing there? You know, after me and Eren..." He trailed.

"I... I was surviving. I got a job at one of the taverns, and Mikasa and I lived together. She worked with a seamstress. We weren't very well off, but we had enough to keep a roof over our heads, and to eat often enough not to pass out." I offered, trying to shrug the memories off. "Life seemed a lot harder without Eren, that's for sure. Even after you were sacrificed, Eren tried to keep our spirits up. That's what he does, you know? When he was sacrificed... Everything seemed really dim, hopeless. I had to wonder almost constantly if there was really any point to living anymore. That sounds pretty dismal, I know, but it's hard to think positive when pretty much everyone you love is ripped from your hands. My grandpa died too, a little after Eren. It was so unfair, I felt like the world was out to get me, to make me miserable. But I knew that Mikasa needed me, just as much as I needed her, and I had no right to abandon her like that, so I kept living."

Marco nodded, obviously understanding. I figured I'd answered his question, so I took another drink of the tea, letting its warmth sooth me.

"Well, it sounds like Mikasa is faring pretty well." He tried, and I nodded.  
"Yeah, she was doing better than me, for sure. I don't know about now though. Eren said that they're planning to send for her soon, so I'm just hoping that she can hold on till then." I admitted. We fell silent for a while, and it wasn't one of those companionable silences. We were uncomfortable, and I could tell that Marco wasn't sure how to proceed. He could tell that I wasn't really enjoying the turn the conversation had taken, but I owed it to him to answer his questions, for he'd answered mine, which must have dredged up memories just as painful as my own.

"And... Jean?" He asked, sounding a bit out of breath. I looked up, my eyes flitting over his tan skin, trying to count all of his freckles but losing count almost immediately. I couldn't look him in the eyes as I lied to him.

"He's fine." I replied shortly, and Marco's lips pulled into a frown.

"Armin, please, don't lie to me." He said, putting his cup down. I worried my lip between my teeth, quickly giving myself away. He'd always been good at detecting lies. I sighed.

"To be honest, I don't really know. I didn't see much of him. He joined the military."

"I remember." He assured.

"Well, they keep him pretty busy. He's rarely at home, and when he is, he keeps to himself. I managed to get him to join Mikasa and I for dinner once, but he wasn't really himself. He was really quiet, and didn't pay much attention to the conversation." I admitted, and Marco frowned.

"Do you think... It's because of me?" He questioned, though it was softly, maybe only meant for him. I looked into his eyes at last, trying to convey my answer that way. "I-I tried to tell him not to let my sacrifice bother him. I told him that that's just the way it is. I tried to put up a brave front. But Armin, I think..." He faltered, his breath hitching, and I realised his eyes had become very glassy. "I think he saw." He finally breathed, looking down as a tear slipped past his lid. I took a breath a little too sharply.

"W-What do you mean?" I stammered, too quickly. He took a second to steady his voice, his shoulders shaking with the effort not to cry any more tears.

"I think that h-he was on duty that day." He explained, swiping his arm across his eyes. "I think he was one of the soldiers up on the wall. I couldn't really see all that well, but I think that... I think he..." His chest heaved, and his words broke with sobs.

"God, Armin, what... What would that be like? I-I can't even imagine. Jean was... Is my best f-friend. I mean, w-we practically lived together! We were a-always together, and we t-told each other everything. If I s-saw... If I saw him getting r-ripped apart..." He was unable to speak anymore, burying his face in his palm. I stood, hobbling over awkwardly with the table for support, wrapping my arms about his shoulders when I reached him. They were broad, yet still felt small as they trembled against my embrace. I knew I'd never be able to comfort him. But I could at least offer him some warmth, affection, friendship. He let his hand fall from his face, tentatively hooking it around my back and drawing me against him. He shifted so he could rest his face in the crook of my neck instead, and I was silent as he wept into my shirt.

Had he kept this to himself the entire time? It seemed like he wasn't sure how to deal with his grief, something most learned to do after talking about the issue a few times. But he was unable to stifle his cries, his chest heaving and his frame shaking. He seemed so small to me in that moment, even though he towered over me in size. But he felt fragile, like anything could break him then, and I was too scared to be the thing that did it, so I kept my mouth shut, relying on my body to convey what I meant.

I rubbed small circles against his back, patting it occasionally, squeezing him closer when his sobs reached a fever pitch. And finally, very slowly, he began to calm, his breathing slowing, his body stilling. I let him go when he'd managed to bring it down to just a few hitched breaths every few seconds. He didn't look at me, and I understood that, opting to pour him a cup of tea instead of forcing him to speak again. Once I'd handed him the tea, he gave me nod of thanks and took a long drink, swallowing it slowly. We just sat quietly for a while, allowing him to catch his breath and collect his thoughts.

"I'm sorry." He finally whispered, looking up at me shyly. I shook my head, waving the apology off.

"You don't need to be. I understand." I promised. He tried to smile, but not much came of it.

"Thank you. I just really hope I can see him soon. I miss him a lot." He admitted.  
"I'm sure he misses you too. Are they sending for him, like Mikasa?" I wondered.

"I don't know, actually. I've requested it, but it's a lot harder to convince them to fetch someone involved in the military. With the training they get, it's very possible that they could get back to the walls and tell everyone what's going on out here, and we're just not ready for that yet. But Levi mentioned that he'd been thinking about dropping a few hints to Jean. He's apparently a very good soldier, and we could use his skills out here. I can only hope they decide he should be here." He explained. I frowned.

"Well, I hope so too. It'd be nice to see the old Jean again." I said, and he chuckled a little.  
"Are you sure? He used to pick on you a bit." He reminded me, and I smiled.

"Yeah, I guess he did... But he wasn't really mean, like the other boys. I could tell he didn't dislike me." I remarked, and Marco nodded.

"He liked you, trust me. He actually had a crush on you for a while, until he figured out you were a boy." He confided, and my jaw dropped a bit.

"He thought I was a girl?" I demanded, and Marco giggled.

"For a long time, actually." He confirmed. "And he thought you were all kinds of cute." He added, making my cheeks flush.

"Oh god, that's so weird." I mumbled, and he laughed.

"You think so? I thought it was pretty cute. But I was really jealous." He admitted. I chose to let that one go. I'd always had the suspicion that Marco liked Jean more than the other boy realised. That was his business though, and I preferred not to get involved.

"He lost interest though, right?" I hoped, and he nodded.

"Yeah, after he saw you naked that one time." He agreed. I tried to remember it, and vaguely recalled stripping down to go swimming in the river one day. That would explain why Jean looked so crestfallen the entire time...

"Wow, that's kind of sad. Did you think I was a girl too?" I demanded, and his grin turned into an uncomfortable smile as he looked o the side.

"Aheh, uh, no?" He tried, but I was having none of that.

"Marco!" I groaned.

"Alright, alright, just the first few times we played together! I figured it out before Jean did!" He said, defensively, holding his hands up in surrender. I rolled my eyes, letting out a puff of air.

"You guys are terrible! I'm not that girly looking." I snapped.

"Well, at the time..."  
"Don't even say it." I growled, eliciting a laugh from him. I was glad to have him in good spirits again, so I elected to let it go, and laughed along with him. I would have continued reminiscing, but there was a knock at the door. When Marco called for them to let themselves in, we learned it was Eren, who was apparently looking for me. He seemed relieved to see me, and then angrily informed me of the hour. Apparently I'd been out quite late, and he'd been worried. I giggled at him, but got up, waving goodbye to Marco for the night. Before I could hobble out of his home, I promised to visit again soon, to which he gleefully agreed. Eren simply rolled his eyes, herding me outside and towards the cabin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to get this chapter out before JeanMarco week, which begins on the 11th. I'm planning on opening up prompts, so I'll be kept busy, in regards to writing. If you want to send me a prompt, I'll be opening them on tumblr on the 11th, 12AM sharp! No sooner, no later. Just leave the prompt as an ask, and I'll get to it. I fill ALL prompts that I'm sent, if my fourteen storied EreMin week is any indicator. If you need a link to my tumblr, here it is:  
> And if that doesn't show up, you can check my profile, I have links there. Always. And feel free to follow me, I reblog a LOT of SnK, as well as my other various fanthings. (Hetalia, Supernatural, Sherlock, Harry Potter, various anime, funny ass shit, dogs, no cats, I hate cats, hedgies, etc.) Don't feel obliged my pretties, it's just a thing you can do. I'm on tumblr pretty frequently these days. (Who isn't?)  
> Gosh, I love Marco. I'm not sure if he was quite in character, but I'm working on it. It's kind of hard, actually, but I imagine he's a little insecure about his missing parts, and is just doing a decent job of hiding it. That's kind of the big part of the side story I was thinking of writing with him and Jean. Still not sure if I should write that... We shall see.
> 
> There's going to be another time jump in the next one, I think. But gosh, I still have no idea where I'm going with this now. The only thing I really had in mind was the whole human sacrifice thing, so now that I've got that out of the way, I'm going to have to decide what else will happen. Much to contemplate. But I seriously doubt I'll get another chapter out before JeanMarco week, so I've got some time.  
> Hmm... Alright, I'll be going now, I think. I'm going to try and get a nap in before work, since my dad had me up at 6 this morning to drive home. I'm NOT a morning person. Night lovelies!
> 
> KuroRiya
> 
> 九六りや


	8. Chapter 8

After dinner, which ended up being another of Eren's favorites, since I felt bad about making him worry, he pulled me into the bathroom, helping me clean off. Once I was clean, dry, and clothed in a loose nightgown, he shuffled me onto the couch, sitting next to me. It was quiet for a while, which already had me suspicious, but I opted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I could tell he was thinking of how to word something.

"Armin." He prompted, and I looked his way to affirm that he had my attention. He bit his lip. "Can you... Keep a secret?" He wondered. I quirked a brow, because, seriously, was he asking me that? Between the two of us, Eren had spilled more secrets than I'd even told him. My expression seemed to be answer enough.

"I was talking to Levi and, you can't tell Marco, but I think they might be bringing Jean." He breathed. I blinked owlishly, taking in his words, processing the seemingly foreign meaning, then my face lit up.

"Oh my gosh, really? We have to tell Marco, he'll be ecstatic! He and I were just talking about this, and..."

"Armin!" He interrupted, and I realised my mistake.

"Oh, right, no telling Marco." I supplied. How I wished I could go back on that, to hobble straight over to his cabin, wake him up, and tell him the splendid news. But Eren had said it was a secret, and that was probably for a reason. "Alright, I'll keep it to myself." I said, sighing as I relaxed back into the couch.

"Good. It's not for sure, but Levi has been watching Jean, and he's seriously considering it. And if he says that, then that's almost a guarantee."He explained, allowing himself a small smile. I grinned widely, sighing blissfully.

"That's fantastic! Marco is going to be so relieved!" I laughed. Eren nodded.

"And old Horseface won't be so mopey!" He added. That made me frown, wetting my lips.

"Well, I don't know. I think them reuniting might be harder on Jean than you think. It's great that Marco is alive, but Jean watched him die. At least, he thinks he did. And Marco isn't exactly... The same as he used to be. I don't know who that's going to be harder on..." I admitted, my face falling the more that I thought about it. I'd never considered, but even after they were reunited, there would be a lot of healing that would have to occur before they could go back to how they used to be. Eren and I were both in one piece, and we hadn't had the misfortune of seeing one another die, and that aided in our quick recovery of friendship. We were lucky.

I pushed it from my mind. They'd work through it, those two were just as close to one another as Eren and I were. I had faith in the both of them.

"It's still great news! I'm so excited! Ahh, Eren, you shouldn't have told me! Now I'm going to be dying to spill it to Marco, you know! I hope Jean comes soon, because I don't actually know how long I can keep it quiet." I gushed happily, hugging myself for lack of anything else to do with my arms. He laughed at me, nudging my shoulder with his own.

"Keep your mouth shut, Armin, or I'll get in trouble. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone, but I had to tell someone. Consider yourself privileged." He quipped, earning an eye roll from me.

"Okay, you're pushing it, Jaeger." I sighed, leaning into his side and relaxing. It was getting pretty late, and I could honestly say I was looking forward to bed. We fell into quiet again, listening to the insects chirping in the summer evening. But I had something on my mind, something I wasn't planning on letting go unmentioned. "Eren?"

"Yeah?" He replied, showing he was listening.

"What about... What about Mikasa?" I wondered. He stiffened next to me, sitting up straighter.

"What about her?" He demanded, sounding a little angry.

"Um, just... Is she coming soon?" I asked, my voice tapering off a little.

"I don't know, I don't control that kind of thing." He answered, his voice very huffy. I wondered what was up, but I was a little too scared of his apparently unstable mood to bring it up. I knew Eren well enough to know it was better to drop the topic than pursue it. The current mood he was in usually led to him blowing up, much like a buried landmine, and saying something nasty that he'd regret and apologize profusely for later. I just wondered what had prompted this mood. It seemed like he was in good spirits until I brought Mikasa up. But that was his sister, and I knew they loved each other, so why would that make him angry? He sighed.

"Sorry Armin, I didn't mean to say it like that. I'm just worried about her, that's all. Sorry for taking it out on you." He mumbled. That was a definite surprise. "...Why are you staring at me like I just grew a second head? I didn't, did I?" He questioned, sounding genuinely worried as he turned his head in search of the apparently possible second head.

"No, no. I just... I've never seen you realise you were getting angry before you actually did something stupid. I'm impressed. You grew up a little while you were gone, huh?" I smiled softly, allowing myself a chuckle. He tried to look offended, but he ended up smiling too, and reached over for a hug.

"I just don't want to make you mad at me or anything. You remember that one time I really pissed you off, and you didn't talk to me for, like, a week? I wanted to die by the third day. I don't like when you're mad at me." He admitted, using the arms he had around me for a hug to pull me closer to him, resting his head on my shoulder. I blew out a huff of air.

"Says the guy that is angry almost all the time?" I snarked.

"I'm not angry all the time! Just... Passionate." He said, sticking his tongue out. I scoffed.

"Okay, yeah, sure. And I'm a flying hippo." I joked.

"A flying hippo? What's a hippo?" He wondered, shifting so his was his chin on my shoulder, so he could look me in the eyes.

"Oh, it's this huge animal that lives in rivers, but only in a certain part of the world. I think the name, hippopotamus, means 'river horse.' They don't really look like horses though. I can't really describe it. If I find a book about animals sometime, I'll show you. But they are really big, and kind of fat, and they don't fly at all." I explained. He chuckled, nodding gently, my shoulder moving along with his chin. He let it drop after that, shifting to lay the side of his face against my shoulder again. I tried to breathe slowly, so as not to move him around too much. I nearly laughed when I heard soft snores, alerting me to his falling asleep.

I knew better than to think I could carry him to the bedroom. Even with the use of both of my legs, I probably wouldn't even be able to heft him up off the couch. In my current state? But I didn't want to wake him. Eren had trouble falling asleep, I'd noticed. So waking him was something I tried to avoid as often as possible. I elected to simply sleep on the couch for the night, lifting up my broken leg so that I could stretch out, taking Eren with me as I laid down. He stirred just a bit, muttering incoherently, then he settled against me, his head resting on my collar. I ruffled his hair, which was messy as always, then reached up for the blanket he kept draped over the back of the couch, trying in vain to spread it over the both of us without jostling him. Thankfully, Eren is a heavy sleeper; Once he's out, he's out.

I managed to get both of us covered up, then I got situated as well, trying to find good places for my arms. One ended up behind Eren's back, my body incapable of having it anywhere else and remaining comfortable. That was alright though, because he snaked his arms around my waist in his sleep. If he tried to make fun of me in the morning, I had something to fight back with. That in mind, I closed my eyes, letting my drowsiness hold them down until I lost consciousness.

-.-.-+-.-.-

I woke to a very insistent nose poking into my side. It kind of tickled, but in my groggy, not even remotely awake state, I could hardly be bothered to giggle or roll around on the floor. I settled for swatting Eren's face away, turning away from him in hopes of getting a little extra sleep. He laughed when I nearly fell off of the couch, saving me by wrapping his arms around my chest and pulling me flush against him. I waited for him to release me, but when he didn't, I relaxed into it, closing my eyes and laying my head on one of my arms. He didn't bother me again, letting me doze for a little while. Then he got up and started making coffee, the smell enough to wake me up.

I groaned as the caffeine called to me. I didn't even like coffee, and yet, there I was, sitting up and accepting the mug he handed me. At least he had the decency to add some milk and sugar. He sat next to me, his hip and shoulder against mine, and began the process of sipping at his own coffee and making a face after every drink. I nudged him.

"Ever heard of personal space, Eren?" I joked, and he gave me one of his cheeky grins, the one that tells me that I'd just set myself up for disaster. I groaned as he sat his coffee down, literally wrapping his limbs around me, smashing his cheek against mine, rubbing to the point I was worried my skin would chafe.

"Eren!" I squealed, unable to fight down a grin, though I'd nearly burned both him and me with my coffee, which I somehow managed not to spill. It had come very close.

"What was that about personal space?" He asked, feigning innocence while his nose smushed against mine. I groaned, shoving him away. It was hilarious to see his limbs flailing as he went down, obviously not having expected me to retaliate. There was a pleasant thudding sound as he hit the ground, narrowly missing the coffee table. A few seconds passed with him just being stunned, but finally he got up, rubbing where he'd hit his head.

"Jeez, Armin, do you hate me so much? I thought we had something special, but..." He huffed, and I rolled my eyes, beckoning for him to clamber back onto the couch. He did, sitting next to me again, still grumbling, eliciting a sigh from me.

"Would you like me to kiss it and make it better?" I inquired, smirking in what I hoped was a sultry way. I suppose it was, because his ears started getting red.

"U-Um, I-" He stuttered, making me laugh.

"It's alright Eren, I was only-" I began, but I shut up when he spoke again.

"Yes?"

It was quiet, more of a question than a response. He wouldn't look at me. His face was red. Then again, mine was starting to get that way too. I hadn't kissed one of Eren's injuries in years; not since he'd learned that it wasn't actually an effective way to heal something. And surely he hadn't forgotten that lesson; He was old enough to realise on his own that kisses didn't do anything to relieve pain, or expedite the healing process. But... I had offered, however playful I'd meant it to be. Looking at Eren, I could tell he was about to take it back; Obviously he was just as embarrassed as I was about it. But, if I was being honest, I didn't mind the idea of it; He and I were close enough that it would be okay.

I leaned over, turning his face to the side so I could kiss his cheek.

"That's good enough, right?" I inquired as I pulled back, hiding my blush in my coffee.

"Uh, y-yeah, thanks. Much better." He replied, reaching for his coffee as well. We fell into an awkward silence, one that allowed me to contemplate the source of the awkwardness itself. Like I mentioned, it wasn't the first time I'd kissed one of Eren's ailments, but something about it was definitely different from when we were kids. It made my stomach churn a bit. That was weird. But maybe that was just the coffee. Or maybe it was just too early for me to function properly, because, for some reason, Eren insisted on waking up with the sun every morning. That could be it.

After he finished his coffee, he let me know he was going to take a dip in the river to wash off. It was his day off, so there was no reason to rush into it; He had literally all day to bathe. But I knew we needed something to break up the quiet that was reigning over us. I asked if I could come along to get some fresh air, and so, a towel, fresh clothes, and a funny sunhat for me in tow, we headed outside. I found a nice rock to sit on, facing the river, and got settled while Eren undressed. I took a moment to pull the hat on, giggling as the brim fell over my eyes.

"Eren, where did you even find this thing?" I wondered, twisting it so that the floppiest part was to the side, so I could see. I looked over to him, and he shrugged, strutting his naked butt right over to the river as if he didn't care if the world saw him in all his glory. Well, this was Eren, so he probably didn't. I felt my face heating up in embarrassment for him, covering my eyes. Honestly, what was wrong with me? Getting all flustered over seeing my best friend naked, or kissing his cheek? I'd taken baths with him, in a tiny little basin for heaven's sake! It's not as if he had anything new that I hadn't seen. Or, well, maybe he did. It'd been three years, who knew what changes he'd gone through. He'd seen me naked, since he had to help me wash myself, but it was too much trouble to follow him out to the river every time he went, so I hadn't really seen Eren.

I yelped when I felt a hand on my shoulder, quickly swiveling around. I breathed a sigh of relief when it was only Marco. He smiled, motioning for me to scoot over so he could sit. I did, offering him an equal half of the rock I'd claimed as my sitting rock. He had to sit just as close to me, his hip and shoulder flush with mine, but it wasn't nearly as strange feeling as it had been with Eren. Eren had seemed particularly close to me. Maybe it was just because Marco was doing it out of necessity, where Eren had done it just because he could?

"Nice hat." Marco commented, and I nudged him, nearly knocking him off of the rock.

"Nice freckles." I spat back. He grinned toothily.

"Thanks, I've been working on them. I'm guessing that's what the hat's for then?" He wondered, and I nodded.

"Yeah. One of the first times I came out on the crutches, I was too tired to get back to the cabin, so I sat down against a tree, and accidentally fell asleep. I was so red when Eren finally found me! I just got back to my normal sickly pallor." I replied. He laughed, patting my back.

"I don't think you look sickly. Pale can be nice, so long as it's a healthy pale. You look like a doll, sort of." He offered, making me sigh.

"I guess that's better than saying I look about to die. Thanks Marco." I said, smiling for him. He smiled back, his nose crinkling. I thought it was pretty cute, to be honest. Marco was pretty adorable. How was Jean not in love with this guy? I knew that Marco had feelings for him; There was no doubt in my mind. And Marco deserved to be loved back, he'd definitely earned at least that much in life.

I was reminded of the conversation of the night before, of Jean coming to live with us, out here, with Marco, and I laughed giddily. He raised a brow in my direction, silently asking me what I was so happy about, and I quickly clapped a hand over my mouth, doing my best to quell my excitement. I wasn't supposed to tell him. I couldn't tell him.

"N-Nothing!" I announced, looking away. I didn't need to see his pout to know it was on his face.

"Armiiiiiiin!" He whined, nudging me softly.

"Marco, I can't! It's a secret! I promised!" I cried.

"If it involves me, I totally deserve to know!" He reasoned, but I shook my head.

"I'm sorry, but my lips are sealed. You'll find out sooner or lat-ER!" I squealed, my words falling into peals of giggles as his hand came up to tickle my side. I tried to wiggle away, but he held me in place with the mechanical arm, his fingers dancing across my belly, reducing me to tears on the ground.

"Oh my gosh, Marco, stop! Not fair!" I shrieked, finally rolling away. He laughed, standing up and offering me a hand. I reached up, about to take it, but he suddenly withdrew the arm, his face falling.

"S-Sorry, I wasn't thinking..." He mumbled, and I realised that it had been the mechanical arm that he held out for me. I scowled, taking the left arm that he offered instead, letting him heft me up.

"Marco, I don't mind. You don't need to worry about which arm you stick out for me. It's still you, gears or not." I said, wobbling back over to the rock. He rubbed his neck in a show of discomfort.

"I'm sorry, I just... I'm never sure how people are going to react, so... Better safe than sorry, I guess." He trailed, sitting next to me again.

"It's alright. I only want you to know that I'm alright with it. I'm just glad you're here." I replied. He gave me a very soft smile, his eyes looking kind of glassy.

"Thanks Armin. I'm glad you're here too." He agreed, leaning into me for a moment before pulling back.

A particularly loud splash from Eren drew our attention back to the river. He had pulled himself out up to his chest, and was looking out at us. From the way he was eying me, I could tell he was silently warning me not to spill the secret, and I made a shooing motion. He needed no further prompting, sinking back into the river and disappearing for a few seconds before resurfacing for air. I sighed, shaking my head softly.

"Sooo, how's life with Eren?" Marco questioned, and I sighed again.

"It's alright. I forgot how much of a brat he is though. I guess that's a part of his charm, but honestly, you'd think something like this would have helped him grow up." I whined. Marco frowned.

"Well, actually... Before you came, he seemed like he had matured. Or maybe he just seemed angry. Like, not the normal Eren Jaeger angry, but really angry. I got the feeling that everything he was doing was fueled by this rage that he had locked up somewhere inside of him. He never played around in the river like that," He said, nodding towards Eren, who was currently laughing like a madman as he chased, naked, after a fish, in broad daylight. "And he kept to himself. He didn't talk to me much; not that he avoided me or anything, he was just always busy. He kept himself that way. He'd stay out even when he wasn't required to. He just... He wasn't really Eren." He finished, sighing. I frowned, having a hard time imagining Eren acting like that. He'd always been an aggressive kid, but Marco's description sounded about as far from the Eren that I knew as was possible.

"But now, ever since you showed up, he's looked a lot better. I mean, look at him." He said, pointing. "He's running after a fish, his willy swinging." He laughed. I sputtered at his blunt words, actually pushing him off of the rock this time. He only laughed harder, getting up and brushing himself off.

"What? Why so shy? It's not like you don't have one." He pointed out, only succeeding in making me bury my face in my hands.

"Marco, so not what I wanted to talk about!" I groaned, now unable to think of anything other than Eren's lower half.

"There's no need to be embarrassed. You guys used to bathe together, if I remember right..."

"It doesn't matter! It's been years! And that's totally different!" I cried, lowering my hands at last. I still refused to look his way though. He was quiet for a moment, and I felt his good eye staring at me hard. Then he made a noise of surprise, his mouth breaking into a grin.

"You have a crush on him!" He exclaimed. I looked at him then, disbelief on my features.

"I do not! He's my best friend, I can't have a crush on him!" I reasoned. He didn't seem phased.

"I have a crush on Jean." He pointed out, his own face taking on a pinkish hue, even through the freckles. I was a little flabbergasted by his casual admission of it, but I was quick to recover.

"Well, yeah, everyone knows that, but it's different! Eren is just... Eren." I decided, crossing my arms over my chest to signify that I was done with the conversation. Marco chuckled, covering his mouth with his hand in a bid to stifle the laughter.

"If you say so, Armin. Keep it in mind though. I'm pretty good at predicting these kinds of things. I knew about Reiner and Bertholdt before Reiner and Bertholdt did." He mused.

"R-Reiner and Bertholdt?" I stammered, and he looked at me as if I'd said something strange.

"Yeah? You didn't know they were together?" He asked incredulously.

"I knew they were partners, but..." I trailed.

"Well, they're together-together. Like, 'sleep in the same bed and kiss in the morning' together." He elaborated. My cheeks flushed yet again, or maybe they just got more flushed, because surely they were still red from my previous bought of being flustered. I'd had no idea. "I thought you'd been spending time with them a lot lately, how did you not notice?" He wondered. Thinking back on it, I should have, really. I'd always thought it kind of odd how close they sat together, for no reason, and how they held hands when they walked sometimes, or how touchy feely they were with one another. I'd seen Bertholdt straddling Reiner's hips for a massage once, and hadn't thought anything of it. I was ashamed that I hadn't put that all together, hadn't connected the dots. To be blunt, I'd never really thought of anyone that way, so it was hard for me to imagine someone else doing it.

"Earth to Armin! I know this is shocking news, apparently, but spacing out is pretty rude when you're talking to someone." Marco pointed out, and I shook my head to rid it of the thoughts, looking at him with a sheepish smile.

"Sorry. I just... Wow, it was really obvious. I'm kind of dense, huh?" I sighed, and he nodded with a smile.

"Just a bit." He agreed.

"That's supposed to be Eren's job!" I groaned. "I'm the level-headed one!" He laughed at my despair, ruffling my hair.

"You're still the smartest guy I know, you're just a little slow on the uptake when it comes to matters of the heart. It's nothing to worry about, Armin, everyone learns about it at a different pace. If it makes you feel better, you can chalk it up to me being older than you." He offered. That reminded me, Marco was older than me. Granted, only by a year, but still, he was older.

"Oh, wow, you're twenty, aren't you?" I inquired, and he grinned.

"Yup. Not even a teenager anymore! You'll be nineteen this fall, if I remember correctly." He added.

"That's right. Wow... We're getting old." I mused, sighing. Where had my life gone? I felt like I'd missed out on a lot of my childhood. He sighed just as wistfully.

"It kind of sucks; I wish I could be more like Eren, honestly." He said, and I turned to glance at Eren, who was now in the throes of screaming about falling over a rock, death imminent for whatever fish had led him into it. I quirked a brow.

"Um..."

"I don't necessarily mean that... I'm just jealous of his ability to forgo his age, and act the way he wants to. What we're looking at is pure, unrestrained Eren. But me?" He looked down at his lap, picking absently at the machinery of his right arm. "I'm too scared to be like that. I feel like a certain level of maturity is expected of me, and I uphold it at all times. I think..." He paused, stealing a glance at me. "I think that's why I was such good friends with Jean. He kind of didn't give me a choice, he'd whisk me along in one of his master plans. They always ended in failure, and I always knew they would, but I couldn't seem to stop myself, because it was fun. It was a lot of fun. I miss being like that. I'm not much fun anymore." He admitted, his shoulders slumping. I frowned, kind of understanding where he was coming from.

"It's alright, Marco. Things are going to get better, soon. I promise. And if you ever need to goof off, then come see me. Eren will be fine with it too, trust me. We're your friends, Marco, that's what we're here for." I chided gently. His eyes got that glassy look again, but he was smiling, so I knew that he wasn't upset. He quickly wrapped his left arm around me, drawing me against his chest for a hug. And, after a moment of hesitation, he brought his right arm up too, wrapping it around my shoulders. I smiled, returning the affection before shoving him off the rock and launching a counter attack for his earlier tickling. I wasn't the only ticklish one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, guys! My initial excuse is JeanMarco week, but that's long since passed. Go figure, I got sick right afterward, and I've been in bed the past few days. I just got around to doing the life thing again, so, please, bear with me. Updates should pick up again, with any luck. Hope you guys hung on until now, and I hope you liked this chapter.  
> This one was more on the fluffy side, huh? I guess I was in that kind of mood. I'm so full of Like a Drum JeanMarco feels, I can't even handle it. I don't know what to do with myself. I stopped functioning for a while. Ironically, I think Marco got me sick, because after reading a chapter with him being sick, I woke up sick, literally the next day. I still can't be angry at my precious freckled baby though... Look what he's turned me into.  
> Hmm... I don't think there's much else to say. If you want to check out my JeanMarco prompt fills, they're posted here, story title "Love Me Dead." And one of them prompts earned itself oneshot status, so that one is "Love Distance Long Affair."Alright, I'm a busy gal, off I go. Thanks for all of the reviews/comments so far, you guys are fantastic! Hope you enjoyed the chapter, and see you next time!
> 
> KuroRiya
> 
> 九六りや


	9. Chapter 9

I'd finally been given the okay to start putting weight on my leg the day before Jean arrived. I was still required to use one of the crutches, but hobbling around was much easier with the added balance of having both of my legs. The splint only covered the lower part of my leg, the muscles in my thigh having fully repaired themselves. The only thing left was to wait for the calf to catch up, and build my muscle back up, for I'd lost a lot of it already. But Hanji reminded me that it could have been much worse.

The only reason I knew when Jean was coming was because Eren is literally incapable of keeping anything from me. I hadn't actually requested any information regarding him, but I noticed how fidgety Eren was acting, and eventually brought it up when it became too much of an irritation for me to ignore. He promptly told me everything, then forced me to swear secrecy. But he reminded me of it the day they went for him; Eren was part of the kidnapping operation, so he warned that he might be home kind of late, depending on how things went.

That unsettled me a little bit. It sounded dangerous, and I wondered what exactly their plan was. When I asked him, he explained that when it was a soldier they were trying to get, they'd wait until they were alone, then just grab them and try to keep them quiet. The shifters only went for manpower, if it was needed. I frowned as he spoke. That was a stupid, ineffective plan, I decided. But I tried to bite my tongue; They'd been doing this much longer than I had.

However, I messed up. The morning of the operation, I followed Eren to the base to see him off. That was the first time I met Annie, actually. I picked her out by description and said hello. She definitely lived up to her reputation of a stoic nature, but she wasn't particularly unfriendly. She kind of reminded me of Mikasa actually, which might explain why she and Eren were partners. Eren reclaimed my attention though, reminding me not to tell Marco. Though it had been revealed that they were going to fetch someone that day, the identity of the person was supposed to be strictly under wraps.

Levi emerged from the castle at that point, gathering his small group of troops around him to explain the plan. A few others had come to see off their friends or loved ones, so I felt more comfortable listening in. Obviously it wasn't as strict as Eren was making it out to be. I imagined what Levi was describing, all of the techniques he outlined. It was basically just as Eren had said; They'd wait till he was alone, then swoop in and try to keep quiet while they disarmed, captured, and escaped with him. But I frowned when I realised that he hadn't mentioned the Titan-Shifters at all. And, being the idiot I am, I couldn't keep my mouth shut.

"That sounds like a needlessly reckless plan." I blurted, clapping a hand over my mouth as soon as I'd said the words. Every head turned my way, and Eren gave me a look of horror and grim anticipation. I found out why not even a second later.

"Does it?" Levi demanded, stepping through the small crowd of people he'd been commanding. I shrunk, but didn't retreat. Mostly because it was really hard to walk backward with my leg in a splint, but also because I'm the type that refuses to back down when I know I'm right. Well, him being shorter than me might have helped a little bit. But he was still terrifying, and I kept my mouth shut, too scared to reply. He was of high authority, both within the walls and without. There was a long silence as he waited for a reply, one that I couldn't give.

"Oh, no, please, enlighten me. I'm sure whatever plan you managed to think up is a hundred times better than one that we've used for years. Do speak up." He spat, sarcasm dripping harshly from every word. I winced, but furrowed my brows in determination. If he was going to call me out like that, then I was going to respond.

"Well... It just seems like an awful waste to not use the Titan-Shifters to our advantage." I began, glancing at Eren and Annie, the Titan-Shifters in question, before returning to looking at Levi. He still seemed expectant, so I continued. "I-If it were me, I'd use their abilities to make it more believable, and save time. I've heard that Annie can harden parts of her body, enough that the blades can't cut through. So that would mean she could go and grab J-The target, even if there are other soldiers around. Even if they attacked, she could harden herself long enough to get away, or Eren could come in and distract them. The target would struggle, since they don't know who it is, and the soldiers that saw would really think he'd been eaten by a Titan, so there would be no need to investigate further. They'd let it drop. It's a lot less risky, compared to hoping the target isolates themselves or having the chance of them seeing a human taking the target." I explained, taking a deep breath and waiting for Levi's reply. His glare visibly softened, and I could tell he was at least a little impressed, but his gaze was still hard and unfeeling.

"Not a bad proposition. But there's a flaw..." He started, and I cut him off. I'd already thought of that.

"They'd start to notice if it was the same Titan every time." I supplied. He closed his mouth, looking at me as if expecting me to elaborate. "Considering how many Shifters there are that could go out at different times, It would take a long time, and a really observant soldier. Considering how many people are eaten by Titans while outside of the walls, the kidnapped ones wouldn't really stand out enough for anyone to pay attention. Not to mention that soldiers are split into smaller groups, so it would most likely be a different group of soldiers every time. The chances of someone seeing an operation twice is really slim. And even then, it's not all that strange to see a Titan twice. The Shifters do stand out a bit though. But, since you have such a high position, and Erwin too, you could delegate the grouping of the soldiers so that the same ones never see the same Shifter twice. The number of soldiers that survive is small enough that it would most likely not be a problem in the first place." I finished, hoping I'd covered everything. Everyone was looking at me, some with more confusion than others, but Levi seemed to have taken it all in. He was quiet for a while, then he nodded, turning around.

"Alright. We're going to do it." He announced, and there was a collective gasp as everyone turned to look at him instead of me. Still, his stare was on me. "If it works, then we'll consider making it permanent, but only if it is more efficient than our current procedure. The mission today is a good experiment though, the soldiers are just going to place some supplies. They are supposed to engage Titans as little as possible. You," He called, pointing to me. "What's your name?" He questioned.

"A-Armin Arlert... Sir!" I replied, straightening up as best I could.

"Arlert. You're with Jaeger, correct?" He asked. I looked to Eren for guidance on that one.

"He is." Eren agreed, backing up to stand next to me.

"Good. You're coming too. Jaeger's responsible for you." He barked. I could only blink, confused, and then mortified.

"U-Uh, sir, I..." I began, but he glared pointedly at me, effectively shutting me up.

"If you're brave enough to talk back to me, then you're brave enough to go on the mission. You don't have to do anything, you're just there to see how your plan works out. That way if it fails, you see it first hand. This operation is going according to your plan, you should see how it affects us." Levi snapped, turning on his heel and heading back into the castle.

"Everyone, get ready. We leave in an hour. Jaeger, help Arlert suit up. No gear, but get him some sturdier clothes." He ordered, disappearing into the doorway. The group lingered, then everyone dispersed, leaving just me, Eren, and Annie. I turned to Annie, and she turned to me. There was no real expression on her face, but she held her fist up. I flinched at first, for I thought she intended to hit me, but nothing happened. Then I realised what she was getting at, and I tentatively bumped my fist against hers. Seemingly satisfied, she walked off.

It was quiet for a long time between Eren and I, and I worried that he might be angry at me. That thought was quickly done away with as he cackled loudly, nudging me with his shoulder.

"Holy shit, you totally sassed Levi! And you lived!" He exclaimed, squishing my face between his hands. I pouted at the action, trying to swat him away.

"That was the single most terrifying thing I've ever done. I actually think he's scarier than Titans! Well, it was pretty scary when I thought Annie was going to hit me too..." I trailed, breathing a sigh of relief. He laughed, herding me towards the castle.

"He actually took your idea! Thank god you finally got him to let us do something. These operations are really boring for the shifters, since we never get to do anything. But come on, we've got to find you something to wear. You're so scrawny, it's going to be kind of hard." He admitted, turning down a stone hallway. I followed, turning a few more corners after that, then we came to a room literally filled to the bursting with clothes.

"We collect them when we can, and we have something for everyone in here. Sometimes our doubles inside of the wall have to buy for someone though. Like Reiner and Bertl. They're both built so weird, Reiner's huge and Bertl's as tall as a tower, so they have pretty bad luck when it comes to happening upon things in their size. Annie and Christa have the opposite problem; They're so small, they sometimes have to wear kid clothes. Christa doesn't seem to mind, but it's pretty obvious that Annie hates basically everything when she's wearing a frilly pink dress for a shirt. It's not something any of us want a repeat of." He said, clearly trying to make small talk while he trifled through piles of clothes.

"This is where I came to get your clothes. But I didn't think you'd be going on a mission, so I didn't grab anything made to move around in." He murmured, pulling a shirt out and holding it up to gauge it against my frame. "Not that you should be doing much moving. I have no idea what Levi's thinking, sending you out with that leg..." He trailed. I stiffened, taking the shirt from him.

"He wants me to see if anyone gets hurt, or dies." I breathed, taking my shirt off to slip on the new one. I could feel that the fabric was much more durable, but airier, cooler on my skin. "I usurped his position, and even though he considers it a good idea, he still wants me to understand exactly what I'm propositioning. After all, a plan sounds great in words, but these are real lives that I'm talking about, lives of people who could be seriously affected by the way I intend to use them. He just wants me to grasp the gravity of the situation accurately." I tried to simplify it, but Eren just looked more confused, reaching down and undoing my pants so he could help me into the new ones. Once I was redressed, he led me out of the room, stopping by Hanji's office and asking them to watch my old clothes while we were out. After a bit of explaining, they agreed, reminding us to hurry back, because when Levi said an hour, he actually meant thirty minutes. Sure enough, by the time we managed to scurry back, he was already waiting, a few others from the group loitering around him. He gestured us over, handing the reigns of a horse over to Eren.

"We're going to rely mostly on Annie for this one, but I want you close by in case she runs in to any trouble. You can ride, can't you?" He asked, turning to me. I frowned, but nodded. I wasn't fantastic, but I could keep myself astride. "Even with that leg?" He added. I nodded again. "Good. If Annie needs him, then you're on your own. Get ready, we're leaving soon." And with that he began rallying the other troops. Eren clamored up onto the horse first, then offered a hand to me, easily lifting my weight and settling me in front of him.

As we waited, I pressed myself against his chest, letting his warmth wash over me, comforting. Everything had happened so fast that I hadn't realised how scared I actually was. There were Titans out there, ones that would love to devour me. And, as if that wasn't enough, now I had to worry about the wrong humans seeing me. I didn't personally know many soldiers outside of Jean, but if someone saw me, they'd try to rescue me, which would either end with them getting a hold of me and taking me back inside of the walls, which would end with me being recognized and either resacrificed or tortured for information, or them discovering the Titan-Shifters and possibly the entire population outside of the walls when Eren tried to protect me. Both options were undesirable.

But the soft rise and fall of Eren's too-warm chest against my back, the breath ruffling some of my hair, and the arms around my waist were enough to calm me down. Eren would keep me safe, and I knew that. There was no sense in worrying about what could be. If it came to that, then we could figure out a course of action then.

Everyone else got ready, and Levi barked a few commands, the group falling into a formation with Annie and Eren at the center. Eren took the reigns, and I was glad he did. Even though I'd said I knew how to ride, my knowledge was minimal. Horses were very expensive, and the average person couldn't afford them. So the only time I ever got to practise was when a soldier was feeling particularly nice, or I was working for a stable keeper. Needless to say, I had only the most basic skills. That was better than nothing though.

We traveled at a fast, but not breakneck speed, keeping a steady pace so as not to tire the horses. I had no idea how far away we really were from the walls. Eren traveled much faster than horses when in his Titan form, so it was hard for me to gauge it accurately. Not to mention I'd been in his mouth for more than half of the trip... I frowned at the memory, turning my head enough to talk to him.

"Never put me in your mouth again, okay?" I plead. He quirked a brow, sparing me a glance.

"Where did that come from?" He wondered.

"Just... Please." I trailed. He scoffed, pressing his face into the crook of my neck in favor of a verbal response. I laughed, nudging him back and reminding him to keep his eyes on where he was going. A pointed look from Annie, who was riding next to us, got him to straighten back up.

We went on for a few hours, my body aching from the motion of the horse. Everyone else seemed fine, and I had to marvel at their endurance. Perhaps I was just unused to it. But thankfully, we had apparently reached our destination, for Levi made a hand signal, and everyone turned, trotting to a stop, still in formation. He walked right down the middle, to where we were.

"Leonhardt, this operation depends mostly on you. We'll be here for backup, if you need us. Don't need us. Wait for my signal, don't kill unless necessary, and minimal harm to Kirstein. Understood?" He barked, and she nodded. He returned to the front of the group, waving his hand, and everyone scattered in different directions. Eren and I went the same way Annie did, but not before Levi shot me a pointed look. I hardened my own gaze, not faltering before him. Two others flanked us, and that was the extent of our group, galloping a few yards, and then we came to a stop. Annie hopped off of her horse, handing the reigns to one of the ones who'd followed us, ducking behind a tree and looking into the small clearing before us.

I was starting to doubt the entire operation, for there was nothing here, no soldiers, nothing to suggest any were coming, but then I heard them. They were on horses, about five of them, judging by the sound. But what was going to happen? I turned to look at Annie, but she wasn't behind the tree anymore. Heat flooded over me, and I swiveled to look behind, my eyes landing on a cloud of steam. From that, she emerged, her form that of a Titan, the one I'd seen when we'd arrived. Now that I had something to compare to, she did retain some of her traits, like her blue eyes and blonde hair. I couldn't get past the lack of skin though. Maybe with time.

She knelt down, and I realised she was trying to keep out of sight. But she must have received whatever signal she'd been waiting for, because she shot forward, into the clearing. My eyes followed, and I watched as four soldiers came into view, scattering at the sudden appearance of a Titan, one of them managing to shoot off a red flare in the confusion. I scanned each of the faces, all of them in differing states of panic, until I finally found Jean.

I recognized the look he had; He was trying to look braver than he really was. But even his facade faltered as Annie picked him out of the four possible candidates, and reached for him. He abandoned his horse, grappling onto a tree to escape, but she pursued. The other soldiers weren't engaging, maybe hoping to escape instead. Jean, on the other hand, seemed to realise that she was focused solely on him, and that he wasn't going to be fast enough to get away. So he made the only other choice he had, and anchored into her shoulder, obviously hoping he could do away with her quickly.

She caught him midair, holding him in her hand tightly enough that he was groaning. He took a slice at her fingers, and managed to get one off before she hardened the skin, breaking his blades. Her finger was already regenerating. Jean struggled helplessly, unable to reload a new blade, and too weak to fight his way out of her grip barehanded. He called to his allies, and they too tried to take a swing at Annie, but she easily guessed where they were aiming, and covered the nape of her neck, running away with Jean in tow. Eren and the other two with us took off, galloping in the same direction, but we kept our distance, not wanting to be seen.

After a while, they gave up on chasing after them, and fell away, leaving only Annie running, us tailing. Once it was apparent she was no longer being stalked, her pace slowed, and we were able to catch up. Jean had gone limp in her hand, maybe unconscious, or maybe he'd just given up. It seemed to be the second though, for he lifted his head at the sound of our horses' hooves beating the ground. Others began to converge on us from their respective hiding places, and Levi rounded up behind us, quickening his pace until he was beside us.

"Not bad, Arlert. No casualties, and as far as I can tell, no injuries on our side. That leg better heal up fast, I want you in training." He said before pulling ahead to the front of the formation. Eren nudged me from behind, earning a yelp as I lurched forward and nearly fell. He wrapped an arm around my waist to prevent it, laughing as I tried to twist around and scold him.

"He said 'not bad!' That's practically a compliment, coming from him! You should be proud of yourself." He offered, and I allowed myself a small smile. He'd said he wanted me in training. That meant I'd get to work with Eren, if I did alright. It also meant I'd been at least a little useful. Thus far, I'd felt entirely like a burden. After all, I was broken, literally having to be carried around for the first part of my stay. And even now that I could get around alone, I wasn't really contributing to the society they'd formed. If I could help with these operations, I'd not only be useful, I'd be an asset, just like Eren had promised.

Once we'd gotten far enough away from where the soldiers had been, we stopped, and Annie sat Jean down on the ground. He leapt into action, already on his feet and backing away from her. A few of our men came around behind him, making sure he couldn't escape, and then everything was momentarily covered in steam as Annie's Titan form disappeared. When the steam cleared, she appeared, locating the soldier that had taken her horse and getting back on. I turned to Jean, watching his face shift through multiple emotions; Confusion, anger, fear, uncertainty, his eyes shooting around and looking at faces, trying to understand, unable to. But finally his eyes fell on me, on Eren, and they widened with surprise, disbelief.

While he was busy taking everything in, his arms were tied behind his back. He didn't struggle as he was hefted onto someone's horse, like me, and we began riding again. Whenever he thought he could afford it, he'd crane his neck to look back at us. I wasn't sure what kind of expression to offer him, trying to be comforting. It only seemed to unsettle him though, which was fair enough; He'd thought both Eren and I were dead this whole time. I was a little worried now about him seeing Marco again. It was likely a good thing that nobody was told who the target was. At least this way we'd be able to prepare Jean at least a little bit.

When we began to near the town our comrades began to fall away, most of them unneeded any longer. Only the central part of the formation continued to the castle, and we rode inside, escaping the attention of the town before anyone could come out in hopes of catching a glimpse of the new arrival. Even more of our group left after getting inside, only Levi, Jean, Annie, Eren, and I remaining. The ones that left took our horses, and Levi led us further into the fortress. We were in a room, the door closed, Annie and Eren blocking the door when Levi began untying Jean, the teen in question very still. But as soon as the ropes fell to the ground, he sprinted fourth, managing to punch Eren once in the face before Levi could pull him back.

"Shit!" Eren yelled, bringing a hand up to his nose, which was now bleeding. I scrambled to his side, tilting his head down when he tried to lean it back. He glared at Jean over his hand, watching him struggle fruitlessly against the smaller male restraining him. "The hell is your problem?" He demanded, his voice nasally since he was pinching his nose.

Jean didn't reply, only struggled harder. I bit my lip, unsure of what I should be doing. On the one hand, I wanted to talk to him, to explain everything, but I didn't know if that was allowed, if that was my place. And even if it was allowed, where would I begin? I wasn't exactly on the up and up, if I thought about it, and therefore not the best person to tell him. But I wanted to offer some form of comfort, anything. Because I knew, I could tell; He was terrified, lost, acting like a cornered animal.

We all stilled when we heard footsteps coming down the hallway. The click of a boot alternating with the clang of metal. My eyes widened, as did Eren's. Even Annie showed a minute reaction, turning her head towards the door. We all knew who he was, what he meant to Jean. But how did Marco know? Surely the purpose behind his footsteps, too quick to be a leisurely pace, meant that he knew, that he was coming. But it had been kept under wraps! Had someone leaked the information?

I looked at Jean, who was confused by the anticipation on everyone's face. He didn't know. He wasn't prepared. But there was nothing to be done, for the footsteps had neared, stopped, panting breath sounding from the other side of the door. There was a pause, and then the knob turned, the door opening inward. And there he was, Marco, face flushed, hair mussed, arm and leg gone, replaced, panting, quickly looking around the room, at each face, until he found the one he'd come in search of.

It was silent, even Marco's breath hitching. And they stared, both unmoving, unbelieving. I watched as both of them went through several acceptances and denials, until finally their eyes began to get a glassy look, Marco's tears falling first. Levi apparently decided restraining Jean wasn't worth the effort anymore, and he lurched forward, running so fast that I didn't even register his movement until I saw limbs tangling, Marco barely able to keep them upright as Jean literally wrapped himself around the taller boy, crying loudly. Marco reciprocated the affection, not really having a choice unless he was prepared to let Jean fall. I could almost feel my own bones creaking just by watching their embrace, cheeks smashed together as they held each other and sobbed. Levi and Annie took their leave, and, as much as I'd have liked to witness the reunion, I nudged Eren along after them. It was the least I could do. They had a lot to talk about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. This time I have no real excuses, other than distraction. My attention span has been very shifty lately. I think it's mostly because I've tried roleplaying for the first time, and am now addicted. But, on the bright side, it's keeping me in a creative mood.  
> So, like, Jean yall! He's made his appearance! Sorry that most of what you've seen is him being a baby, but he'll be making a pretty regular appearance after this. And I'll be able to write the JeanMarco side story soon, which is very exciting for me, because I've been dying to do it for ages now!  
> And look at Armin, being useful at last! He'll hopefully be getting steadily more badass from now on. We've just got to get that leg all patched up. But there's going to be at least one more chapter before we hit another time jump, to see Jean settling in. More on that when the chapter comes out.
> 
> Anywho, thanks for reading, and I appreciate all the comments/reviews/reblogs/likes/follows... You get the point. Thanks for the support! You guys keep me writing, so keep it up! KuroRiya out for now.
> 
> KuroRiya
> 
> 九六りや


	10. Chapter 10

Jean moved in with Marco. It was 'temporary' at the moment, but if his literal attachment to the other man was any indicator, it was going to be a permanent arrangement sooner or later. I would have thought it funny to see the two of them, both rather large and definitely masculine, hand in hand. But Eren and I did the same thing, so I could understand how Jean felt. He'd been reunited with someone he'd thought lost, his closest, dearest friend. Several times I found myself wondering just how much they had talked about; Marco had been through a lot, and convincing Jean of his well being must have been quite a task.

Eren and I visited a few days after Jean's arrival, and it was pleasant for about ten minutes, then Eren and Jean somehow ended up in a fist fight, and I had to excuse the both of us as I dragged a kicking and screaming Eren back to our own cabin. It went surprisingly well, considering I was still in a splint. But I'd been getting around without the crutch, which was a big improvement. It definitely hurt a little, but nothing I couldn't bear. The quicker I recovered, the quicker I could be useful.

In the meantime, I was working with Hanji, who was teaching me as much as they could about maneuvering and strategics without actually sending me out to try it myself. My leg was still too messed up for me to be putting that much pressure on it. Still, I was apparently an honorary member of the corps. They planned to have me along as soon as I was in good condition. That in mind, I was made privy to all of the things Eren was. So I was there when they finally talked about Mikasa.

Levi gathered a small task force, Eren and I included, and began explaining. Apparently they'd finally decided that it was time to fetch her, since they didn't have to go for me. But we were only being told because we were close to her. Because she was still just a civilian in the walls, it was an inside operation, one that we couldn't be involved in. But it was fantastic news regardless.

The day of, Eren and I Mikasa-proofed the house. That mostly involved cleaning up and making the couch look liveable. The plan was for me to move into Eren's room, and give Mikasa the spare that still hadn't been cleaned out. But there wasn't time for us to get to it just yet, so the couch would have to do for a bit. And, honestly, it wasn't such a bad couch. I'd expected it to give out pretty quickly, but it was still standing, even after all of the living I'd done on it, and all of the roughhousing Eren partook in.

We'd just finished when there came a knock to the door. After exchanging excited glances, we raced to the it, Eren getting there first since he had full use of both his legs. He swung the door open, a grin already on his face. But it wasn't Mikasa on the other side; It was Levi. He let himself in, tromping over to one of the kitchen chairs and flopping down, crossing one leg over the other before he spoke.

"...You aren't gonna like this, shitty brat." He warned, glancing at Eren. He and I shared a worried look as he closed the door, and we gathered near Levi's chair. "Your sister, Mikasa? She just started training. We're stuck." He said bluntly. I felt my heart sink, but I actually watched Eren's do it. His face fell, looking crestfallen and so broken for just a moment, then it snapped to anger.

"What do you mean?" He demanded, fisting his hands. Levi wasn't intimidated in the least.

"Just what I said, shitstain. We can't just waltz into training and snatch her up. You're going to have to wait till she graduates." He spat, standing. "And don't come storming after me, complaining about how unfair it is. I can't change it, and it's not my problem again till she graduates." He added, taking his leave. The door closed with an air of finality, leaving both Eren and I in something of a stunned stupor. It was silent between us for seconds, then Eren growled angrily, kicking the legs of the chair, sending it clattering to the floor. The sound made me wince, and I sighed, bending down to pick up the chair he'd knocked over.  
"Eren-" I began, but he cut me off by kicking the chair over again, glaring at me as if daring me to pick it up again. I huffed, doing just that, setting it back up on its legs. "Eren, stop..." Again, I was cut off by the sound of the wood hitting the floor of the cabin. My eyes narrowed.

"Look, I know you're mad, but don't take it out on the furniture. It's rickety enough as is." I mumbled, picking it up a third time. I stared at him pointedly, hand on the back of the chair, just in case he was having any thoughts of knocking it over again. He snarled a bit, but didn't go for it again.

"It's frustrating, I know. I was looking forward to it too. But, like Levi said, there's no helping it." I said, trying to reason with him, to calm him down. But it seemed to have the opposite effect, and he lurched forward, grabbing the edge of the table and tossing it into the wall. The loud thud elicited a flinch from me, and I worried that the wood would split. But it thankfully kept its form. And yet, Eren wasn't done. He went for the couch next, pushing at the back of it until it flipped, the legs in the air. Next went the coffee table, which had two recently emptied mugs on it. They shattered as he flung the table into the bookshelves that we'd built a week ago, a few books falling to the floor from the jostle. And he screamed, shouted, cursed.

A few minutes and several upturned pieces of furniture later, he collapsed to the ground, frame shaking with angry tears that he'd turned away in a bid to hide from me. I sighed, approaching slowly, making sure my footsteps were loud enough for him to hear so that he wasn't startled. When I reached his side, I sat, with a little difficulty, next to him, and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pulling him towards me until he was resting against my collar. His initial response was to jerk away, to hide his weakness. But he seemed to think better of it, fisting my shirt in his hands as he turned his face into the fabric, letting the tears fall. His sobs were mostly silent, just sharp intakes of breath really. But I could feel it, feel his hatred, and regret, and longing. He missed his sister more than he let on.

Truthfully, I wasn't missing Mikasa as much as he was. Maybe it was because I'd still been with her up until recently, or maybe because she and I just weren't as close to each other as she and Eren were. It was still sad that she wouldn't be joining us, but my excitement had mostly been vicarious, through Eren. I'd never admit that to him, but it was helpful in my consolation of him, because I was much calmer than he.

"Eren, shhh." I cooed, dragging my fingers through his already messy hair. "I know." I added. His sobbing intensified, and I let him soak my shirt, adding a few of my own tears to his. I hated seeing him like this. I was tired of such an unfair life. I wished for nothing more than the past, when the three of us, though not well off, were together, happy, young, with dreams and aspirations. Why did it seem that the world was against that? We'd been so close, right there, and then it was torn from under us.

Why did she join the military? She and I had abandoned that after Eren's sacrifice. What had rekindled her resolve? Perhaps losing me took a greater toll than I assumed. Even if she was emotionally numb, she had to make a living. We barely scraped by with our combined salaries. She'd probably lost the small house we'd been renting together, unable to supplement my share of the pay. Maybe she'd joined out of necessity. But, I had the nastiest feeling that she joined out of sheer disdain, in need of power to gain some kind of security, or perhaps even revenge. It was unsettling how easily I could see that being the case. Out of everyone I knew in the world, Mikasa definitely deserved the most revenge. She'd lost two sets of parents, an adoptive sibling, and a friend. She had nothing left. Why not join the military?

Eventually Eren's tears stopped falling, and his breathing slowed down, more than I expected. I was a little surprised to find him asleep, shaking my head in disbelief. He really was such a child, throwing a tantrum and then passing out. But it was alright, he'd earned a little rest. Knowing I'd be unable to move him, I simply settled against the floor, pulling his frame down with me slowly so that he rested on me. I didn't sleep, opting to lose myself in my thoughts instead, his breathing providing white noise for me.

There was so much for me to think about. Because of Levi's news, Eren was going to be in a foul mood for a while, maybe even until Mikasa came. And even though everyone kept saying that his behavior improved when I arrived, I couldn't help but fret at the thought of a mopey Eren. I hated to see him down, and he'd been on such a high since he'd rescued me. But reality was setting back in again, as it always did, and I couldn't think of anything I could do that would really cheer him up. The most I could offer would be my company. I only hoped that would be enough to tide him over.

To be entirely honest, I was a little frustrated, without even knowing why. It bothered me that Eren was so concerned about his sister. After all, I was there for him, what more could he need? They were disgusting, selfish thoughts, and I hated myself as soon as I thought them, but they persisted in the back of my mind, even as I tried to force them away. The world I lived in was so cold, cruel, uncaring of your name, your life, your emotions, your needs. It was hard to be selfless all the time in a world as harsh as that, but I tried my best to be. And yet, here were these ugly thoughts. Where had they even come from? I'd always loved Mikasa, as something of a family member, and accepted that she and Eren were siblings. Why was I jealous?

Eren stirred, and I realised I'd been thinking in circles longer than I'd thought. He yawned, stretching a bit, then seemed to realise that he wasn't sleeping on the bed, and looked up. He just stared at me for a while, then he frowned, shuffling so he was propped up on one elbow.

"Armin? What are we doing on the floor?" He wondered, rubbing his eyes blearily. I smiled knowingly, my experience with Eren telling me that he'd get his wits about him soon enough. It took but a few seconds, then his mind seemed to catch up to his body, and his face fell to a scowl. "Oh, right." He grumbled, letting his arm fall out from under him so he was laying on me again, sighing heavily.

We lay still for a while, and I was starting to think he'd fallen asleep again, but then he glanced up, his emerald greens meeting my gaze.

"Sorry for... For freaking out." He mumbled, twisting my shirt around his index finger. "I didn't handle that very well." He admitted, biting his lip. I rolled my eyes with a scoff.

"I didn't notice." I quipped, earning a huff from him as he flicked my nose.

"Don't be an ass about it, Armin." He groaned, smiling nonetheless.

"That doesn't have much bearing coming from you." I pointed out. He only stuck his tongue out at me, getting all the way up and offering me a hand.

"Whatever. I'm going to clean up..." He trailed, looking around at the chaos he'd created. "And I don't want you to help me. It's my fault." He added sternly, narrowing his eyes. I was actually surprised that he'd denied help, but I was proud. It was small, but it meant he'd matured at least a little. I nodded.

"Alright. I'll go visit Jean and Marco. I've been wanting to see how they're doing anyway." I decided, already tromping over to the door, smiling at Eren's little noise of distress.

"Do you really have to go see that stupid horse-face?" He demanded. I turned, grinning at him before taking my leave, heading to the cabin I knew they were sharing. The walk gave me a moment to clear my head, and I put thoughts of Mikasa away for the time being. I'd assumed that Eren would want to talk about it immediately, since it was clearly bothering him. But he'd let it go, at least for the time being, and I was going to respect that. Maybe this was his way of coping with the shock, and I wasn't going to take that away from him. If he never wanted to talk about it, then I wouldn't force him to. But when he did want to talk, and there was no question in my mind that he would, I'd be happy to listen. Until then, I'd let him throw his little fits and break whatever he liked as he tried to control his emotions, and hold him when he needed to be held. He'd do the same for me.

I arrived at Marco's cabin, staring at the wood of the door for a few seconds, suddenly hesitant about intruding. Maybe they were busy, or maybe they were having some important conversation. I'd hate to interrupt. But where else was I to go? Reiner and Bertholdt were working, so they wouldn't be home. I was just contemplating turning around and returning to my own cabin, when a voice from behind startled me into a yelp.

"It's not going to knock for you, no matter how hard you stare." The voice said, cynical but not unkind. I whirled to face Jean, who offered me a little smirk. My cheeks were flushed from being caught staring like a freak, but he didn't seem perturbed.

"S-sorry, I was... I didn't want to bother you if you were busy, and I-" I began, but he held up a hand to stop my vomiting of words, stepping around me and opening the door, heading inside and leaving it open, an invitation for me to follow.

"Marco, I'm back!" He called into the cabin. "Armin's here to visit, sans Jaeger!" He added. A froth of messy brown hair popped over the top of the couch, a rather rumpled Marco smiling in my direction.

"Hey." He called, yawning as he stood. "Sorry, I ended up taking a nap." He admitted, smiling sheepishly at Jean, said teen setting down a big bucket of water. I realised that he must have been bathing, for he was lightly dressed, hair damp, and was carrying another set of clothes over his arm. Jean shrugged, walking towards one of the doors and carelessly tossing the clothes inside. Marco frowned, rolling his eyes and glaring at the back of Jean's head until the other male sighed, entering the room and not returning for a few seconds. I guessed that he'd gone in to properly dispose of his clothes. Marco smiled as he emerged, beckoning me over to the couch while he smoothed out his hair.

"I'll make some tea, please, have a seat." He offered, already heading to the kitchen. Jean joined me on the couch, flopping down gracelessly.

"Not that I'm complaining, but no Jaeger?" He inquired, quirking a brow. I smiled softly.

"He threw a fit, and is currently cleaning up the mess. Thought it might be nice to catch up with you two." I offered.

"Everything okay?" Marco asked from the stove, putting water on to boil. I nodded quickly.

"Yeah, we just got some bad news today, and he didn't take it well." I explained. I was trying not to be very specific, as I didn't know how much they were allowed to know.

"Oh, about Mikasa, I assume?" Marco supplied. Word had gotten around then.

"Yes." I agreed, sighing. "Since you know about it, then I guess it's fine to talk about it. Mikasa joined the training corps, so we can't go for her till she graduates, at least. Eren's having a hard time with it." I elaborated, accepting the steaming cup that Marco handed to me. He gave one to Jean as well, squeezing in between us. Jean raised some halfhearted protest, scooting over to make room anyway, and I didn't miss the arm he draped over Marco's shoulders. I smirked at the brunette coyly, his face flushing immediately as he looked away, trying to hide the blush in his tea.

"Ah, that sucks." Jean grumbled, head falling back to rest against the couch. "She's really pretty." He lamented.

"J-Jean!" I gasped, looking at Marco worriedly. But he didn't seem bothered, thankfully.

"What?" He wondered, a little surprised by my outburst. "She is! It's not like I'm after her or anything, though. Not anymore..." He trailed, sighing. That was a relief, and I relaxed back into the cushions. I could understand why he'd find Mikasa attractive; She was lean, well proportioned and had straight black hair, grey eyes clear and calculating. It was an icy kind of look, she was the type that was so frightening, it was hard to overlook her. Stunning. But Jean had already tried, and failed, to gain her affections, a few times actually. And it looked like he'd given up. All the better for Marco.

"You know Eren would be after you with the maneuver gear in a heartbeat if you tried anything with Mikasa." I pointed out, and he scowled.

"I'm not scared of fucking Jaeger!" He snapped, earning a look from Marco that quickly calmed him down. He muttered to himself angrily though, only a few words like 'brat' and 'fucker' making their way to my ears. I allowed myself a small chuckle, nudging Marco in the side gently. He rolled his eyes, exasperated, but smiling all the same.

"Anyway, I came to see how the two of you are doing. I didn't get to talk much last time since Eren picked a fight. Are you settling in well, Jean?" I questioned. He grinned, nodding.

"After the initial shock, yeah. Sorry for freaking out." He said, frowning. I shook my head.

"No, no, it was an appropriate reaction. If I had been in my right mind, I would have been freaking out too." I promised, sipping at the tea again. Marco scoffed.

"You didn't even see the half of it!" He exclaimed, Jean's face falling.

"Marco, don't-"

"This pissbaby bawled his eyes out for a good half hour before I could even get him to speak one syllable words." Marco said, Jean looking very betrayed in that moment. "And even then, it was really broken and unintelligible." He laughed as Jean retracted his arm and crossed it with the other one against his chest, face rosy red. I shared a knowing look with the brunette, smiling.

"It's alright, Jean, I cried too!" I offered. He looked up, still red, but hopeful. "Not for half an hour, but, you know..." I added, chuckling when his face fell back into the scowl, and he huffed. It wasn't very often that I got to tease someone. Marco giggled as well, his shoulder gently shoving mine.

"Alright, alright, I think he's had enough. Any redder and he'd explode!" Marco laughed, his arm coming up to wrap around Jean's shoulders this time. I held my breath as I watched from his left side, and I saw him hesitate, his mechanical arm freezing for a fraction of a second before he draped it over Jean's form, his frame slumping with relief when he wasn't rebuked. Jean didn't even bat a lash, huffing dramatically before scooting closer.

I couldn't help but grin, trying to hide it in my cup, as Marco had done with his blush earlier. I'd been a bit worried, but it seemed like they were doing well. And Jean was probably good for Marco. As far as I could tell, he hadn't really acknowledged the mechanical parts, and he didn't act any differently because of them. Marco needed that. And, if I wasn't mistaken, it was starting to look like Marco had more than just a small chance with Jean.

I finished my tea, saying goodbye for the day, deciding Eren had probably finished, and would be wanting for my company. They waved me off, asking that I visit again soon. I nodded, hobbling back to my own cabin. I passed a very tired looking Reiner and Bertholdt on the way. I greeted them, but they were unable to offer much more than noncommittal grunts, and I sent them on their way quickly, insisting they eat something then go to bed. What could have them so ragged, I wondered. But it wasn't really my business, so I put it from my mind, opening the door to our cabin.

It was quiet inside, everything put back in its proper place. Deeming it safe to enter, I stepped through the doorway, closing it behind me. I looked around, wondering where Eren had gotten to, not finding him in any of the rooms. But I found his discarded clothing, which clued me in. He must have been at the river, bathing. It was a bit late for him, but he definitely needed it; His hair was starting to get a little tangled and greasy.

I decided to start dinner, just settling for some noodles, since I was feeling groggy. They cooked quickly enough, and I divided them between two bowls, setting the table before sitting down. I glanced out of the window, wondering what was taking Eren so long. It never took him this long to clean up. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt, getting back up and pouring us each a glass of water.

Twenty minutes later, and I was starting to panic. I went outside, walking to the river and looking for any sign of my friend, finding none, not even a change of clothes. That was disconcerting. But I tried to be reasonable, heading to the cabins of everyone that knew Eren, as far as I was aware. But no one had seen him. Jean and Marco showed the most concern, offering to help me look. It was late though, so I shook my head, going back to the cabin to see if maybe we'd crossed paths and simply missed each other. But no, it was still empty.

Now I was freaking out. As fast as my legs could take me, even impaired, I rushed to the castle in the center of town. After some searching, I located Levi. Nervous as I was around him, I inquired about Eren. He only blinked, then sighed, his face not really changing, yet somehow looking more irritated. That only alarmed me more.

"Stupid shitty brat." He grumbled, walking down the hall, me on his heels.

"S-Sir?" I questioned. He glared my way for a moment before turning back around.

"He's gone off after that girl, the one we were supposed to fetch today." He explained. My eyes widened. I couldn't say that I'd put it past Eren. I decided to trust Levi's judgment, following as he roused a good number of people and commanded they get saddled up. Speed was essential, since Eren would have transformed to make the trip, and would therefore be moving very fast. All we could hope for was that he'd stay out of trouble long enough for us to recover him.

Levi tried to tell me to go home, but my mouth got the better of me again, and, after a tense glaring match, he relented, fetching Eren's horse for me. We waited a few seconds, then Annie arrived, a little disheveled, but awake, and we took off into the night.

All I could do as I struggled to remain astride the galloping horse was hope, hope against all odds that my stupid best friend hadn't done something stupid enough to get him killed. Because I couldn't handle losing him again. My eyes already struggled to hold back tears, but I remained focused. I had to save him, had to talk sense into him. If I couldn't do it, then who could?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to get the ball rolling, it seems. I literally decided where I was going to take this as I was writing it. But now I've got a direction to head in, so hopefully I can update quicker next time. The holidays got in the way a bit, I must admit.  
> I was trying to finish it in time to post it yesterday, as a Christmas present, but alas, I didn't finish in time! But here it is, a day late and maybe a dollar short, but here nonetheless. This chapter was pretty low key, until the very end, in my opinion. Calm before the storm? Well, I got to write my precious JeanMarco babies, which made it totally worth it for me. I mentioned a little side story for them, and I think I might work on that soon. I can't get enough of those dorks, it's not even funny!  
> Well, I've much to attend to, so I'll leave it at that for the time being. Thank you for reading, and I hope you liked the chapter! I'll work hard to get the next one out soon!
> 
> KuroRiya
> 
> 九六りや


	11. Chapter 11

We rode quickly, not bothering to mask the sounds of the horses' hooves beating against the ground as they ran. I followed almost mechanically, most of my attention focused on staying astride without Eren's arms to box me in. It was much harder than I thought it would be, especially with the horse running at its top speed. But I refused to fall off, refused to even voice my difficulty. I wouldn't be a burden, not here, not now.

The rest of my attention was devoted to keeping myself as calm as possible. Thoughts of Eren, of losing him again floated around my mind relentlessly. It took everything I had to keep my tears and screams down, but I did. There was no time to panic or worry. I had to get to him, had to keep him safe. I should have seen that he was more distressed than he let on; I'm his best friend, it's my responsibility to be able to read his emotions just like I do the books I love. And I couldn't. I messed up. And now he was in danger.

Annie rode next to me, and I could feel her glancing over at me every once in a while. Maybe she was making sure I was still okay, still looking forward. Or maybe she was checking to see if I'd fallen off the horse, and someone needed to take the reins. I didn't know how much Annie cared for Eren, and I had the feeling she didn't care for me at all. We hadn't conversed much at all, hadn't even really been around each other more than two or three times. At some point, our eyes met, and she pulled closer. It made me nervous. What could she want? Was she going to tell me that I was going too slow, that I was holding everyone else back?

When she got to my side, she simply reached over, keeping one hand on the reins, and tugged my hood up. I hadn't realised, but the wind whipping by my cheeks was pretty cold, and the hood blocked some of the harshness. She didn't say anything, pulling away again without a sound. I couldn't muster words either.

We continued for what seemed like ages, even longer than when we'd gone for Jean, until I could see the outermost wall in the distance. My stomach began to churn, the sight of it filling me with fear, anticipation. The last time I'd seen the wall, I'd been dangling from it, an offering to the Titans. But I had to swallow my discomfort, for Eren's sake.

Levi rounded us up a little ways away, bringing us to a halt before speaking.

"I'd hoped we'd catch up with him somewhere along the way, but obviously he's been gone longer than I'd assumed. We're going to have to do an inside operation. Break into your teams, switch to maneuver gear, and follow me to the training camp. When we get there, separate and circle it. If you see Jaeger, don't try to grab him. He's being a stupid fuck right now, so he'd cause a scene. If you see him, find me or Arlert." He snapped, eyes flicking my way to make sure everyone knew who I was. "Stay out of sight, and besilent. Be prepared to move out at my signal. Tie the horses loosely." He finished, tapping his horse's sides so that it started trotting again. Everyone did as told, tying their horses just a little ways away from the wall and checking their gear to make sure it was in working order. I didn't have any.

Annie came over just as everyone started scaling the wall and picked me up, not even grunting with effort as she hefted me up and took her turn anchoring into the wall and heading over. I was put back down as soon as we were on the other side, and I offered her a quick 'thanks' before we started moving again. I was slower than everyone else, what with my leg still not fully healed, but I did my best, and Annie, though running ahead of me, did stay close enough that I could follow her.

It was eerie how familiar everything was. I wasn't from this area, yet I felt like I'd seen every bush, every tree. But it wasn't a good kind of familiarity, it was haunting. The things I once trusted seemed ominous and hostile in the night. I didn't belong here anymore. Inside of these walls, I was dead, and I was painfully aware of that fact. What if someone saw me? No one in this area knew me, yet I had a feeling everything would fall apart if I was seen.

That got my feet moving quicker, for sure. The faster we got this over with, the faster we could retreat to safety. Everyone else seemed to share my thoughts, for I could see no one but Annie, who was purposely keeping pace with me. Still, even she and I quickly came upon the training camp. I'd never been before, but Levi clearly knew the way, for he'd taken us straight there, no getting turned around.

It was quiet, very few lights on at this time of night. Soldiers had to get up early, so they went to bed early as well. Still, a few windows glowed with flickering candle light. I followed Annie, taking a position behind a few thick trees, simply watching the area for anyone who might be Eren. It was impossible to know if he was even nearby; Unlike Levi, he wasn't in the military, and had never been to the training camp. Though everyone knew its location, he'd have to figure out where he was before he could head this way. If he was lucky, he had stumbled this way when he got over the wall. Otherwise, he could be anywhere, trying to find his way here. Either way, this was the best place for us to look for him.

It was quiet for a long time, only one person having moved around the camp while we watched, and he was much too big to have been Eren. He passed quickly from one building to another, and more candles were blown out as we waited. The moon began to move, reaching its peak, and falling a bit before there was any kind of disturbance. I heard someone a ways away shout something, louder than they should have. I had no idea what they said, only that they'd said Eren's name. Annie was already moving, and I was quick to follow after her, though my reaction time wasn't nearly as sharp as hers.

By the time I'd caught up, she'd tackled someone to the ground, and they were currently engrossed in a rather painful looking wresting match. I drew closer, making sure the person she was grappling with was Eren before I intervened. As soon as I was sure, I braced myself, then leapt in, doing my best to untangle Eren's limbs from Annie's. He fought, his arms flailing wildly, not caring who or what he hit. This didn't stop till one of his hands hit me in the nose, and I fell away with a groan, already able to taste the blood dribbling into my mouth. He stilled then, looking over his shoulder.

"A-Armin?" He mumbled, eyes going wide. He looked at Annie then, his mouth opening and shutting a few times, as if he wanted to say something. "What are you two doing here?" He demanded finally, backing off from Annie. I tried to reply, but ended up having to stop, too much blood preventing me from verbalizing properly.

"We're here to save your sorry ass." Annie supplied, glaring at him harshly.

"Save me?" He prompted, obviously wanting elaboration.

"Yes, save you. Did you really think you wouldn't get caught?" She questioned. He furrowed his brow, leveling a glare right back at her. That wasn't good.

I spat the blood that had collected in my mouth out, scrubbing at my nose to lessen the flow enough that I could speak. Maybe Annie didn't know, but getting Eren angry right now would be the worst thing she could do.

"Eren, please, just listen to me for a second." I plead, my voice nasally but steady. He turned his attention to me, gaze softening with guilt as he took in my face. I took that as confirmation that he was listening. "I know that you're upset about Mikasa. I'm upset too. But this is a really bad idea. What would they think if Mikasa just disappeared all of a sudden? She'd be considered a traitor, they'd send search parties out for her! And what are the odds that no one is going to see you? Stealth isn't your forte, Eren." I pointed out, wiping my nose again as I stood up. It was clear that he didn't like my words, but his anger hadn't flared yet. If anything, the fire that Annie had set was all but extinguished already.

"But... She's right there." He murmured, looking towards the camp. I followed his gaze, my eyes tracing over the buildings. It stung, because it dawned on me how right he was. She was inside one of those buildings, probably miserable, believing both of us to be dead. We were mere meters away from relieving so much of the pain weighing on Mikasa. It was so tempting to go to her, to tell her that we were alive, well, thriving. But I knew better.

"I know, Eren, I know." I said, drawing closer, moving slowly. "But we can't." I added, standing before him now. He visibly deflated, and it hurt to see him like that, but it was better than seeing him alight. If he was angry, he made stupid decisions. "We have to wait."

I pulled him to me, guiding his head to the crook of my shoulder, my fingers running through his hair in what I hoped was a soothing gesture. I could feel moisture there, sweat from running. I didn't care.

"I know you don't want to wait, but just a few more years. Then she can come. And she'll already be a trained soldier, so she can protect herself. Just have a little more patience." I begged. He made no move to extract himself from me, just going limp in my arms, his defeat radiating off of him in waves. I sighed, sharing the sentiment. I caught sight of Levi over Eren's shoulder, and motioned for him to come over. He did so, rounding on us quickly.

"You," He snarled, pointing at Eren, "Are in a shitload of trouble." He finished, eyes narrow as he glared him down. Eren shrank, eyes trained on the ground and head low. I patted his back reassuringly, though I didn't know how much comfort I could really offer him. I couldn't stop Levi from dealing out whatever punishment he saw fit. But I could at least be there for him. I watched Levi light something that looked like a candle, though the flame burned larger than I would have thought. He held this above his head, and I could see shadows moving between the trees, heading back towards the wall. He gave Eren a pointed look before he began in that direction too, Annie following after. Eren reached over for my hand, squeezing it. But he didn't move.

I looked over at him to find his eyes trained on the camp, gaze longing. I too spared it a glance, but quickly turned around. I didn't want to start considering it. I pulled him forward, walking quickly, then breaking into a run when I was sure he'd turned around. I couldn't go very fast, but he didn't complain, keeping my hand in his and matching my pace with ease. We made it to the wall and found Annie and Levi both waiting for us. Annie picked me up again, and Levi did the same with Eren, both of them easily getting over the wall before putting us down, and we resumed running until we got back to the horses.

Eren got on with me, taking the reins much to my relief. I didn't know if I had the energy to control the horse again. And it felt safer with his arms around me like that. Once we'd been riding for a while, he dropped the reins from one hand, wrapping that around my waist instead. He leaned forward, pressing himself as close to me as he could, and he rested his chin against my shoulder. I could feel his breathing, forced to be slow. He was trying to stay calm. I couldn't offer him much, but I did what I could, one of my hands resting over his. That must have been enough, because his breathing got easier, and we eventually made it back to the refugee city.

Nobody roused when we returned, so it was pretty easy to get the horses to the stables and ready for the night. Eren and I lingered after everyone else, both of us anticipating the punishment Levi had all but promised. Yet, when it was just the three of us, he gave us an annoyed look, one thin brow quirked as if to ask what we were waiting for.

"If you're expecting a spanking, then get going already. It's the middle of the night, and I'm too tired to put up with your bullshit. I'll deal with you tomorrow. I suggest you suck up to your boyfriend though; Your ass would be a lot sorrier if it weren't for him." He spat, trudging off into the castle, his boots clicking against the floor as he vanished down a hallway. Eren seemed genuinely surprised, especially considering he hadn't argued the 'boyfriend' comment. But then relief washed over him, and he offered me a small smile.

"Thanks." He mumbled quietly, taking my hand. "And... Sorry." He added. I rolled my eyes, taking his hand and walking us back towards the cabin outcropping. He followed without protest, walking a little behind me. It was usually the other way around, me trailing behind him. Things had changed so much in so little time. I never realised how vulnerable he really was. He'd been so good at looking after me, I'd never noticed.

We made it back to the cabin, opening the door and stepping in to find Jean and Marco asleep on the couch, Marco's head on Jean's shoulder. Eren and I exchanged a look, then I woke Jean up. I knew from experience that it was much easier to get him conscious than Marco. He smacked his lips a few times and grumbled, but eventually opened his eyes blearily. He simply stared at me for a long time, as if confused by my face, but finally he put his mind back together and snapped up, quickly shaking Marco until he was stirring.

"What are you two doing here?" I wondered, looking around to make sure that this was, indeed, our cabin. Marco whined as Jean shook him again, his good eye opening lazily, then closing again.

"We were worried about this little asshole, so we came to check on you guys. We were waiting for you to get back, and I guess we passed out. What time is it?" He wondered.

"Hours past midnight, for sure." I replied, glancing out of the window. Jean groaned, running a hand over his face.

"Jeez. Where the hell were you two?" He demanded, trying to wake Marco again, to no avail. I winced, looking to Eren. He gave me no indication of what he wanted me to say, so I decided on the truth.

"Eren tried to go get Mikasa by himself." I said, and Jean's eyes widened, flicking over to Eren. "But we stopped him before he could cause too much trouble." I added quickly. He seemed to relax at that, though the look he gave Eren was still sharp.

"You're a fucking idiot, you know that?" He snarled. I was surprised that Eren didn't retort, but I was also thankful. They stared at each other for a long time, squaring up, then Jean sighed. "Is everyone alright?" He asked. I nodded.

"Yes, we found him before he even got to the camp." I offered.

"Then what the hell happened to your nose?" He questioned. I blinked, bringing my hand up to touch at it curiously. I winced, remembering that it'd been bleeding earlier.

"I got caught in the middle of Eren and Annie's tussle." I admitted, heading over to the sink and taking a moment to clean my face up. I didn't want to see the look Eren was getting from Jean in that moment. "I'm fine, don't worry about it. I've had worse, believe me." I promised. Jean sighed, but he did cool off, obviously coming to the conclusion that there was nothing he could do. Then he made a noise of distress when, instead of waking up, Marco's head fell into his lap, and the bigger teen let out a soft snore. I smiled wryly, taking Eren's hand. "Don't worry about waking Marco up. You guys can have the couch for the night." I offered, pulling Eren towards the bedroom. "Goodnight." I called, receiving a mumbled reply before I closed the door.

Eren flopped onto the bed, laying still while I stood, letting my eyes adjust to the moonlight. I felt tired, my whole body worn out from all of the panic and adrenaline, from riding and running. I wondered how exhausted Eren must be feeling. Not to mention he had tomorrow's castigation looming over his head. I looked at his face, his green eyes open but unfocused.

"Eren." I cooed, moving to his side of the bed and sitting next to him. He looked at me, face solemn. "You shouldn't wear those clothes to bed." I pointed out. "They're all sweaty."

He looked down at the clothes in question, then sat up, taking his shirt off. I got up to give him the room he needed, and walked over to the dresser, pulling out some fresh clothes for him to sleep in. But when I returned to his side to hand them to him, he simply knocked them out of my hands and onto the ground. I quirked a brow, wondering if he was really going to throw another fit right now, but he silenced any arguments I might have had by wrapping me up in a hug, squeezing a little too tight for comfort. I didn't have a chance to say anything else before he pulled away.

He set to work taking my clothes off, my cloak bloody and shirt sweaty. He stripped me down to my underwear, then pulled me into the bed. Under normal circumstances I'd have complained. But I understood that he was hurting, and was craving closeness. I let him drag the covers over us, let him pull me against him, let him tuck his head under my chin and breathe against my collar. And we were quiet for a long time, just laying there, neither of us closing our eyes. I could feel his lashes brush against my skin every time he blinked.

"Armin?" He murmured.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't think before I acted. I just... I miss her. She's my sister, you know? She's the only family I have left." He said. My heart clenched, but I ignored it. I knew better than to think Eren considered me family. "I finally have you here, and I'm so happy. I missed you just as much. But... Now that I have you, I just want more. I want everything to be back to normal. But there's always going to be something stopping us."

I frowned, one of my hands coming around to scratch at his back.

"Eren, you can't think like that." I finally decided. "You've got to be positive. We'll get Mikasa, I promise. Just have a little patience." I plead. He sighed, snuggling closer. It was silent for several seconds.

"...I guess I should just be happy I have you. That's a lot more than I had before." He admitted, his legs coming to tangle with mine. "I'm sorry if I'm making it sound like Mikasa is more important. I love you just as much as her, Armin." He swore. My heart picked up a few paces, but I couldn't fathom why. I loved Eren too, of course I did. I always had. But why this excitement at the words?

"It's alright." I promised, nails still dragging gently across his skin. "I understand."

We fell quiet, and this time neither of us broke the silence. I continued scratching his back gently, my hand going into his hair on occasion, and I waited until his breathing evened and his chest rose and fell regularly before I let myself doze off. He needed me right now, and I was going to be there for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, good news: I'm enrolled in school! Bad news: I'm enrolled in school. It's a good thing, because it'll put me back on a semi-regular schedule, which tends to regulate my update schedule too. But I'll also have less free-time to devote to writing. I've never taken any college classes, so I'm not sure what I can handle just yet. So bear with me while I figure this out. I usually do pretty well balancing writing and school, so don't fret too much.
> 
> I still have a lot to figure out for this story, but I've got a general direction I'm heading in. No idea how it's going to end though... Aheh. I'll figure something out, I always do.
> 
> So, I definitely think it's time for the JeanMarco side story. It's obvious that they're pretty close, so now's as good a time as any. I'm excited to write for my precious babies~! I'd like to do Titan husbands too, but I'm not sure they have enough character development in my universe to warrant a side story... I'll think about that one.
> 
> It's starting to be a little more Ereminy these days, right? It's not just me, I hope... They'll be getting closer in the next few chapters, if you can't tell. Well, hope you're still in for the ride.
> 
> I'll leave it at that. Tata for now, readers!
> 
> KuroRiya  
> 九六りや


	12. Chapter 12

Punishment came in the form of extra work; The kind no one wanted to do. For a few days, Eren would leave early in the morning, then come trudging back in after dark, smelling as if he'd taken a dive in the latrines (Which he probably had, judging from the look on his face.) It was all I could do to convince him to take a quick dip in the river before he fell asleep on the couch. I somehow managed to wake him for dinner, usually, but sometimes he was dead to the world till morning, when he'd get up and start over.

After about a week, Levi let him off the hook. He even got a whole day off, which he spent sleeping away the hours, only getting up to relieve himself and eat the soup I kept feeding him. I wanted to feel bad for him, but he'd definitely earned his punishment. He'd pulled a rather stupid stunt, so I understood what Levi was doing. Even if Eren wanted to be angry about it, he was too tired to be. I did my best to keep him on his feet, but even I was thankful when the torture was over.

After that, he went back to his normal hours, doing whatever it was he did. He'd never really elaborated on it, and I got the feeling I wasn't really meant to be privy to it. I was curious, of course, but I was learning my place in this society still, and didn't fancy the idea of pissing the wrong people off. Where was there for me to go if I was banished? I couldn't go back to the walls. I'd have to wander the wilderness till a Titan found and ate me.

Most of my work ended up being with Hanji, and they suited me just fine. Like me, they were curious. Unlike me, they were very knowledgeable. I learned a lot just by being in the same room. But, at some point, about the time I was walking, without a splint, or a cane, or crutches, or a limp, Levi decided it was time for me to transfer. Namely to his branch. I was nervous about working so close to someone who, frankly, probably hated my guts. That, or he really liked me. I wasn't sure.

When I first walked in to talk to him, he was busy with a document of some sort, and he told me to sit down, offering nothing else as he continued working. I took the time to look around the room, which must have been merely an office, since there was no bed. He had several books on built-in shelves, my eyes grazing their titles as I stared hungrily. I tried not to drool though, lest Levi see.

"You can borrow some, if you'd like." He said, not looking up from his paper. So he'd seen anyway. Well, on the bright side, he said I could borrow them, which meant I had a lot of new reading material. Maybe Levi wasn't so bad after all.

When he'd finished his paper, he tucked it away, then cleared his throat.

"Alright, as I'm sure you've been told by now, I'm transferring you to a different department. I hope you enjoyed your time with Hanji, because it's over now." He said, and I winced, but nodded. He paused for a moment, tapping a finger against his desk as he thought.

"I've been thinking, ever since that first mission you came on; Jaeger listens to you. Compared to him, you're well grounded, and intelligent. The two of you balance out well, and I've decided I want the two of you to work together." He announced. I only blinked for a moment, and his comment about being intelligent kind of seemed funny to me. He didn't wait for me to catch up.

"Frankly, Jaeger and Leonhardt don't get along very well. Unlike the other two teams, they don't trust each other enough. While they understand that they both are strong, they can't find common ground. Jaeger looks up to Leonhardt, but clearly questions her motives, and doesn't appreciate her dry personality. Leonhardt thinks of Jaeger as someone she has to look after, she underestimates him. While her skill is higher, she doesn't consider Jaeger's passion for what he does. I'm concerned that, some day, they'll clash. And, if they did, I don't think they'd both come out of it. And I don't know which would lose, which is something I don't like. Losing either would be bad, but losing Leonhardt could be disastrous. She's the best at keeping Titans away. But she doesn't have as much drive or persistence as Jaeger, so, despite her skill, it's very possible that she could lose." He explained. I thought back on all the interactions that Annie and Eren had had while in my presence, and I could see his point. They had personalities that didn't go together very well. Really, the only person that could have possibly been a worse match would have been Jean. Or maybe Ymir. Eren, quite simply, has a tendency to piss people off, especially realistic people, which Annie seemed to be.

"I... I know what you mean. But what does that mean for me?" I asked. He nodded, as if to tell me that I'd asked the right question.

"I'm going to have Leonhardt working with different people, for the time being. At least until we find a good match for her personality. And I want you to start going with Jaeger. I'm sure you have a faint idea what he does, but it will involve patrolling the area, and dealing with any Titans that are getting too close. Believe me, Jaeger will take care of them. He so much as hears the word Titan and he's already smashing things." Levi pointed out, rolling his cold slate colored eyes. "Your only real purpose is to make sure he doesn't get out of control. He has a tendency to go on rampages, which is why I put him with Leonhardt to start with. But, I'm hoping, you're close enough to him that he'll listen to you. We'll see how it goes, keep him nearby so that he can't cause too much trouble. If it goes well, then I'll send the two of you on normal patrols. This begins tomorrow, I'll inform him when he and Leonhardt return. For now, you should go see Carolina about getting some more clothes for going out. Unless you have any qualms, Jaeger will probably be carrying you, so you'll need pretty durable clothes. Carolina will help you." He said, giving me a look that told me it was time to leave. But before I could get any further than standing up, he spoke again.

"Oh, and I expect to see you in maneuver gear training. Jaeger will tell you when it is." He added. "You're dismissed."

I nodded, exiting the room and heading for another room. I'd met Mina before, so I had a vague idea of where I was going. I walked to the correct area, then narrowed it down to two doors. I tried to deduct which could be hers, but eventually gave up, knocking on the closest one. The girl that poked her head out after a second was not Mina, but at least she didn't seem angry. I'd gotten some pretty bad reactions for knocking on the wrong doors. But she just looked a bit confused.

"O-Oh, I'm sorry. I'm looking for Mina Carolina?" I tried. She smiled, nodding understandingly.

"Oh, next door. Right there." She said, pointing to the door on my left.

"Okay, thank you! I'm sorry to have bothered you." I replied, offering her a small smile. She returned it, the emotion reaching her eyes.

"You're pretty polite. Maybe I'm just used to all of these military jerks, but I like you. What's your name?" She wondered.

"Armin Arlert, mam." I offered quickly. I could tell she was older, and if she was involved with the military, then she was above me, and deserved my respect.

"Oh, don't call me mam!" She exclaimed, her face looking horrified. "Just Petra will do."

I smiled wider, nodding quickly. She struck me as a very friendly person, like Marco. The type that liked to help others, and did their best at anything they did.

"Alright. It's a pleasure to meet you, Petra."

"You too, Armin." She agreed, grinning. "I'll let you get to Mina, but I hope to see you around."

I nodded, sidestepping towards the correct door.

"You too." I called, and she closed the door. So, that was one more new person I could count as a friend. I was liking the people here more and more. Sure, there were angry people. (I'd run into a crabby Auruo, and had quickly learned to avoid the man, even on good days.) But I'd made more friends in the past weeks than I'd made my entire life within the walls. Some were closer than others, but they were all friendly.

I knocked on Mina's door this time, and she came to answer it quickly, looking as if she wasn't really surprised to see me.

"Hello Armin. Levi told you about your transfer then?" She asked. I nodded, following her into the room. Inside were piles of clothing, and a sewing machine, which she had clearly been at work on, if the half-finished shirt had anything to say on the matter.

"Yes. He said I'll need some new clothes." I informed her.

"I'm already working on some. Those over there," She pointed to a small pile on a stool. "Are for you. This shirt is the last thing I'm working on. If you'd like to have a seat, I'll have you out of here in just a bit." She promised. I did as she said, sitting down and taking a moment to look through my new clothes. I smiled to myself as she got back to work.

"I guess you picked up on my favorite color being blue." I offered, and she laughed.

"Yes. I hope you like them?"

"I do, thank you Mina. You're amazing, making all of these in such a short amount of time." I praised, and she shook her head.

"Not really. It's not so hard when you know how, trust me. I've been at it a while. But thank you. If you ever need anything, just let me know. I can patch too. It only takes about five minutes to do that. Trust me, Eren and I are well acquainted. That boy goes through clothes faster than anyone I've ever met." She proclaimed, her smile wry. I chuckled, knowing her pain. I'd been with Eren many of the times he'd torn his clothes. I'd never be sure how he did it, but the boy had a knack for destruction.

"If you teach me, I could try to mend them myself. They won't look nearly as good, but I doubt Eren much cares." I admitted, shaking my head with exasperation. She laughed.

"No, I don't think he does. It must be tough living with him." She guessed. I thought on it, humming.

"I don't know. I don't mind his personality as much as other people do. He and I get along well, and we've known each other since we were little." I explained, and she nodded.

"I understand. I'm glad that you don't mind him. He needs someone like you. The two of you balance each other out. Here, I'm finished." She announced, handing the new shirt to me. I gave it a once over, then flashed her a big grin.

"Thanks, Mina. It's fantastic! I'll have to bring you a present sometime..." I decided, and she waved me off quickly.

"Don't worry about it, it's my job. Now, get going. You start tomorrow, right? You'll need your rest."

I laughed, bidding her goodbye as I headed for the cabin, new stack of clothes in my hands. I took them inside, putting them away in the dresser, scooting Eren's clothes over. Then, taking Mina's advice, I headed for the river, slipping in and taking my time getting clean. It was nice to have a proper bath, even if it was just river water. It was still warm enough not to chill me. Sometimes I'd have Eren help me carry some inside for a properly heated bath, but this would do. It was a hot day anyway, and the coolness was nice to my flushed skin.

When I got out, I made myself some tea, then prepared dinner, sitting down to wait for Eren to return. He didn't keep me waiting long, slamming the door open, his breathing haggard and face flushed. I quirked a brow, about to ask him what was wrong, but he ran up and wrapped me in a hug, one hard enough to wind me.

"Armin! We're working together!" He shouted, and I smiled. But then my nose wrinkled and I tried to push him away.

"Ew, Eren, you smell terrible!" I cried. Running had made him sweaty, and body odor wasn't a scent I was fond of. He only grinned, shoving my nose into his armpit, and I wailed, shoving him harder. "Eren, no, god, you're terrible!"

He only cackled, chasing me around the cabin with his arms up until I was just as sweaty as he was. At that point, I gave up, sighing and sitting down for dinner. We'd have to go take another dip in the river afterward, but it could wait until after we ate. He sat as well, still laughing.

"Honestly. Do you have to be such a boy?" I demanded, getting to work on the food I'd prepared.

"Yup. Sorry that you can't be as manly and strapping as me, but..." He began, and I snorted. "Are you making fun of my manliness?" He inquired, quirking a brow. I shook my head quickly.

"N-No, it's just, you said 'strapping' and... You know, the maneuver gear?" I laughed. He gave me an unimpressed look, and I continued laughing.

"Honestly Armin, your humor is just as terrible as ever." He said, cracking a grin of his own.

"So is yours." I retorted, flinging some food his direction, he rolled his eyes, wiping it off.

"Don't start a food fight with me, you ought to know better by now." He warned. And I did.

We finished dinner, and I convinced him to help me with the dishes, then we went back to the river, stripping down and hopping in.

"You know, this is my second bath today, thanks to a certain someone." I hissed, wading over to a rock and resting against it. He grinned, kicking some water into my face.

"It's not my fault you clean compulsively. You should have waited for me." He pointed out, and I sighed.

"You seem to think my life revolves around you." I quipped. He approached, dropping down and bringing his face closer to mine. At that distance, I could count about a dozen different colors in the irises of his eyes.

"Doesn't it?" He asked coyly, not letting me look away. I swallowed thickly, then quickly kicked him away.

"Most certainly not." I spat, and he only laughed as he emerged from the water, grabbing me and dragging me under with him. I sputtered when I came up, then lunged for him as well.

"Alright, Jaeger, you've declared war, and it is on." I growled, knocking him over and holding him under till his flailing became actually frantic.

"Jeez Armin!" He groaned after coughing a few times. I only smirked, returning to my rock. "No need to drown me." He grumbled, joining me.

"It seems violence is the only way to get through that thick skull of yours." I said, shrugging. He shuddered, nudging me.

"Ugh, don't say that. You sound just like Levi." He muttered, and I chortled, nudging him back.

"Sorry." I offered. It fell silent after that, both of us simply enjoying the water and each other's presence, our arms pressed together, heads turned towards the sky. It was comfortable, but still, I wanted to talk.

"Do you think we could go see the ocean?" I wondered. His head leaned until it met mine, and I pushed back a little, evening it out so his neck wouldn't be at such an odd angle. We kept our heads tilted together as he responded.

"I'd like to." He agreed. "But can we wait for Mikasa?" He asked. I winced internally. I hadn't though about her. In my defense, the ocean had been a dream I shared with Eren. But Mikasa was his sister, so of course he'd want to share the experience of seeing the vast water for the first time with her.

"Of course." I replied quickly, sighing. "That's fine. I was just speaking my thoughts, sorry." I replied, silence reigning again. Neither of us broke it for what felt like a long time.

"Armin?" I made a noise to show I was listening. "Do you... Do you not like Mikasa?" He wondered, and my eyes widened.

"No, no, that's not it Eren! I just... I don't know." I announced, ever the eloquent speaker. He gave me a look.

"Well, I don't either. You'll have to explain it to me." He said. I winced, nodding, taking a moment to think about my words before I said them.

"I just feel... I feel like you're doting on her. And I hate myself for being hurt by it, really I do. I know that she's your sister, and it makes sense that you're worried about her, and want to see her. But... I'm... I guess that I'm... Jealous?" I tried. That felt about right. But he seemed confused.

"You're jealous of Mikasa?" He questioned, and I flushed. It sounded terrible coming out of him. But it was true.

"Yes." I admitted. He frowned, removing himself from the rock and coming to be in front of me, looking me in the eyes.

"What is there to be jealous about?" He wondered.

"I... The way you always talk about her. And you always say you love her, and I..." I began, but he cut me off.

"Armin, I love you too." He said. "I've told you that before. Just as much as Mikasa."

"I know. And I'm glad for that, really I am. But... It's not the same for me. I don't want to be your brother." I admitted. It felt weird to say. What did I want to be, then? I wanted to be his friend, and the closest familial comparison to that would be brothers. But that didn't feel right. Yet, I had no idea. What did I want to be then? If even I didn't know, then how could I expect him to? That wasn't fair. And I shouldn't have started talking to him about it before I figured it out for myself. Now he was confused, and I was confused, and that was never a good thing for the two of us to be.

"Armin..." He started, and I looked up. "I don't think of you as a brother." He offered.

It took my mind too long to process the words. And even then, what did they mean? Did he see me as some other familiar figure? Perhaps a motherly figure? Or was it a purely friendly love? It was entirely possible that he couldn't compare me to any family member.

And how did I see Eren. I didn't think of him as my brother either, nor did my love for him seem entirely platonic. Was Marco right? He'd claimed I had a crush on Eren. I'd denied it, of course, but was it truly far fetched? I found him plenty attractive, and I liked his personality. Looking up at him, I could even see myself kissing him.

Of course, I promptly pushed him away, my face going red at the thought.

"A-Alright Eren, very funny. Let's go to bed." I suggested, getting out and wrapping up in one of the dingy towels we'd brought. He followed, but didn't laugh. Nor did he bring it up again, not even when we were tucked in bed. But I lay awake hours after him, thinking about what he'd said. Thinking about my feelings. If I could see myself kissing him, then that meant I liked him, didn't it? But with that admission came a whole new bout of thoughts to sift through.

How long had I loved him that way, and why hadn't I noticed it previously? What did it mean for me? What did it mean for Eren? Where could I go with those feelings? How did I learn Eren's? Was it possible that he could love me more than platonically? Did he? And what if he didn't? Where would we go from there?

I fell asleep confused and nervous, and suddenly very aware that I was sharing a bed with Eren, my back pressed against his as we slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally getting romanticish, huh? Twelve chapters in. I wonder how long this is going to be...
> 
> Well, hei there! It's been a little while, so I hope you were all ready for this one! It's shorter than I'd like, but you know how things go. It felt wrong to add more. So I let this one end here.
> 
> Armin got a promotion(?) We'll see how that goes. I'm sure he'll figure it out soon enough.
> 
> I don't really have much to say, so thank you for reading, and I hope to see you all again soon! Please review/comment if you have the time!
> 
> KuroRiya  
> 九六りや


	13. Chapter 13

Maneuvering Gear is a lot harder to use than everyone makes it out to be. I figured it would get easier with time, but by the tenth time I'd flown straight into a wall and nearly broken the majority of my bones, I was just about fed up. I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong, and I was tired of shuffling home sore and bruised. But Eren was doing his best to encourage me, and Levi was doing his best to teach me.

I was, obviously, not his best student. But he said that I was good about getting back up when I fell. Good motivation, he said. Compared to Eren, it was nothing. But I let him compliment me, if only because I was too exhausted to protest.

As he'd said, I started working with Eren. We'd head out whenever it was our turn, and we'd walk a little ways beyond the community, then Eren would transform. It was a sight to see, definitely. The first few times, I couldn't watch as he bit into the flesh of his hand, blood seeping out before his Titan form appeared in a cloud of steam.

Then he'd pick me up, and let me climb onto his shoulder, or into his hair, and we'd just walk around, looking around the area for any Titans that dared come too close. It was rare, but he still took care of it when it happened. He'd put me down first, of course, then he'd go after it. He always handled it before it could get anywhere near me, but it was still frightening to see them, even from a distance.

We were doing well, and Levi started letting us go further out. That was great, of course. Promotions are always nice. But... Well, the further from camp, the more Titans there were. And, as soon as they saw Eren, there was no keeping them away. They had to be dealt with.

I got better at the Maneuvering Gear pretty quickly after that. When there were too many at once, I'd have to get away without Eren's help. The first few times were terrifying and close. But as I got used to seeing them, I became a little less scared. Don't get me wrong, they were still creatures to fear. But I taught myself not to let my fear freeze me, for that was the worst thing I could do.

No, I learned to move quickly and efficiently. Even if I wasn't killing any Titans, I could hold my own until Eren helped. And he was always quick to help.

One day though, I was forced to handle one on my own. It seemed like a normal one, small, only about four meters. But, as Eren was dealing with the group it came with, it saw me, and decided I looked tastier. And it was fast. Too fast. I quickly anchored into a tree, but it was smart, as far as Titans go, and began shaking it. I knew it would knock it down if I stayed there, and there were no other trees nearby. That was the worst possible position I could put myself in.

Eren was struggling with the group, not even able to spare me a glance. I don't have much I can be proud of, but I can say with confidence that I am a pretty smart guy. I knew better than to cross my fingers and hope Eren got to me in time. I'm not so lucky. And I knew that I'd have better chances of success if I was in the tree than if it had been knocked to the ground. So, taking a gulp of air, I anchored, leaping off and rounding on it quickly, taking a slice with blades I'd never used on anything but dummies before.

We both fell, and I just barely managed to catch myself before I landed on my face. I took a shaky breath before looking up to see if it was still alive, which was pretty likely.

But no, it was down, it wasn't moving, it was already disintegrating. I breathed a sigh of relief, sitting down in hopes of resting for a moment, my heartbeat too fast to be healthy.

Eren finally pulled away a few minutes later, leaving corpses in his wake, and he jogged over to me. I could almost feel his surprise when he saw what little remained of the Titan I'd killed. Then he was picking me up and inspecting me for injuries. I kicked his nose, which he probably didn't even feel, laughing as he huffed, the air making my body swing a bit as he dangled me by my collar.

Later, when we returned, he excitedly told Levi of my first kill, and I was rewarded with a special dinner that night. Everyone congratulated me, and offered me bits of their dinners, which I politely refused. It was rare that Eren and I ate in the castle, as I preferred to cook myself. But everyone seemed glad for our company.

Marco, though he too usually cooked, dragged Jean along to celebrate, gifting me with some of the tea leaves that I always complimented him on. Jean grumbled at the beginning, but he was significantly more jovial after I caught he and Marco kissing in the hallway. They, thankfully, didn't see me, but my red face probably gave me away.

Reiner and Bertholdt came too, pulling along Annie. Bertholdt smiled and congratulated me, Reiner crushed me in a hug, and Annie softened her glare just a little bit. That was plenty for me.

Everyone ate, and cheered, and a few started singing, and everyone was laughing and congratulating me. And I tried to be happy. I tried to be proud. But all I could think of was that I was being praised for killing something by chance. Of course, I had thought it through, and done it the way I'd been taught. But I very easily could have missed. Something Mikasa had mentioned once kept ringing in my ears. The world was beautiful, yes, but cruel. Tragedy and sacrifice were all around us, were the columns that held our entire society together.

It was nature's law. The weak become prey. And I knew I was weak. I wouldn't have been sacrificed if that weren't the case. So what right did I have to celebrate as if I were strong? Everyone around me was stronger than I was. How could they praise me as if I was on their level?

Maybe it was because we were all the same. Maybe no one is actually strong. Eren had weaknesses. Marco had weaknesses. Reiner had weaknesses. Levi probably had weaknesses. Well... Maybe.

I tried to share their enthusiasm. I tried to laugh, and to be merry. But I was scared. What if I'd missed? This wouldn't be a party. It would be a funeral. And that was a terrifying idea. The Titans were so much closer than we seemed to think. What if they ignored the barrier of sorts that we had set up? There would be so many, and we had no true protection. Even with the Titan shifters, there was only so much we would be able to do.

My encounter made it all so much more real to me. I was small, I was weak, and I got very lucky. I wasn't like Eren, who could attack whole groups. I wasn't like Levi, who could kill with confidence. I was tiny, frail, scared Armin, who barely knew how to use his Maneuver Gear. My only good quality was my brain, and what good was that going to do if I couldn't use it to escape the mouth of a Titan?

Eren nudged me, probably sensing that I was delving too far into my internal struggle, rubbing my back with one hand soothingly, pressing a drink into my hand and another serving onto my plate. I ate it slowly, my stomach already pretty full. But it seemed to please him, so I finished it off, deciding I would be taking my Maneuver Gear training even more seriously. I needed to learn to defend myself.

I eventually managed to slip out of the castle when most everyone had had too much to drink, and couldn't tell the difference between me and a mop. Eren caught my fingers as I was sneaking away, and I pulled him along, retreating to the path that would lead to our cabin.

Eren hadn't had as much as everyone else. He and I were some of the youngest ones there. Even though eighteen was plenty old enough to drink, the older people seemed to think it necessary to put restrictions on someone. Since I didn't much care for alcohol, I wasn't one to argue, especially if it made them feel better. Eren had grumbled a bit, but I was glad that he wasn't stumbling around like Marco. While Marco was quite funny when he was drunk, watching him sloppily make out with Jean when he somehow thought that the entire room couldn't see him pressing the smaller man against a table in the center... Well, that was enough for me.

We walked quietly until we were far enough away that we could be sure no one would be running after us trying to pull us back.

"Everyone's glad you gave them an excuse to party. It's been a while." He mused, lacing our fingers. I turned to him, tracing his profile in the moonlight.

"Glad I could help then, I guess." I offered, shrugging. Eren didn't reply for a while.

"Armin..." He began, pausing for a moment. "I... Just be careful, okay?" He said lowly. I turned to him quickly, my surprise evident.

"What?" I asked, and he turned to me, features sharp and pale with the light of the moon illuminating them. He bit his lip.

"I was... Really scared today. I couldn't get to you, and I didn't know what might have happened. If you'd missed... I..." He trailed off, and stopped walking. I halted as well. I looked at him, and let him pull me into a hug that left me breathless. "Just be careful." He finished, giving me another squeeze before heading back on the path to the cabin. I followed silently, arms still aching a bit from where Eren had squeezed them.

We went inside when we arrived, but neither of us seemed ready for bed just yet, so we settled down on the couch. After a few minutes, Eren went to fetch a candle, and picked a book, asking me to read to him. I chuckled, opening it. Of course he'd picked a book of fairytales, and he demanded to see the pictures if they came around.

I flipped through a few that I'd already read, and began the first one I was unfamiliar with.

"Once upon a time, there was a small village. In this village lived a boy and his sister. They'd always been very close to each other, always playing together and finding mischief. They protected one another, and made sure they were never separated.  
But one day the brother made a new friend. He really liked his new friend, and he stopped paying so much attention to his sister, spending it instead on his friend. His sister quickly became jealous, but she didn't mention it to her brother. She loved him very much, and didn't want to cause any problems. But she missed playing with her brother.  
They grew older, and the brother grew closer and closer to his new friend, eventually ignoring his sister all together. Before she had the chance to confront him about it, a civil war broke out in their kingdom. The siblings found themselves on opposite sides, not by choice, both trained to fight.  
When they met on the battlefield, the brother recognized his sister, and called out to her, having missed her in their separation. But, instead of a joyful reunion, the sister pointed her blade at the brother. He was confused, still loving his sister deeply. But she seemed to hold nothing but hatred for him. All he could do was tremble in fear as his sister threatened him.  
Finally, he asked what he'd done to incur such wrath. She looked upon him with disdain, features set in a hard grimace. And she said to him "You, who ignored me, forgot me in favor of a new friendship, dare ask me how you've earned my cruelty?"  
He thought back to all of the times he had neglected his sister, frowning.  
"Am I not to have any friends, then?" He demanded, and, jealousy still clouding her mind, she spat her reply.  
"What use have you for them? What has he given you that I haven't?"  
The brother could not respond. He'd never thought to compare his sister to his friend. To him, they were too different. Yet still his sister brandished her weapon threateningly. He offered an apology, though it was no secret that it was not heartfelt. For how could he be sorry for a friendship he cherished?  
The sister was enraged, and sheathed her blade, leaving the brother where he'd fallen against the ground, and he didn't see her for days. He fought for his side properly, only hoping he wouldn't encounter his sister again. But his hopes were not to be.  
On the final day of the battle, he could not find his friend. Search as he might, the boy was nowhere to be found. Worried, but pressed for time, the brother joined the ranks, marching for an attack. The other side met them, and battle ensued.  
Exhausted and bloody, the brother collapsed between fallen soldiers, trying to rest so he'd be well enough to return. But, while he sat, his sister approached again. He could only sigh, knowing he hadn't the heart to hurt her. Her sword already was drawn, and bloody.  
She drew near, and he gazed up at her. Then he felt weight falling into his lap, and looked down to see. His friend lay dead, stabbed through the heart. The brother looked at the sister, at her bloody blade. And then he couldn't think anymore. Before he even realised, he'd drawn his own sword, and had challenged her.  
They fought for days, the other soldiers unable to stop them until, at last, they exchanged fatal blows, both falling, dead. The war died with them, and the people rejoined in an uncomfortable peace, burying the siblings with the friend between them. Neither side could be sure who was right, for both seemed wrong, so neither was celebrated as a hero, nor a villain. No one left flowers on their graves."

The story left us both with a bitterness, and we glanced at each other timidly as I sat the book down. That tale didn't bode well in my mind. It was too close to home.

It seemed like it was ridiculous, as all tales were. But the feelings were true. Even I had felt a bit of jealousy for the love Eren had for Mikasa. If I felt that, then surely she felt it for me.

I had to remind myself that we weren't characters in a book, and that we wrote our own tales instead. Shaking my head, I began reciting a different tale, from memory.

"Once upon a time, there was a brother. He was very precious to his sister, and she was precious to him. They had always been very close, playing together. One day, the brother saved a boy from some village bullies, and they became fast friends.  
The brother introduced his new friend to his sister, and, though she was wary of the new boy, she accepted him easily enough. They all began spending their time together, becoming inseparable as they grew.

Then, one day, the brother had to go away. The sister and the friend cried, and found comfort in one another. They still spent all of their time together, even if it wasn't as happy without the brother. They helped each other deal with the loss. But the friend had to go away too. He had to leave the sister all alone, even though he didn't want to.  
He went to the same place the brother did, and he was overjoyed to be reunited. But still, he was sad. The brother was sad too. They both missed the sister. She couldn't go away for many years to come, and the brother and his friend could do nothing but wait until she could.  
The brother and his friend became closer while away from the sister. Much closer. Maybe closer than the brother had ever been with the sister, and definitely more than the friend had been with the sister.  
When it was finally the sister's turn, she found her brother and friend very close. And she was jealous, because that's normal for a human. But she loved the brother so much, and she loved the friend so much, that she learned to deal with her jealousy.  
And they all got closer all over again. And it was just as it was when they were children. And they lived happily ever after." I finished.

Eren was quiet for a while, then he pinched my cheeks, making me yelp.

"Don't just turn our lives into a fairytale!" He groaned, and I giggled.

"Why not? I think it's better than the one from the book." I pointed out, swatting at his hands. Eren huffed.

"Maybe it is, but come on, we're real! We aren't characters!" He groused. I only rolled my eyes. "But hey, what was that about us getting really close?" He asked coyly. I sat up straighter, taking a sharp breath.

"N-Nothing. I mean, we are closer..." I offered, trying to hide my face with my hands. He was having none of that, grabbing my wrists and pulling them down, staring openly at my flushed face.

"Uh-huh, sure." He quipped. Then he was silent for several seconds, just looking at me. "Armin," He began quietly. "You... You have to tell me what you're thinking and feeling. I don't read people as well as you do, so I don't know what goes through your mind."

I swallowed, turning to look at him cautiously. He didn't have any expectation on his face, just attentiveness. I frowned, face getting redder.

"I... I tried to tell you how I feel, but you just laughed." He recalled. My heart rate picked up, and my clothes began to feel stifling. Had he been serious?

"Well you... You weren't exactly specific, and..." I mumbled. He stared, as if he was trying to read me, even though he claimed he couldn't. I was stalling. I knew it. He knew it.

"Then let me say it specifically." He suggested, dropping one of my wrists to turn my face toward him. "When I say I love you, I don't mean it platonically. I don't think of you as a brother. I love you the way Marco loves Jean. The way Reiner loves Bertl." He said. He let me think it over, let me process it. But still, it wasn't enough time to truly wrap my mind around it. "How do you feel about me?" Eren asked, very softly, as if scared of startling me.

How was I to respond? Not even I was entirely sure how I felt about Eren. It wouldn't be fair of me to reply to that if I had no confidence in my answer. What if I said the wrong thing, and ended up hurting him? What was I supposed to tell him? How was I supposed to figure out how I felt?

"I-I don't... I don't know?" I finally offered, heart beating so fast it hurt. He still stared. No disappointment, no relief. He just waited, letting me sort it out. I sighed, trying to do just that, but failing. Finally, with a bit of a huff, he yanked me over till I was nearly in his lap. I made a noise of surprise, but it was ignored.

"I'm going to kiss you." He announced, and my eyes widened. What? Why? I hadn't said that I returned his feelings! "And you can decide if you love me that way after." He added. I could only blink. So frozen was I that I couldn't move my hands up to stop his advance, couldn't pull back as his lips neared mine, finally pressing them together.

I couldn't think much after that. The only thought that crossed my mind was that Eren was kissing me. My best friend. My entire childhood. He was kissing me.

He pulled away quickly, looking at my face as if gauging my reaction, though he probably wasn't getting much, because not even I knew how I felt about it. I could only stare back into green eyes, the color of grass and trees and life, and breathe heavily. My heart was racing, but I couldn't decide if it was from excitement or fear. Both, maybe.

He kissed me again after waiting a few seconds. And then again, and again, and I couldn't stop him. I could only let him do it, let him lean me back against the arm of the couch and press his lips to mine. And, I suppose, that was answer enough to his question. Because I wouldn't let him do it if I didn't feel the same. I'd have pushed him away if the attention was unwanted.

And so I let him kiss me, and eventually tried to kiss back, until we were both gasping and holding each other, and pressing our racing hearts together, feeling the dissonance of the panicked beating as we tried to breathe, tried to get a grip on what we'd just done.

We'd just confessed to each other, I realised. And, even as he led me over to the bed and drew me close, squeezing me to him as he fell asleep, I had to wonder what that would mean for us. Something was going to change, and I could only hope it would be for the better as I too dozed off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the wait on this chapter, lovely readers! School got a bit... What's the word... Evil. Yep. That's the word. I had two tests, two essays, and two projects all due the same week, and then a speech the next. I, thankfully, did very well, but it was a stressful time for me, to say the least.
> 
> I've got kind of a break now though, thankfully. I mean, I still have homework and stuff, but I can handle that. It was the tests that threw it off. They were on the same day! Terrible, right? But it's done, and I'm back to working.
> 
> I've actually done a lot of writing while I was away though, just not necessarily for this story. A few of you might know, but I have a Hetalia story that I write, which is reaching its climax. And, they aren't published yet, but I'm working on two JeanMarco stories. (One is Punk!Jean. I'm excited!) And I'm a little obsessed with the JeanMarco stories. But I know better than to try and have so many stories going at once. I'm really tempted to start positing them though. I must control myself.  
> In other news, I've started a new cosplay project! I decided to do Anna from Frozen. (Yes, I jumped on that fandom, and yes, I am ashamed, but jesus freckled christ I love Anna.) I actually wanted to do Elsa initially, since I have a very similar personality, but I don't think I can pull of her dress. She works it too well. I couldn't compete... I'm considering doing her coronation gown after I finish Anna though. We'll see. I'll be at Planet Comicon, but I don't think I'll have Anna done in time, unfortunately! But you should still say hi if you're there and you see me!  
> I think that's about it for this little slice of the author's life. Thanks, as always, for reading! And if you have time, comments and reviews are definitely appreciated!
> 
> KuroRiya
> 
> 九六りや


	14. Chapter 14

Eren woke me up in the morning with a kiss, and it tasted absolutely terrible and resulted in a bump on Eren's head when I tossed him off and he hit the floor. I ended up having to kiss him more to make up for it, but not before he'd given his mouth a thorough cleaning. Honestly.

It was an awkward affair, to say the least. Though we'd established supposedly mutual feelings for one another the night before, neither of us was entirely sure how to proceed. It was clear that we each had separate boundaries, and it was going to take us a while to lay them out to each other.

So we kept it to the small stuff. He'd wrap an arm around my waist and press a kiss to my lips or cheek or forehead whenever he thought he could risk it, and I'd let him, giggling to myself when I thought he wasn't looking. And that's about as far as we took it, for nearly a week.

Nothing really changed until I worked up the confidence to start stealing kisses of my own. I was a miserable failure the first time I tried it, totally missing my mark. I ended up kissing the side of his nose instead of his cheek. He just laughed it off and gave me a proper one. Knowing that he wouldn't get mad at me or anything gave me the confidence to try it more often, and my aim got better with time.

That went for maneuver gear too. After that first success, I started to get more comfortable using the equipment. The new ease that it came with went against my better judgment, and I reminded myself not to get around to thinking I was fantastic or anything. But I'd pretty much caught up to most of the others. Marco and I were training buddies, much to Jean's chagrin.

He was partnered with either Eren or Annie, depending on the day, since his skills were higher. I was at the end of more than a couple glares from him, especially when we were working on hand to hand combat skills.

But I was more worried about Marco. I could tell that he'd be an incredible asset, if only he hadn't lost his limbs. He was better than me even without them, and the only reason he wasn't considered as strong as Eren or Jean was because of the liability that came with his replaced limbs. While it was rare, a gear would break on occasion, or he might run out of gas, rendering one of his metal limbs entirely useless. It could be very dangerous, especially if he was maneuvering, which explained why he wasn't the first choice for 'missions.'

It was easy to see that this bothered him, though he did his best to mask his humiliation. I couldn't even begin to fathom how hard it must be to have to accept that you'd reached your potential. Truly, there was not much else Marco could do to improve. It all depended on technology, which he couldn't control. It was out of his hands. It felt so unfair to me, yet I knew he didn't want my sympathy, so I kept it to myself, trying to get better so that he wouldn't feel as terrible about being paired with the weakest of the 'soldiers.'

Levi started inviting me to strategic meetings. I recognized most of the participants, like Hanji, but had to be introduced to Erwin Smith. That was nerve-wracking the first few times, but I quickly earned his respect, and he'd often ask for my opinion on things. I was always glad when my suggestions were put to use. It was, truly, an honor to be considered equally competent as the amazing minds I was surrounded by.

Eren did start to get jealous though, waiting for me outside the meeting room and smothering me with kisses as soon as I stepped out. He even did it in front of Levi once, and I wondered what he was trying to prove. It wasn't like I was hanging out with them for kisses. He didn't try to pull that one again, though, after Levi kicked his feet out from under him and nearly broke his nose for PDA.

Marco took it much better, making fun of me for doubting him, then making us dinner one night to celebrate. Jean grumbled a bit, but he'd get quiet for several minutes any time Marco kissed him, so Marco ended up kissing him a lot, and Eren tried to match their pace, apparently determined to not be out-romanced.

When we went home, he pulled me over to the couch, snuggling up against my stomach and pulling the biggest blanket over us, wrapping us up in a sort of cocoon. He asked me to read again, and I was careful to pick a happier story this time, reading to him until he fell asleep. I sat the book down and blew out the candle, trying to get comfortable without waking him.

My attempt failed, of course, and he stirred. We ended up playing the shifting game for about ten minutes, neither of us able to decide on a comfortable position. He admitted defeat, flopping down on my legs, face in my stomach. It tickled, and I giggled, letting him know about it.

He, of course, exploited this weakness, nuzzling into my tummy with abandon, sending me into a fit of laughter, unable to even push him away.

"E-Eren! Oh my gosh, s-stop!" I gasped out, trying not to fall off the couch. He ignored me though, adding his fingers to the mix, and it was over for me. I accepted my fate, rolling onto the floor and taking him with me. He yelped as we hit the floor, and I took advantage of his surprise, sending us into a roll across the floor.

That eventually melted into something of an impromptu wrestling match that he'd occasionally let me get the upper hand in. But, lucky for me, he was apparently pretty tired, for I eventually managed to pin him down, grinning as he stopped protesting. I'd never once bested Eren in something physical, and, even though he'd obviously gone easy on me, it was nice to see that I was finally catching up.

Sadly, he didn't let me bask in my win, throwing me off balance and flipping our position, grinning back just as cheekily. I sighed dramatically.

"You couldn't let me have just one win?" I whined. He laughed, kissing the tip of my nose. I expected him to let go, but he didn't, just staring down at me, eyes not leaving mine. The mirth fell from his expression, settling for a somewhat blank gaze for a while. Then his eyes slid shut, and his lips slotted with mine, hands letting go of my wrists to tangle in my hair instead.

It truly took my breath away, these moments. I was never prepared for them, and was never sure what to do with myself when they happened. It felt like everything just stopped for a single beat of my heart, and that moment belonged solely to Eren and I. That one beat of my heart was ever his, and no one could hope to take it from him.

And then it would be over. Just like that moment, when he pulled away. And our eyes opened, and we stared, but time moved again, even as he leaned down and kissed me again, and again. Even when his legs wrapped around mine, even as his pressed his chest to mine, even as his breath ghosted across my cheeks and sent my hair fluttering to the floor. None of it compared to that first moment when he'd abandon everything that wasn't me. His breath, his thoughts, his life even. It was all mine, and I was his, in that moment.

His sudden passion fizzled out, and he collapsed against me again, head fitting into the crook of my shoulder, nose against my neck. He inhaled, and then laughed as some of my hair tickled his nose.

"You smell a little sweaty." He pointed out. I elbowed him in the ribs, but he only shrugged. "I figured you'd want to know. It's not a bad thing. But you seem to like baths a lot…" He mused, mussing my hair. I rolled my eyes, shoving him off.

"Hint hint?" I quipped, and he grinned, following me out to the river. I made sure to grab some towels on the way, and sat them on a dry rock near the bank, slipping out of my clothes and into the cool water. I wondered what we would do when it started to get colder out. We would probably have to melt snow over the fire and fill up a basin to clean up. But, at least for now, I could spend as much time in the river as I wanted.

Eren made more of a splash, wading in faster than I had. As if that wasn't bad enough, he fell over as he tried to walk my way, splashing all over me. I groaned, wiping the water from my face as he surfaced. He was still grinning, and grabbed my hand, tugging me behind him as he headed for the middle, eventually taking us deep enough that we had to swim.

"Eren, it's a bit late for swimming, isn't it?" I quipped. He turned and gave me a smirk, yanking me over until he could wrap his arms around me. We sank into the water, and before I could start struggling, he kissed me, the water between our lips feeling cool and invasive. I decided I rather liked the feeling, and gave him a kiss too, my hair fanning out in the water until we surfaced for air, both of us smiling as our bangs stuck stubbornly to our faces.

He tugged us under again, this time convincing me to swim behind him, and we swam up and down the little stretch of river a few times, colliding to kiss more often than we probably should have, considering how short of breath we were. But we didn't care.

As it started to get later, the moon finding the highest point in the sky, he led me back to the shallower part, finding a few protruding rocks that we could lean against. He sat next to me, just holding my hand and stealing kisses every few minutes. I caught him in the middle of one, and he yelped in surprise, falling over into the water without much grace. Of course, with our fingers laced, I ended up falling after him, landing unceremoniously against his side. He grunted with my weight, working to right us without drowning.

We finally got upright, and had to laugh at how ridiculous were to have not let go of each other's hand, even to get back up. Honestly. He shook his head, letting go of my hand in favor of wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me close to his chest to cuddle. I went without a fight, rather liking the contrast of Eren's too-hot skin and the coolness of the river water.

At some point, his arm fell to rest against my waist instead, and his fingers traced patterns in my hip until I was nearly asleep. What with the gentle lapping of the water and the sensation of Eren's fingers and heartbeat, I was more relaxed than I'd been in a long while.

He went ahead and ruined it though, tugging me into his lap and using his knees to keep me angled just right to attack my lips. I rolled my eyes drowsily at this aggression. I'd learned to expect things like this from him rather quickly. Eren was nothing if not spontaneous.

I was surprised, however, when I felt his tongue against my lips. That had never happened before, nor had I been given any warning. But it wasn't urgent, and he didn't force it. He just let me know that he was ready to take that next step, and wanted to know if I was too.

And he let me think about it, just kissing me the regular way till I made my decision and opened my mouth a bit, meeting a kiss of his. He got the hint and poked his tongue out again, brushing it against my own.

It felt weird. Unlike anything else I'd experienced before. I wasn't sure if it was in a good way either. And I didn't even know if he was good at it, since I'd never done it with anyone before. Had he? Well, considering he seemed about as lost as me, it wouldn't seem so.

Still, there was determination behind it. Well, anything Eren did was done with determination. But I could tell he was doing his best to figure it out, so that it would be nice for the both of us. And, after the first few seconds of uncertainty, I decided it wasn't entirely terrible.

I felt close to Eren, closer than before. This was new, uncharted territory for me, maybe for both of us. It was something I could safely say I'd only ever done with him. And that was special, weighing on my mind as I tried to mimic all the things he was doing, eventually finding a pattern of things we both liked more than others.

When we pulled apart, we could only stare at each other for a long time, having one of those strange conversations that involved no words, then I let my head lean forward till my forehead rested against his, a bit of water dripping from our bangs and speckling our noses and cheekbones, the coolness acute against our flushed skin.

I hummed, and he pulled me closer, till our chests were flush against each other, rising and falling in comforting dissonance. He kissed my cheek, and then sighed.

"I love you." He breathed. And my heart ached, for I couldn't immediately return the sentiment. I knew that I loved him, truly I did. But I still felt a lurking uncertainty that it was in the same way. I liked the things we did, but the idea of romantic love seemed so farfetched to me. I'd never actually imagined myself with someone, nor had I ever imagined that it would be Eren. Yet, I felt the love, and I liked to hear him say it. Why couldn't I say it back? What was I afraid of?

But then, truth be told, there was a lot to be afraid of. No one was safe, not ever. No matter where you were, in the walls, protected by the Military Police… It didn't matter. No one was truly safe in this world. And Eren led a very dangerous life, all things considered. He was the first line of defense as far as the Titans were concerned. If I was being frank, he could die at any moment. There had been plenty of times, even just since I'd been working with him, that he'd come close to death.

And he wasn't the only one. I was just as vulnerable, if not more so. Small and fragile, Eren himself could crush me in the palm of his hand without even knowing it. I could be eaten while trying to help him, or killed by a human that held a grudge. I'd already died once, what was to stop such a thing from happening again?

In a world such as ours, where individuals weren't important, what right did I have to feel this way for this precious boy? What good did my affections do for the whole of the race? Because that's what it was about; Survival of the race. Your life was meaningless if you didn't manage to contribute something important to the human population. What could my love accomplish?

And what if I lost him? Wouldn't it only hurt more? Or if I was the one lost? Eren would have to live knowing I died loving him. Is that what he desired, or would it be an unwanted burden weighing on his conscience? Even alive, what role would I play? Would I be someone to stay alive for, or a reason to push himself too far for? Would it end badly?

He frowned, jostling me out of my thoughts with a gentle shake.

"Armin, you're overthinking things again." He sighed, kissing me. It felt wonderful, like a breath of fresh air. Had kissing him always felt so nice?

"Just stop thinking." He commanded, holding my face in place, forcing me to look him in the eye. "Don't think about consequences, or what you think I want you to say. Don't think about what I'm thinking, or what I want. Because I'll tell you; all I want is for you to tell me you love me, if you do." He promised, kissing me again. "And it's alright if you can't say it right now. I can wait." He added.

I blinked, staring into his eyes, the color of life, and I kissed him back.

"I-" I began, voice trembling with the words on my lips. He waited patiently for me to work through it, but wouldn't let go of my gaze, eyes holding mine captive and not allowing me to think properly.

"I… I love…" I tried, still stuttering. But no, I meant it. It was the truth. What sense was there in keeping it from him? He deserved to know, to hear it.

"I love you." I finally managed, and he smiled, kissing me gently, hands grabbing my thighs and tucking my shins behind his back so he could hold me tighter, squeezing me till I feared a rib would crack from the force. But even then, his lips wouldn't part from mine.

Though his skin was beige compared to my milky white, I was having trouble distinguishing where his flesh ended and mine began, but it didn't really bother me. I was too wrapped up in how much he loved me, and I him. It was such a peculiar way to feel about a person.

My heart hurt with every thought of him. Every kiss was bitter, and every touch set my skin on fire. It was painful, and I lived in fear of losing him every day. Even as he was wrapped up in my arms and breathing against my collar, I still feared that his chest would stop its pattern of rising and falling at any given moment. What would I be left with were that to happen, which it inevitably would?

But then it was beautiful, and filled my heart with wonder, with elation. I'd feel a rush of happiness every time I saw him, and relief with every breath he took. Each kiss felt like a divine reward, but what I'd done to earn it, I didn't know. The warmth that surrounded me was from heaven as much as it was from his body, and I wouldn't trade his embrace for even an eternity in paradise.

It was peculiar, something I couldn't wrap my mind around. Nothing makes me as uncomfortable as not understanding something. It would torture me, plague my thoughts until I had it figured out. Even then, I'd lament about the period of time it took me to understand.

Yet that need to learn was also what made me who I was. Without ignorance, I would have no motivation to learn. And this was something I was very motivated to understand. This captivating, terrifying thing that Eren had pulled me into. This thing that I had willingly followed him to. This thing that now reigned over my life. This love.

Such a curious thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And today KuroRiya brings you shameless fluff. There's more plot to be had, but I always like to stop and take a moment to focus on a new relationship when it happens. Hence, you know, a whole chapter of figuring things out.
> 
> Armin's ability to rationalize things and think them over is what makes him important, but sometimes you just have to go with it. So I hope you guys don't think that Eren is trying to dumb him down. He loves that Armin is so smart. But the kid does tend to overthink things sometimes, and Eren was just reminding him that not everything has to be picked apart.
> 
> This story has such a strange timeline. Time passes in random intervals, but I hope you guys kind of have a sense for how it's flowing. Armin's been out there for a while now.
> 
> This is most likely it for a while, I'm afraid. I'm going to Planet Comicon this coming weekend, and then next month I have Anime St. Louis, which is not a lot of time to sit and write. I'll have to work a lot to have the money for a second convention so soon. I'm sure there will be a chapter or two between them, but I just wanted to warn you that I'll be a bit slow, what with cosplay, work, and school. I've just started embroidering my Anna skirt, and I'm hoping to have the whole costume done in time for ASTL. Wish me luck~!
> 
> Speaking of, I have to get back to work! Much to do, much to work on. Till next time!
> 
> KuroRiya
> 
> 九六りや


	15. Chapter 15

We'd been in the middle of training when we got word.

The military had caught wind that some of its personnel seemed to be disappearing for long periods of time without explanation or witnesses to whatever alibi they tried to provide when questioned about it. And, apparently, it had become enough of a concern that someone had been tailed.

It took a long time for that to really sink in for any of us. They knew. They knew we were out here.

I think chaos is pretty much the only word that could adequately describe what followed that announcement. Most of the people panicked, and all of the organized 'soldiers' had their hands full trying to keep them all calm. I was working with a group of people who were contemplating fleeing.

"You aren't thinking this through!" I accused as they tried to push past me. I stood firmly in front of them though. One of the women leveled me with a glare.

"You are the one not thinking this through! We can't stay here!" She shouted, clasping the hands of her children. I held her gaze.

"Where will you go?" I demanded, narrowing my eyes. "Go too far, and I guarantee you'll be eaten by Titans." I snapped, and she finally faltered. Panic was finally replaced by reason, but also fear.

"But… What else can we do?" She asked, drawing her son and daughter closer to her. I frowned, biting my lip.

"All we can do is wait." Was all I was able to offer her. That didn't seem to calm her fears, but she at least backed off, ushering her children back into their home with an expression of defeat.

Once the small group had dissipated, I ran to find Eren. Or Jean. Or Marco. Anyone. I needed someone to talk to about this. We'd all gone straight into action without a consultation, and I needed to know what was really going on, what course of action we were taking.

I thought I'd spotted the head of brunette hair I was seeking, but I was yanked aside before I could even call out to him. I turned to find Levi gripping my arm, and he nodded towards the castle. Despite my desire to go to Eren, I followed obediently, entering the meeting room behind him.

Inside was the normal crowd; Erwin, Hanji, Mike… So that meant it was a strategic meeting. Levi took a seat, and I followed suit. Erwin waited till we were settled before he started.

"As I'm sure you're all aware, we've been discovered." He began. He took the collective silence as affirmation. "We're not entirely sure, but it's likely that the military will be mobilized against us. Those within the walls fear things they are unfamiliar with. And, even if they took a moment to understand who we are, the outcome would be the same, seeing as most of our population shouldn't lawfully be alive." He explained.

The following quiet was deafening to my ears. We all knew what that meant, and not even the usually cheerful Hanji could offer any words. Erwin cleared his throat.

"Unfortunately, our population has grown too large to safely relocate. It would be impossible in the estimated time we have until the military arrives." He admitted, lacing his fingers on the table. "We have no chance of outrunning them, especially with civilians in tow."

It was true. The military would be traveling on horseback and maneuver gear, which we couldn't provide for our entire population. In fact, we only had enough to supply all of our 'soldiers' and a couple of extra sets, just in case. And horses were only a little more abundant. Besides that, we had no way to pack up enough supplies to provide for everyone, and no time to gather them anyway.

"I trust you've all come to the same conclusion; We have no real choice. We are stuck here." He announced. There was finally a low hum of conversation as a few in attendance turned to comment to one another. I kept my mouth shut though, mind too busy trying to think of possible strategies. Erwin cut the talk off with the raise of a hand.

"Though we don't have a choice in regards to retreat, I'd advise you not to underestimate our potential." He added. We all looked up at him.

"We may be outnumbered, but we are trained the same way they are. And don't forget, we have some of the best soldiers on our side." He pointed out, glancing briefly at Levi. "And we know the area much better. It's much harder to invade than it is to defend."

That was true. I tried to let it sooth some of my fears, but still my stomach churned with nervous apprehension. His face turned grim as he spoke the next bit.

"And we have the Shifters." He finished. That weighed down on all of us heavily. That implied a lot more than it would seem. Bringing the Shifters into the fray would be the same as asking them all to commit a massacre. It meant they'd have to use the power they assumed to protect humans against them. It meant there was a possibility of regular Titans coming into play. That was enough to make me feel sick, for I'd never wish such a fate on anyone.

But what other choice did we really have? Without the Shifters we had next to nothing of a chance. That wasn't a statistic I was willing to face. Just as I was thinking that, Erwin turned to me.

"Armin, you accompany Eren on patrols. You've seen firsthand what he can do. Do you think we'd have a chance if we utilized the Shifters for defense?" He asked. I froze, my eyes wide. He was asking me?

"E-Er… Well, I think they'd be a great help." I agreed. "But I think it's important to consider the emotional toll it might take on them." I added. He nodded, frowning.

"After all, we'd be asking them to kill a massive military force. Those are people, some of them they might even know." I pointed out, grimacing. "And it would be a dangerous task. It's the military we're dealing with, after all. They're trained to kill Titans. While Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie would probably be okay, considering their size or hardening abilities, Eren and Ymir would be pretty vulnerable." I realized.

The meeting room took a moment to consider my words, then Erwin sighed.

"I'm afraid we don't have any other options. Hanji," He prompted, getting their attention. "Inform Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt that they are to stand at the ready directly behind our front line of soldiers."

Hanji nodded, rushing out of the room and down the hallway. Once they were gone, Erwin gave everyone some kind of task, sending them off until only Levi and I remained. Erwin fixed us with a stare.

"As Armin mentioned, Ymir and Eren are not able to aptly protect themselves. While we can't afford not to use them to our advantage, their safety is of upmost importance." He said, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"The issue is, neither of them has their power completely under control. They're still too prone to going berserk. This typically works in our favor, seeing as it's always been directed at Titans. But humans are different." He mused.

"Humans know how to seek out a weakness. Especially these humans. Eren would be especially prone to danger. He doesn't pay enough attention to his weak spot."

I couldn't argue. Eren had actually had quite a few close shaves with Titans, not paying attention to his neck while he did battle. And Titans didn't really aim. A human could have him down in a few seconds if they were clever enough.

"That's why I think the best idea would be to assign a small team to protecting them both." He announced. Levi sucked in a breath, but I sighed in relief.

"We can't afford to assign soldiers to defending one person." Levi spat.

"But Eren is more important than other people." I blurted without thinking. I quickly covered my mouth with my hand, eyes going wide. I hadn't meant to say that out loud.

Levi fixed me with a hard stare, as if daring me to speak out of term again. Thankfully, Erwin hummed in agreement.

"Armin is right. Eren, because of his ability, carries more worth than an entire squad." He argued, earning a glare from Levi. "And he has a lot of passion. He'd be an asset on the field, well worth the small team needed to defend him." He added.

Levi huffed, crossing his arms.

"As for Ymir, her size makes her a bit less of a threat for the enemy should she approach them in the field, which is where we will most likely be confronted. She'd be too easy to take advantage of." He decided. "I think she would be better utilized for her speed and coordination."

I'd seen her in action once before, and couldn't help but agree.

"Maybe we could lure some of the soldiers into the forest?" I suggested. "She'd be able to out maneuver them, even with gear." I pointed out.

Erwin nodded, turning to Levi.

"Go inform her of her position. Historia will accompany her, and the third squad will hide in the trees to provide protection should she need it."

Levi grumbled a bit but did as he was told, leaving just Erwin and I.

"That just leaves Eren." He said resolutely, staring me down. I did my best not to falter, nodding. "I'd like to put him behind the other shifters." He decided, and I bit my lip.

"He's not going to like that." I admitted. Eren was the type that liked to be at the center of any event.

"I know. But that would be the best place for him. Most of the invading army would be taken care of by Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie. Eren would only have to deal with the few that would manage to get through both them and our soldiers." He explained.

"It would be safer for him, and it would provide some reassurance to the civilians."

Well, maybe that would be enough to convince him. Probably not, but I'd have to work with it.

"I want you to stay with him. Make sure he stays in line." Erwin commanded. I nodded, though it was hard. I'd never been in a battle before.

"Keep him focused on his task, and don't let him go berserk." He elaborated, waving me off. "Squad five will guard him."

I stood, saluting before heading for the door. It shut behind me with an air of finality, and I took a shaky breath. All I wanted was to curl up in Eren's arms in our cabin and pretend none of this was happening. But the military would be arriving at any moment now, and I had a duty to perform.

Walking briskly, I searched out the boy in question, stopping to ask his whereabouts a few times. When I finally found him, I called his name. He turned from where he'd been herding some horses into the stables, hopping the fence and running in my direction.

I opened my mouth to begin explaining our position, but he cut me off, crashing into me and knocking us to the ground. I lost too much breath to protest, and before I had a chance to catch it he was pressing his lips feverishly to mine.

I tried to push him away, but found I didn't have the strength or willpower, so I indulged him for a moment, wrapping my arms around him and holding him close as he devoured my very breath, hot tears falling against my cheeks. I opened my eyes to find his closed against the crying, brows furrowed harshly.

"Eren-" I tried, but he growled, cutting me off.

"Why can't we have anything?" He demanded, voice harsh, full of hate. I was at an utter loss, unable to answer him. My words melted into mere gasps, not true replies.

"Why couldn't they just leave us alone?" He snarled, burying his face in my shoulder.

I was unable to say anything, so I simply held him, waiting till he finished sobbing to speak.

"Eren, I know." I cooed, running my fingers through his hair. "But it's not something we have the power to change. So now we need to do what we can to save what little we do have." I explained, trying to make my voice firm but still understanding. He looked up at me, eyes red-rimmed. It sent a pang of pain through my being, but I had to put that aside, kissing him as I got us upright.

"We're the second line of defense. Your job is to protect the civilians." I informed him, pulling him into my lap and brushing fingers through his hair. He sniffed, nuzzling into my neck. But he nodded, clinging to me. I was a little shocked at how little protest he offered, but realized that he was too far gone to argue. It was a bad place for him to be with an army coming to attack.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to hold him and spill tears with him and kiss him until we ran out of breath and life. But we had responsibilities. I knew we were an important part of the strategy, and didn't dare stand in the way of the fragile balance that was our hastily-made plan.

I got him up and walking, and we headed for the very edge of town. Other soldiers were falling into formation, running by us as they rushed into the field, maneuver gear already strapped on. Marco brought me mine as he, Jean, and a few others joined us. Apparently they were squad five.

I put my gear on, then pulled Eren close to me, holding his hand as we waited. That's all we could do. We had to wait till we were attacked. I felt like vomiting. I nearly did. Eren patted my back as I tried to force it down, managing to stifle the urge after a bit of dry heaving.

I wasn't the only one. I could see the nervousness of the others. Marco stood close to Jean, brushing against him as often as he could. Jean would steal a kiss on occasion, whenever he thought we weren't paying attention. Their frames shook minutely. Or maybe that was simply my vision.

A few soldiers passed by us, fear and panic having overwhelmed their sense. They were fleeing. The enemy hadn't even come.

Some returned a few minutes later, others did not.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of waiting in tense silence, we heard it. Horses. We couldn't see the advancing army, but we could hear it. Immediately, all of our unease multiplied a thousand times over, and my stomach seemed to turn to lead, actual vomit coming up this time. Eren grimaced, rubbing my back and pulling my bangs away from my sweaty forehead.

Nothing came to us at first. We could hear the sounds of horses and clanging metal, blades meeting blades. But it was still where we were. Then, as if to warn us, a massive cloud of steam rose from the field where we knew the main battle was taking place. And Bertholdt's figure shot up, huge even from the distance we were viewing him from. He himself was formidable enough to take out a good chunk of the army, so long as they weren't moving too fast. I assumed Annie and Reiner had transformed as well.

I watched Eren tense, hand poised in front of his mouth, teeth already bared and ready to bite into the flesh before them at a moment's notice.

But, when the first enemy got through, it wasn't Eren that took care of him, but Jean. He struck too quickly for me to even comprehend, but it made sense when I reevaluated the situation. The man had obviously been aiming for Marco when he charged through. He was panicked. The enemy was scared.

Jean retreated, and then turned to stare at the lifeless body. We all stared. It dawned on us then how real this all was. We were at war. There were going to be casualties on both sides. And we were going to be responsible for some of those casualties.

A shiver ran down my spine, but Eren pulled me close with an arm around my waist, and I turned. Where his face had previously been red and sullen, it was now pale and determined. That was definitely better, but still, I was worried. Could we really win?

I didn't get a chance to think about it as a small stream of enemies broke through the trees. I counted. Too many for our soldiers to handle. Eren seemed to have realized too, for a rough shove and a burst of steam surprised me, and I watched as Eren's Titan body rose to tower over us all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hei guys! I'm so sorry for the wait! I kept telling myself I needed to work on an update, but I've been so caught up in my other writing that it slipped my mind. I'm currently working on three JeanMarco stories that I haven't posted yet, and I have a SuFin that I have to keep up with too. Plus school, work, and two conventions in a row… I know that isn't really an excuse, but you know, I'm a busy person. Be gentle with me.
> 
> So, anyway, thanks for anyone who stuck with me! We're moving towards the climax! Exciting stuff, or so I hope!
> 
> Speaking of JeanMarco stuff I'm writing, I've decided to start posting one of the three that I'm working on. It was a tough choice for me, as I love them all, but I felt bad spending so much time writing things that no one is seeing yet. So if you like JeanMarco, keep an eye out. I'll be posting the first chapter sometime soon! Definitely before the next update of this. It's a modernAU though, so keep that in mind~!
> 
> And with that, I must get back to work on it! I'd like to have as many chapters done before I start posting. Plus, you know, still working on cosplay and stuff. Life never stops! Thanks, as always for reading! Feedback is definitely appreciated!
> 
> KuroRiya
> 
> 九六りや


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hei guys~! Thanks as always for sticking with me, and I just wanted to give you all a warning before you started reading:
> 
> This chapter is going to have character death. I can't tell you who, since that'd be a spoiler, but I just wanted you all to be aware before you dove in. Some people don't handle that well. I'm adding it to the tags too. 
> 
> And since I'm already working on it, might as well get my note out of the way. I don't have much to say beyond shameless adverting, so if you like JeanMarco, you should totes check out my Punk!Jean/Nerd!Marco story, Take Me to the Riot. It's fluffy and cute and no one dies and very few things hurt except Jean's pride and Levi's dignity. With that, I'll let you get to it! Feedback is always appreciated!

Eren moved differently than he did when he was fighting Titans. In fact, he only injured the first few soldiers that got to him. But when they started to surround him, it was harder to be careful, and I could hear the cracking of someone's spine from my spot on the ground. The body fell, crumpling against the ground where it landed, mangled and broken.

He looked young. Maybe my age, give or take a year. Still a child really. His face was twisted with fear, the sort of fear normally reserved for Titans. And that was accurate, I realized, looking up at Eren. He no longer instilled fear in me, even in this form. I knew him too intimately. But to these attacking soldiers, Eren was a fifteen meter tall Titan. Nothing more, nothing less.

To them, they were attacking a Titan. They were in the right, at least from their perspective. And that's the thing. No one is ever really right when it comes to war. Both sides have their reasons, and in the end, it's simply a matter of which side is willing to sacrifice more.

Unfortunately for those coming from inside the walls, we had everything to lose. If we didn't give it our all, we'd all die. Every single one of us. With that weighing on our minds, it was a fight to the death for us.

Some of them must have figured out that Bertholdt wasn't very fast. They were starting to come our way in little streams, most of which were easily dispatched by Eren. The other soldiers that made up Eren's defense force were doing well too. I myself hadn't had to do anything but keep an eye on Eren, and I'd shouted to warn him a couple times when one of the enemies got too close to his neck.

It wasn't until a fairly large group broke through the tree line that I had to engage in any hand to hand combat. They overwhelmed us in numbers, and while Eren attracted the majority of them, there were still plenty for us foot soldiers to deal with.

A larger one approached me. Maybe he thought my size would work in his favor. Maybe he saw that I was scared. Regardless, he attacked without a second thought, and I barely managed to bring my own swords up to block the attack, the force of it sending me back a few steps.

I thought about letting him kill me. After all, what was there for me in the end? Even if we won this battle, wouldn't there be more to come? Was it really worth the struggle? After all, what difference did my little life mean to anyone?

Eren seemed to notice that I was under attack, and though he didn't turn from his own task, his foot moved close enough to knock the approaching man off his feet. I blinked, taking in the falter, mind working at a mile a minute. I knew what the correct course of action was. I should have killed him. But still, there was hesitation. I'd never taken a life before.

Marco did it for me, quickly coming to my aid before the man could even get up again. He took a moment to squeeze my shoulder, looking at me through his lashes as he caught his breath.

"Armin, you can't think." He panted, shaking his head. "You don't have time. You can regret this later. Right now, we need to protect ourselves."

He returned to the front, helping Jean with the female soldier that he was dealing with. It seemed that he had to help Jean along as well. Maybe Jean had lingering hesitation because of her gender. But Marco dispatched her just as he had the man, speaking in Jean's ear as well.

I admired him. Even in the face of danger, he was keeping his head about him. I was trying so hard, but I kept over-analyzing. I was becoming a hindrance. I needed to focus, like Marco said, on the task at hand. We were under attack, and a lot more than just my life was on the line.

When the next one came to me, I actually took a swing after dodging their attack. And I hit them. They didn't die, but they immediately backed off, clutching at the arm that had once been connected to the hand I'd just cut off, screaming. The sight had me gagging, but the man was put out of his misery by one of my allies, who he'd backed into.

I backed myself into a tree, breath too short, world spinning. It's impossible to describe the feeling of a blade slicing through another human's flesh, through bone. But it had been so clean, almost effortless. It was terrifying, horrifyingly easy to hurt someone, to kill someone. I didn't want that power. It made me sick.

Yet, in the midst of battle, I wasn't given much time to dwell on it. Another soldier attacked, and it clicked in my mind that it was kill or be killed. Everyone else had already figured it out, and now I understood too. I did a much better job the second time, actually aiming my attack and stopping my assailant in their tracks. Her body slumped, and I quickly pulled the blade away, shuddering as the thin metal unsheathed itself from her chest.

I had to tell myself that it had been quick. That was the only thing keeping me from dwelling on the fact that I'd just killed someone. At least it wasn't as terrible as it could have been. At least she wasn't strung up and dangled from the wall as if she were a prize for the Titans. A game.

After about two more little skirmishes, I wasn't contemplating mortality anymore. Maybe it was hysteria taking over, but I was hyper-focus, seeing every minute movement that anyone made. But still, my attention tended to linger on Eren. He was starting to get tired. I could see it. The others could see it too. But still, the enemy kept coming, seemingly endless in numbers.

We subconsciously moved in closer to one another. It was smart, on our part, as we were easier able to help each other out. Marco watched out for me, and Jean took care of anyone who tried to sneak up on Marco's right side. I counted. We'd lost four. Compared to the number of enemies lying dead at our feet, it was hardly a figure. But it was still casualty, they were people we knew. I might have sat next to one of them while eating, or maybe we'd run into each other while walking through the halls. That wasn't going to be possible anymore.

Despite our loss, and our exhaustion, we tried to take as much of the combat as we could, hoping to give Eren a moment to rest. His breathing was labored, steam obscuring him a bit as it poured from the countless wounds he was trying to heal. But it was hard. Eren was a big target, and the most threatening, so most of the aggressors went for him. It dawned on us that we were going to have to start using maneuver gear, which wasn't a strategic move for us. We didn't have endless stores of gas like they did within the walls. And now that we'd been found out, we couldn't sneak in and take some of theirs. In fact, approaching the wall at all would likely be our downfall.

If we managed to survive this, we would need to move far, far away. We needed to be out of reach. We needed days, weeks between us. Otherwise, what was to deter them from sending another round of soldiers to vanquish us? Already their numbers were overwhelming, and this was just the first battle. There would almost certainly be others.

We were forced to switch to maneuver gear when Eren fell, his weight crashing to the ground and sending us all up about a foot in the air before we landed, some with more grace than others. He was smart enough to put his back against a tree, one hand covering his neck and the other batting away those that came his way.

With Eren down, we had to pick up the slack. So up we went, using our familiarity with the terrain to our advantage. Still, our combatants were trained with gear as well, so they matched us pretty easily. Thankfully, before we had a chance for too many casualties, more of our own soldiers headed our way. As they got closer, I recognized Levi, and a few others that I'd met since leaving the walls.

Petra took care of one of the two men I was defending myself against, offering me the smallest of forced smiles as she easily outmaneuvered those around us. With them around, we finally got a small reprise, able to look around and catch our breath. Even straining my eyes, I couldn't see Bertholdt anymore. I hoped to every god I knew that he'd simply gotten tired and reverted back to his normal form. I didn't have the time to dwell on it though.

Levi landed on Eren's shoulder, talking into his ear. Eren nodded a few times, then shakily tried to stand. But he only fell back down, then shook his head. Levi's face was unreadable, but I got the sinking feeling that he was panicking on the inside. And that was probably the worst thing I could have seen.

Levi was revered as a leader in the eyes of pretty much everyone beyond the walls. Erwin was in a higher position, but Levi was around more often. He was always the toughest person among us. Perhaps rude, short tempered, and a bit unkind, but he was admired for his combat and strategic prowess. To see fear swelling in his grey eyes unsettled me more than the sight of the enemy.

But what was he afraid of? The fact that he was with us instead of on the front lines meant that they could afford to send him back, didn't it?

Or maybe it meant that they couldn't afford not to.

My stomach sank, and I anchored to a tree and hoisted myself up, landing next to Levi on Eren's shoulder. He regarded me, normal frown in place.

"What's happened?" I asked, eyes wide and still scanning to make sure that we weren't going to be attacked. He pursed his lips, glaring towards the field.

"We were doing fine, but the shifters got too tired. Braun and Hoover are hiding and resting. They captured Leonhardt." He replied. I flinched at the news. Annie had been captured? What did that mean? What would they do with her? Where was she now? "I don't know about Ymir." He continued. "But right now, Jaeger is my top priority. He's the only thing keeping the Titans away." He explained.

I looked to Eren, who was still wheezing. I could see his exhaustion, and I could see that he was fighting to keep his form. He was going to lose his fight though. He might prolong it twenty minutes, at best. Without Annie, who was the best at keeping the Titans at bay, Eren was all we had left. Bertholdt and Reiner, if they were hiding, were too tired to keep it up. As soon as Eren changed, and likely passed out, it was over.

Where could we go? Our only real option would be the tops of buildings, and how long would it take for Titans to knock them down? Our structures weren't exactly in the best condition. If we could just survive long enough to get one of the shifters back in working order…

But with the invading army, we couldn't even retreat. The number of assailants was waning, but they were still keeping us busy.

"Has someone told the civilians to retreat to the castle?" I wondered. Levi nodded curtly, slicing someone clean in half when they tried to get to Eren.

"All of the wounded have been taken there too. It's just us, Ymir's squad, and a few on the front lines with Erwin, trying to keep them from getting this far." He added. I grimaced as Eren's muscles twitched under us, knowing it was a bad sign.

I was about to suggest that we attempt a full retreat, regardless of the enemy advances, when we heard a scream. While I'd been hearing plenty of screams that day, this one was familiar. I looked down to see Petra, gaping at a body that had just hit the ground. It was one of ours. I didn't know him very well, but I recognized him, vaguely. Levi, apparently, knew him much better though, for he growled.

"Petra!" Another of ours called, a tall blonde. "Get out of the way!"

After a moment of hesitation, she did, narrowly escaping a blade aimed for her neck. But while he'd been focused on helping Petra, the blonde fell victim to his own attack, falling to the ground with a guttural cry.

I watched all of this, unable to comprehend. I knew these soldiers to be some of our strongest, working closely with Levi. What was happening? Why were they being defeated so easily? Sure, they were tired, but so were we. Marco was still holding his own, and Jean was right beside him.

Maybe they knew. If they were Levi's personal squad, then they must have been clever. So they must have known, must have been aware of how utterly damned we were. They were getting careless, desperate, and scared.

Levi was tense next to me, unable to move. He needed to protect Eren, at all costs. No matter how much he wanted to help his squad, he was trapped by his obligation. He'd weighed both options, and had realized that Eren was more important for the greater good than the lives of his comrades.

Petra was furious. I could see it even from Eren's shoulder. And she had a clear shot to take out the man that had killed her teammate. But before she had a chance to take a step, she fell, quite suddenly, to the ground, not a sound escaping her lips. I blinked, mouth agape as I looked at her body. What happened? I hadn't even seen! The only indication that she'd been attacked at all was the pool of blood gathering underneath her.

Oluo shrieked with rage, dispatching the man he'd been fighting with and hurrying to Petra's side. He knelt down and his hand searched for her pulse. I assumed he didn't find any based on his angry scream, and the stream of curses that followed. His eyes darted around the area, looking for Petra's killer. But not even I had seen them.

Levi apparently had, for he opened his mouth, shouting the other man's name. But it was too late, and Oluo probably only heard the first syllable before he fell next to Petra, blood staining his shirt and seeping into the ground.

Again, I hadn't seen the attacker. I saw the streak of movement, but my eyes weren't fast enough to see more than a blur of color.

Levi had clearly had enough, and he launched himself off of Eren, flying free for just a moment before he anchored into a tree and started a pursuit of the unknown attacker. He moved just as quickly, his body blurring in my vision as well. No matter how hard I tried to train my eyes on either of their figures, I couldn't keep up. But I heard their blades meet, one, twice, three times. Then Levi was back, panting, glaring out at our surroundings, eyes darting quickly from side to side as he took a short break.

"She's fucking quick." He hissed, wiping his brow with the sleeve of his jacket. "And I'm too tired. If this goes on much longer, I won't be able to keep up." He admitted, a growl hidden in his tone. My mouth fell open, and my heart rate increased. For Levi to admit that he had a chance of losing…

"What should we do?" I wondered, clinging to a lock of Eren's hair, as if that would ground me, as if it would keep me calm. Or maybe it was for security. Not even I knew at that point.

Levi's glare intensified, and he leapt off again, the sound of his blade meeting another one too close for my comfort. I finally caught a streak of red, along with the normal white and tan of the military uniforms, but that was all that was visible before they once again disappeared. Levi stayed on the ground, watching the tree line, as if daring the offender to try it again.

Eren shifted under me, and my attention quickly returned to him, watching as he huffed out a breath, something like a sigh, and shuddered from the effort. That wasn't good.

"Eren!" I called into his ear. "Eren, please, just a little longer!" I begged, walking closer and resting my cheek against his. "Please."

But he'd hit his limit, and before I had time to back up, steam started to pour from his body, the heat enough to make me yelp and jump off. It was a good idea anyway, for his body began melting and evaporating away until all that was left was the skeleton and Eren's unconscious body.

Already the anticipation of the coming Titans was enough to have me trembling. But I needed to get Eren out of the battlefield before they came. I needed to start moving before I froze up.

"Levi!" I cried, and I caught his eye just long enough to confirm that he knew. He nodded shortly, still busy dealing with his assailant, but he paused long enough to bark an order.

"All of you, get out of here. NOW! Take Jaeger, protect him with your lives!" He shouted, and all of our allies backed off, Jean and Marco coming to help me with Eren. "Go to headquarters, and get up as high as you can. Warn any lingering civilians! Block off all entrances, cover windows, make it a blockade. Move it!" He added, pushing the other person off.

Apparently the attacking soldiers were confused. Even the one that Levi was fighting with paused, and I looked at her face for only a second before horrific recognition washed over me.

"Mikasa-" I breathed, trying to linger, to show her who I was, but Jean and Marco were moving, and I had to help Eren onto Jean's back. Eren was my main priority. But she'd stopped attacking when Levi had mentioned Eren, and was now looking directly at us, eyes narrowed dangerously.

Levi didn't let her approach when she tried, and I winced as their swords met, suddenly unsure of whom I wanted to emerge victorious from the battle. And as much as I wanted to stay and try to subdue the situation, I needed to get Eren away. Perhaps they weren't upon us yet, but the Titans were coming, and only chaos could ensue. I could hear them. I could feel their feet pounding against the ground.

With Eren secured to Jean's back, and the rest of the surviving squad members spread out around us to ensure Eren's protection, we pressed forward. But we hadn't even made it out of the clearing before our attempt was halted, one of our soldiers screaming as he was caught mid-air in a hand bigger than his body.

We could only watch in mortification as he was easily shoved into a mouth, cries silencing as the Titan swallowed. And we weren't the only ones. The enemy soldiers started cursing and shouting, Titans quickly surrounding us. And suddenly we weren't concerned with our petty war; No, we were focused on escaping the Titans. Most of the enemy soldiers headed back in the direction of the walls while we tried to break through in the direction of the castle.

But as soon as a Titan fell, another quickly took its place, slowly closing us in with sheer numbers. The formation quickly broke, only three soldiers, including Marco and myself, remaining to defend Eren. Thankfully, Levi joined us, taking down each Titan that was between his previous position and our current one.

Before I had a chance to ask him what to do, he launched himself forward, spinning as he passed and leveling a small path between the wall of Titans, which we quickly took advantage of, propelling forward as quickly as our gear could manage. Levi led us forward, a few others following behind to take care of any Titans that he missed. But still, it was overwhelming. There were so many, I couldn't even guess. For all we knew, they could be endless.

And then, suddenly, Mikasa was right in front of me, and I came to a crashing halt, both of us crumpling against the ground. I didn't even have time to stand up before she was tugging me up by my collar, looking long and hard at my face.

She clearly recognized me, and her head snapped towards where Jean was still retreating with Eren. She spared me one more look, then took off in that direction, moving fast enough that she caught up, sending Jean crashing to the ground just as she'd done with me. Marco stopped too, letting himself hit the ground for only a second before he was rushing to Jean's side.

Mikasa pulled Eren off of Jean's back, kicking the other teen away from her before she looked down into Eren's face. I approached slowly and carefully, watching for Titans, but also trying to keep my eyes on my friends. When I gotten close enough to see, it was obvious that Mikasa didn't know what to think. This wasn't how we'd planned for her to find out. This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

"Mikasa." I called softly. She looked up briefly, then her eyes quickly snapped back to Eren, brows knit in the center.

"He's alive." She breathed, the words shuddering with the effort. I winced, eyes downcast. "You're alive."

"Yes. But we need to go, Mikasa." I said lowly, hands curling under Eren's arms. But she didn't let me pull him away. "Please! If we don't go now, the Titans will-" I tried to explain, but suddenly I fell backwards, Eren in my arms. I blinked, looking to Mikasa. Instead of returning my gaze, she was focused on keeping Levi at bay, a look of determination and even a hint of hatred easily replacing the glassy look from before.

"Levi, please-" I began, but they both seemed intent on ignoring me, standing and taking battle stances. "Levi, it's Mikasa!" I cried as he lunged in for an attack. He must have heard me, for he hesitated right before his attack landed. Mikasa, however, was not so hesitant, and she landed a harsh kick, Levi's leg buckling a bit from the force.

While he didn't scream or make any indicators of pain aside from a small grunt, I could tell that it had injured him, at least a sprain.

"Mikasa, no!" I screamed, hefting Eren up and back onto Jean's back, despite the other teen's protests. "Levi is trying to keep Eren safe!" I promised, looking around in search of an opening. But there wasn't one, not without Levi blazing a trail, and my stomach sank. He was still staring off with Mikasa. And to be honest, I understood where he was coming from. She'd killed two of his squad members, two of his closest friends right before his eyes. But we didn't have time for it.

I'm not really sure where it came from, but I found myself stomping over, inserting myself between them and sending them both scathing looks.

"Save your face off for later!" I screeched, brows furrowed. "If we don't get out of here, we're all going to die!" I pointed out. They both hesitated, but lowered their weapons, eyes still trained on each other, though they both stole glances at Eren.

With a sigh, I headed back to where Jean and Marco were ducked behind a building, trying to avoid the notice of a Titan. With a groan, Levi threw himself back into the air, taking it down with relative ease. But he landed roughly, falling to his knee when his ankle gave out. That wasn't good. In his condition, he'd be lucky if he managed to get one more kill in.

Mikasa was doing her best to clear a path too, and while she was skilled, her technique was a bit more tedious, killing the Titans one by one instead of mowing down several with the same attack like Levi did.

I realized how hopeless it was. I wasn't sure if anyone else had quite processed it, but without Levi or a decent squad of soldiers, we had no chance of survival. What could we do? Eren was unconscious, and probably wouldn't be able to shift in that state even if he woke up. If Levi launched another attack, it'd likely be his last. Mikasa could barely keep up with the steady stream of Titans surrounding us, unable to provide us a path.

I nearly cried when Erwin and his squad broke through from behind, not hesitating to surge forward and assist Mikasa. To my amazement, they were still in top form, Hanji even squealing with glee as they went along, leaving fallen carcasses to evaporate in their wake. How could they still have so much energy? Even Levi was having trouble, still frozen in his position, knuckles white as he clenched his blades.

But with Erwin's squad at work, we were finally able to push through, and Jean took off, Marco and I hot on his heels, always watching Eren to make sure that he didn't fall off. Just when we could see the castle, I heard a sickening crunch, and looked up to find that a Titan had caught someone. I initially wasn't sure who it was, but when he slashed at the Titan's fingers, I saw Mike. His leg and an arm were bent at an awkward angle, and even when the Titan dropped him, he was unable to move.

It picked him right back up, actually fighting with another Titan that had made a grab for him. Much like a carriage accident, I found myself unable to look away as his limbs came away from his body, sobs and screams the last sound from his mouth before his skull was smashed between the teeth of the first titan.

And yet, we couldn't pause. We had to get to the castle. So, even as we passed over the Titan that had done the deed, we couldn't dwell on it, couldn't grieve yet.

It seemed like it had been miles away, but finally my hook sank into the wall of the castle, Jean's doing the same. The relief I felt when I landed on the roof was immense, and it only grew as Jean, Marco, and Mikasa landed nearby. I watched as others joined us, a few not making it, but most of us managing the climb.

Levi and Erwin were the last two, and my lips pulled into a grim frown when I realized that Erwin was carrying Levi, arm holding him around the waist. His maneuvering was suffering for it too, but he was clearly determined to get the two of them up the wall, one way or another.

I saw it before it even happened. I saw the Titan that was crouched down, and I could see the way its muscles strained in preparation. I knew what it was preparing for, but my cry of warning was too little too late.

While it didn't get a grip on Erwin when it jumped, it did yank his wire, sending him crashing to the ground, Levi rolling a few feet away. And while Erwin recovered rather easily, springing back to his feet and anchoring into a tree, Levi was struggling to even get to his knees.

There was a collective gasp as a Titan snatched him up. He managed to cut its fingers off, and the one that grabbed him after that, and the one after that. Then his sword snapped, leaving him with only a foot of blade to defend himself with.

Erwin was doing his best to get close enough to rescue him, but the Titans kept crowding around, as if they somehow knew that Levi had been exalted as the ultimate slayer of Titans. As if they had a grudge.

Without the ability to protect himself, Levi could only struggle against the fingers, his attempts rather pathetic when all was considered. And just as Erwin finally broke through, the Titan shoved Levi into its mouth. It was silent on the castle except for the sound of someone leaping off the building, maneuver gear squealing as they shot forward. But no one could even spare a glance to see who it was, too entranced by the spectacle before us.

Erwin, to everyone's surprise, didn't give up even when the Titan closed its mouth around Levi, forcing its mouth open with his bare hands and reaching in, muscles trembling as he pried the teeth apart and searched for Levi. He must have found him, for he began pulling back, but before he had a chance, the Titan's jaw snapped shut, Erwin just barely avoiding being trapped inside, Hanji yanking him away roughly.

He cried out, but it wasn't for the arm that he was now missing. None of us were fooled. He cried out for Levi, and we all watched in stunned silence as the Titan swallowed.


	17. Chapter 17

The only sound I could hear as we all watched in fascinated horror was Eren's wheezing breath, still unconscious at my side. It was clear that nobody believed what we'd all seen. It was simply an impossible concept to grasp, that Levi could be bested by a Titan. And we were all holding on to that belief, that he couldn't be gone.

Be he didn't come flying out. He didn't spill out from a gash in the Titan's stomach. It was so still for that fraction of a second that seemed like eternity.

Reality snapped into place with a jarring suddenness, Erwin's voice shrill even in its deepness as he screamed against Hanji's hold on him, fighting with what little might he was left with. But Hanji didn't let go, not until they landed on top of the building, beckoning to anyone nearby to help hold Erwin down, lest he attempt another rescue.

A buzz of conversation began to rise, even drowning out the noise of the Titans below, attempting to get to us with all they had. The only one anyone paid mind to was the one that had gotten Levi. It looked so normal. It wasn't even particularly big. Maybe a seven meter? It just looked too average.

Eren finally began to stir, groaning low in his throat as his lids fought to open, his eyes the color of life unfocused, staring at some strange nothingness that he had a tendency to get lost in, even when we were children. When he finally caught his body up to his mind, he looked around, finally finding me and fixating for a while.

I knelt down next to him, making it easier to hold his gaze, a pressed a kiss to his cheek. The very corner of his mouth tugged just barely upward, and his eyes hooded just a bit.

"Eren," I breathed, voice shaky at best. He looked at me more fully, blinking a few times through his lashes. "Eren… Levi is…" I tried, but I couldn't think of the words. How could I explain it to someone who hadn't seen it? How would I make him believe me?

"Levi is…" He prompted groggily, rolling his shoulders a few times. I bit my lip, gathering my thoughts to the best of my ability.

"He's… Gone." I finally managed, looking out toward the Titans, skimming their features till I found the one. Eren followed my gaze, staring blankly, mind clearly not registering the full weight of my words.

"What do you mean… Gone?" He asked, turning back to me.

"I mean… Gone, Eren. He was eaten." I elaborated, bottom lip trembling. What would we do without Levi? And Erwin was incapacitated at best. Without them, we didn't stand a chance, regardless of who our foe was. It took Eren several seconds to process the information, and his brows slowly furrowed as he did.

"W-Wait, what do you mean? Levi wouldn't get-" He began, the light finally starting to come to his eyes.

"I know, Eren. But he was." I interrupted, looking at my feet as if that would alleviate the pressure of having to tell him. He was silent, then he stood, walking the few steps needed to close the distance between us, and he put his hand on my shoulder, jostling me until I looked at him.

His eyes swirled like a summer storm, grey and green dancing in an unsettling display of emotion. Yet he looked controlled. His body didn't even shake as he gripped my shoulder.

"Which one?" He demanded, not letting me look away. I could just barely see Mikasa approaching, but he shook me again, commanding my full attention. "Armin. Which one?"

I'd never been scared of Eren. Even in his Titan form, as soon as I knew it was him, my fear was gone. But I was scared of him then. I trembled, able to feel his rage almost empathically through the hand he had on my shoulder, his barely-there nails digging into my shoulder through my shirt.

Maybe I shouldn't have given him the information he wanted. But not even I was brave enough to deny him. Without a word, I looked back to the Titan in question, still stupidly trying to push its way to the front of the growing crowd amassing around the castle. Eren followed my gaze, eyes locking on the same Titan, and the pressure was suddenly gone from my shoulder, replaced by an icy absence.

There were a few shouts as Eren took a running leap off of the roof, his Titan body forming before he even hit the ground. It rumbled under his weight, and a few Titan's fell from the impact, others crushed under Eren's feet. He let out a ferocious roar, the sound shaking my core, somewhere between my lungs, sending my heart racing. I wasn't sure if it was from the fear, or from the sudden adrenaline. All I knew was that Eren wasn't himself.

But still, he was mine. And so, before my mind even registered that I was doing it, or that Mikasa was yelling at me to stop, I'd leapt off the building after him, just barely managing to get one of my hooks into his shoulder. I landed a bit awkwardly, but he didn't pay me any mind as I scrambled onto his shoulder, fumbling to grasp his hair, but giving up on that and simply shooting my hooks into his shoulder to make sure I wouldn't fall off.

He was rampaging. I don't know if anyone else could tell, but I could. Eren wasn't thinking, he was taking out his rage on any Titan he could get his hands on. But his eyes remained focused on the one I'd pointed out, and he slowly worked his way to it, killing Titan after Titan as he proceeded. But this wasn't good. This was dangerous.

"Eren!" I cried into his ear. "Eren, please! You aren't helping Levi like this!"

But I was ignored, the only indicator that he'd heard anything at all being a slight twitch of his ear. Chances were, in this state, he didn't even comprehend my words. That terrified me more than anything else I could think of, honestly.

Even as I felt the crunch of bones vibrating up through his body, even as he roared and snarled, even as he thrashed about and destroyed everything in his path, I did my best to talk to him, all of my pleas falling on unhearing ears.

In one final attempt, I climbed up, clinging to his hair and dangling myself in front of him, trying to get him to look at me. But he wouldn't focus on me at all, eyes trained unwaveringly on the Titan that had eaten Levi. No longer did his eyes hold the color of life. It was drowned with a greyness that covered all but the acidic glow as he tore his way ever closer.

I returned to my perch on his shoulder, terror clenching at my heart, making the frantic pounding almost painful as I finally admitted it to myself. Eren wasn't human in that moment. He'd lost himself in his monstrous rage, lost himself in his murderous ferocity. And I couldn't stop him.

When we came upon the Titan, he paused for only a second, just long enough to size it up, then he tilted his head back, his howl so utterly loud and close that I cried out, covering my ears. And they rang even as he started his attack, making me unable to hear much beyond a few delayed cracks.

I watched the Titan's body crumble, now headless, and forced myself not to gag as another sharp crack made its way to my ears, followed by a chilling squish, and I watched Eren's rip it apart limb by limb, breaking each one in his crushing grasp, stomping at them until they came away.

He was being careless. He'd forgotten his original objective. His feet were landing much too close to the thing's stomach. If there was any hope in the world of Levi surviving, assuming he was even still alive inside, Eren needed to avoid the stomach.

But Eren wasn't thinking. Not like a human, anyway. The only thing on his mind at that moment was to destroy. What would happen when he came back to himself? What if I had to tell him that he'd crushed any chance of Levi's survival under his foot? He'd never forgive himself. He'd disintegrate in his own body, his mind would dissolve. He'd be the same as dead.

I tried again to scream into his ear, my voice sounding incredibly shrill to my recovering ears, causing another round of the ringing, but I ignored it.

"Please! Eren, stop!" I begged, pulling on his hair as hard as I could. But still, he ignored me, feet coming dangerously close to where Levi would be. Without much other choice, I steeled myself, carefully maneuvering until I was at the nape of his neck. He didn't bother to try and protect it, and, with a shaky breath, I sunk my blades into the flesh, all the way up to the hilt.

He hissed, he howled, backing up and writhing, his violent motions nearly sending me flying. But the roaring was apparently a good thing, for the Titans that had been gathering backed off suddenly, making an almost perfect circle around us, almost like there was a sudden barrier they couldn't cross.

Even as Eren thrashed, he didn't reach back to try and remove me, and I held on with all I had, ignoring the pain as my body was battered against his taut neck muscles.

"Eren!" I screamed, trying to speak as best I could with the movement. "Please! Come back!" I plead, my grip faltering on the handles. I had to get to him, fast. "If you keep on like this, you're going to kill Levi!" I shouted. I thought it was pointless, but his movement halted, and it was suddenly still, the juxtaposition disorienting me enough that I did accidentally release one of my blades. It slid out a bit, and I managed to grab it before it fell, pulling both out and letting the steam from his blood swirl around me. It was almost comforting, for he was listening now.

"Eren-" I called again. He stood up straight, slowly turning to look over his shoulder, just barely making eye contact with me. I could have cried with relief, seeing the grass and the trees in his eyes again.

But there wasn't time for that. I needed to act quickly, in case he lost his sense again. I got down, hitting the ground a little harder than anticipated. I ignored the protest of my knees though, scurrying to the Titan body. It was steaming, just barely twitching, so still alive. I couldn't afford to hesitate though, and leapt up quickly, looking down at its disgustingly protruding abdomen, trying to map its anatomy out quickly, then making my slash, hoping against hope I'd aimed correctly.

The contents of its stomach spilled out, putrid and slimy. Some of the bodies were in pieces, others whole but decaying. None of them showed any signs of life.

I actually vomited before I could proceed. The sight alone was enough to make me sick, and the smell was no help. Yet, I couldn't waste time. I didn't even wipe my mouth before I was doing my best to sift through the rancid pile, looking for the familiar man I prayed was still fighting to survive.

I'd nearly given up, reasoning that nothing could survive in that fetid pool of carnage, but I finally saw something familiar. It wasn't Levi, but Erwin's arm. I recognized it because of the silver ring he always wore. I'd never asked about it, but I knew he rarely, if ever, took it off.

It made me wince to look at it, to realize that the detached limb I was looking at had been attached to someone I knew. I'd shaken that very hand the first time I'd met the man.

But it held my attention because that hand was tangled with another, and I rushed to pull another body off, revealing Levi underneath. His eyes were closed, almost peaceful face belying the macabre end he'd met. I watched with bated breath for any sign of life. Breath, movement, anything. Nothing came, and my heart began to sink, but I had to be positive before I'd leave him.

Ignoring the pungent slime coating him and making my hair stick to my cheek, I pressed my ear to his chest. Nothing. But I desperately listened, begging his heart to give just one beat. Just one. We needed this man.

As if my thoughts had a life behind them, his heart gave a weak thump, and I cried out with surprise, hope crawling into my thoughts as I got to work clearing his face of the slime, making sure to clear his air passage. I'd never been so thankful that we'd been taught basic first aid as when I was trying to get him breathing again. My arms felt feeble as they pressed against his chest, I worried I wasn't strong enough to do it, I felt dizzy.

But he coughed, sludge coming up and splattering the ground. I turned him on his side and patted his back until he stopped coughing, and he took a breath, then another, and I really did cry with relief that time.

Without missing a beat, I waved to Eren, and he lowered his hand, waiting while I tugged Levi onto it before lifting the both of us up. He looked around at the still waiting Titans, gave a single roar, and we watched them scatter, back towards the forest.

He walked carefully, trying to keep Levi and I as steady as possible. Still, with his size, it wasn't long before we were back at the castle, and the gathered people made room for his hand, several of our soldiers coming to take Levi, allowing me to step off onto the roof easily. I hadn't even turned around before Eren's body was gone in a puff of steam.

I yelped, about to leap off the building again to retrieve him, but Mikasa beat me to it, snatching him up and returning him to the roof before the Titans had a chance to return. When she landed, she held Eren to her, and it was minute, but I saw her frame shake.

I wanted to hold Eren like that. Who knew what would have happened if I hadn't gotten through to him. I wanted to cherish him and kiss him and be there when he opened his eyes. But I knew that Mikasa needed it more than me at that moment. So I let her hold him without complaining, falling to his side and simply lacing our fingers. I thought it would be hard to ignore the lingering slime I was covered in, but I found I couldn't care less as I felt his fingers between mine, saw his chest rise and fall with breath against Mikasa's embrace.

She refused to move, and I refused to leave Eren, so we eventually found ourselves very alone on the roof, only a few others lingering there to keep watch. It was alright though; no one wanted me walking around in my state. I'd probably make everyone I passed sick. It was a wonder Mikasa hadn't said anything about it yet.

When she finally did speak, it wasn't about my state of filthiness.

"Armin." She prompted, looking at me at last. I nodded to show I was listening. "How is it that you two are here? That you're alive? Why is Eren like… This?" She demanded. I frowned, then sighed.

"I wish you'd found out under better circumstances." I admitted, lying down against the stone of the roof, looking up at the sky dyed orange and red in the waning sunlight. "We had every intention of bringing you here, we just had to wait till you'd finished your training." I tried to explain.

"Get to the point, Armin." She snapped, eyes narrowing. I could feel her stare.

"Well… If you remember, when Eren was sacrificed, they said that he'd been eaten by a female Titan, right?" I began. She nodded curtly, looking at me expectantly. "That was Annie. She's like Eren. She can turn into a Titan. She saved him." I offered. "Most of the people out here were saved from being sacrificed. There was a boy we used to play with, Marco? He's here too. And Jean. When I was sacrifieced, Eren saved me."

She blinked, looking down at the body in her arms. Eren sighed in his sleep, fingers twitching against mine. She returned her gaze to me.

"How is it that he becomes a Titan? And why?" She asked, pushing his bangs back in a familiar, affectionate gesture. I had to think on that one.

"Well, he triggers it, usually, by biting his hand. He has to have a goal in mind when he does it, and has to injure himself in some way, as far as I'm aware. The others are like that too." I recalled. "And I'm not sure how they got to be this way. Not even Eren knows himself. He just knows they gave him an injection." I finished. She watched me carefully for a while, maybe trying to see if I was hiding anything from her, then she sighed, reaching a hand out and ruffling my hair.

"I'm glad you're alive." She practically whispered. "Both of you." She added.

I watched her for a while, giving her the silence she probably needed to process all of the surprises she'd encountered in such a short time. And it dawned on me how much I'd truly begun to miss Mikasa. If I was being entirely honest, my feelings for her had been a bit warped by my jealousy when I'd talked to Eren about her. After all, I was vying for his attention. But now that she was before me, squeezing her only family close to her chest despite knowing of his monstrous form, one hand occasionally coming to touch me as if for reassurance, I could feel nothing but love for her.

I had begun dozing when I was startled into full alertness by a low growl, and I looked out over the edge of the building, watching the Titans retreat as Reiner's Titan form moved forward, roaring at any lingering ones, picking a few up and tossing them into the trees. I breathed a sigh of relief, glad to see he was well and in working order again.

A few minutes later, and Bertholdt came out to see us, giving a somewhat pained smile as he sat down across from me.

"Hey, Armin." He greeted, then nodded at Mikasa nervously when she turned a glare on him.

"Hi Bertl. This is Mikasa." I introduced. Realization dawned on his face, and his smile got just a little less nervous. "Are you guys feeling better now?" I wondered, squeezing Eren's fingers absently. He nodded, wiping his forehead with the sleeve of his shirt.

"It's a lot harder to maintain the form when you're fighting off soldiers." He mused, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked out towards Reiner, eyes shining in the moonlight as he simply stared for a while. "I'm just glad we survived." He admitted, turning his eyes back to me. I nodded solemnly.

"It was really close." I pointed out with a harsh gulp of air. "And…" I trailed, biting my lip until it went numb.

"Annie." He affirmed, voice just as grave as mine. I sighed, rubbing at my eyes tiredly.

"What are we going to do?" I wondered, looking up at him. He frowned, drawing his knees up against his chest.

"Well, she crystalized herself when they managed to get to her, so they won't get anything out of her, nor will they have many places they can keep her." He began. I considered that, nodding.

"Yeah… They don't know when or if she can come out, so they'd probably take her somewhere that's less risky. Somewhere underground, maybe." I guessed, looking up at him.

"She won't come out unless she knows it's safe. She can hear what people say, so it'd be as simple as telling her it was us. We have to get her back." He said simply, looking back towards Reiner again, eyes tracing his form almost anxiously, as if he thought the other would suddenly disappear if he wasn't watching carefully enough. "We won't be able to keep the Titans away with just the three of us." He added.

"Did Ymir not make it?" I questioned, eyes going wide. He blinked, then offered me another small smile.

"She and Krista are both fine. But Ymir isn't big enough to keep the Titans very far away. With Annie gone, it's going to be mostly me and Reiner." He explained with a heavy sigh. "Eren can do it, but not for long periods of time."

I looked over to Eren, still lying against Mikasa, sleeping as if he was in a bed.

"The thing about Annie was that she constantly kept that barrier up. Even when she wasn't in Titan form, the Titans wouldn't approach. But none of us can do that yet, so it's a conscious effort that we have to make. It's going to wear us out pretty fast." He admitted sheepishly.

"So, the faster we get Annie back, the better?" I supplied, running a hand through my bangs. He nodded, hugging his knees. "But how are we going to do that? She's inside the walls, by now." I pointed out. He bit his lip, closing his eyes and burying his face in his legs.

"We know. But Erwin and Levi are still unconscious, and Hanji is too busy taking care of them for any sort of plan to form."

Oh. Right. All of our ranking officials were either dead or on the edge of it, with only Hanji to give them the complicated medical attention they needed. That would explain the lack of any action.

Bertholdt could see that I was getting lost in thought, so he stood and excused himself, taking one last look out at Reiner before he went into the building, leaving me alone with Mikasa, Eren, and my thoughts.

With no one to do the thinking for the mass of people inside, we were in trouble. I knew better than to think that the sudden appearance of Titans would deter those inside the wall from launching a second attack. But moving was already dangerous in itself; Without Annie, we were in a very, very bad situation. We couldn't guarantee that the three shifters left would be able to keep the Titans far enough away to make such a huge pilgrimage, but we couldn't sit and wait either.

Truth be told, the only solution I could think of to our problem would be to retrieve Annie from inside the walls, but how would we manage that? They would be on high alert now. We'd be killed before we could even get to the wall, let alone close to where she was being kept. We didn't have inside men anymore; they knew who the traitors were.

I looked over to Eren compulsively, as if seeing him would make everything alright. But he wasn't the one that gave me the idea.

Mikasa still wore the military uniform of the enemy. I couldn't believe I even had the thought, but I did. And once it was in my mind, there was no hope of me forgetting it. Before long, she noticed my gaze, and cocked her head to the side, as if to ask me what I was thinking.

I didn't want to ask her. I'd just gotten her back. But I didn't have another choice. Not anymore.

"Mikasa, how believable would it be if you turned up at the wall tomorrow?" I asked, not looking her in the eye. She was silent, and I could practically hear my plan clicking into place in her mind. I expected her to protest, to argue that she didn't know these people and that she owed them nothing. But she didn't.

"I'm one of the better soldiers, so it's plausible, if I rough up my clothes." She replied with an air of nonchalance that shook me to my core. I looked up at her with as much determination and respect as I could.

"And how hard do you think it would be to find out where Annie is being kept?" I wondered. She thought on it for a moment.

"One of the higher officers in the Military Police seems to have taken a liking to me after watching me in training. With a bit of alcohol he'd probably tell me without me asking." Came her answer. I swallowed thickly, looking back at Eren, hoping to borrow some of his courage.

"And do you think you could get her out?" I finally inquired. She was silent, but finally, she nodded.

We stayed quiet for a while, but eventually I couldn't take it anymore.

"Mikasa, if there was any other way, I wouldn't ask this of you, but…" I began. She sighed, looking down at Eren, then she shifted his weight until he was leaning against me instead. I was about to try and talk to her as she stood, but the sound of ripping fabric cut me off. She made tear after tear in her uniform, then she took the jacket off and rubbed it against me, some of the slime still wet enough to stain it.

She put that back on and got to work wrinkling her shirt, rumpling her hair when she was done with that. She looked incredibly disheveled by the time she was done, and I watched in awe as she stepped forward, getting down on her knee before me and looking at me seriously.

"I will do this for you. In return, you must promise me something." She commanded, holding my gaze. I nodded meekly, clutching Eren in my arms. "Keep him safe until I get back." Was her demand. I took it in, then nodded quickly, brows set with determination.

"You have my word." I swore, hugging him tighter. She reached down and took the gas from my gear, trading it for her own, and before I could protest, she had jumped off the roof and sped away towards the trees.

I wished I'd sent a shifter with her to keep her safe.

I wished I'd been the one to go instead of her.

I wished it was anyone but her.

I prayed she'd make it back.

Eren began to stir in my hold, likely woken by the squeal of the gear, and he groggily blinked up at me, smiling warmly once his gaze focused, eyes lidded sleepily. He looked so comfortable, so entirely content, like he'd just had the best sleep of his life, and couldn't be happier to see me.

I cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there's a lesson to be learned from this; Never trust a character death in this story. Some are final, some are not. I had a few of you guys worried for a bit there, didn't I? Well, Levi didn't die. Frankly, his death wouldn't have served the purposes of the story. I mean, they'd be fucked without him. If he actually died, well… So would everyone else, eventually. But I wanted to make it clear that even he is human, and is subject to the same dangers, regardless of his skill level.
> 
> Someone asked for some badass Armin. Was this badass enough? Well, I hope so. My baby's growing up, learning how to kill people and stuff. Good for him.
> 
> Anyway, just for anyone who is having a hard time keeping track of the deaths of the characters that matter, they are as follows, thus far; Petra, Oluo, Erd, and Gunther are all dead, as well as Mike. Those are all the ones that have been mentioned, but it was sort of in a blur in the last chapter, because of Armin's panic and unfamiliarity with some of the people outside the walls. Just wanted to clear it up!
> 
> Alright, that's all for now. Thank you, as always, for reading. You guys have been very supportive thus far, and I really appreciate it. You all make it worth writing. If you have time, feedback is a fantastic way to spoil the author. >3>


	18. Chapter 18

Eren was livid when I eventually explained why I was crying. I couldn't blame him. I was angry with myself too. Still, it hurt when he screamed at me like that. I'd never really been on the receiving end of his rage, at least, not like this. But looking at him now, I was truly afraid of Eren.

I wrapped my arms around my knees, as if I might protect myself from his harsh words if only I made myself small enough.

It took him what felt like ages to calm down, at which point he collapsed nearby, quietly staring up at the sky. I could just barely see his tears in the moonlight, and I wanted nothing more than to wipe them away. But I'd lost that right; I had no business comforting him when I was the one causing him sorrow. I wouldn't blame him if he never wanted to see me again. I never wanted to see me again.

But, eventually, he turned to look at me. He looked defeated, opening his arms slowly and beckoning me over. I maybe should have questioned it, should have refused. Yet, all I wanted was his arms around me. I wanted to feel his warmth, wanted to hold him close. So, even though I knew that he was still mad, even though I knew he had every right to be, I shuffled over, planting myself next to him and pressing my chest against him.

I held him too tight, breathing him in, his scent enough to comfort me, even over the smell of the gunk covering my body. I shuddered when I let the breath out, toes curling in my ruined boots.

"I… I'm so sorry, Eren." I breathed, shaking. "I didn't know what else to do. We can't survive without Annie." I pointed out. I knew it would do nothing to calm his anger. If anything, it would only make him more angry. But I needed him to at least see my point.

To my surprise, he didn't lash out again. He only drew me closer. He didn't speak, barely even breathed. It was unsettling. So unlike Eren.

"E-Eren?" I stuttered, pulling back to look up at him.

He looked broken. I'd seen him depressed before, but not like this. He looked hollow. He looked like he wasn't even Eren anymore. Is this the Eren Marco was talking about? The one before I arrived? It was scary. I was afraid.

"Eren!" I called, more urgent now. His eyes flickered to me for a moment, then returned to looking at the moon, the light reflecting and making his normally forest green eyes shine an eerie white.

I pulled away entirely, staring at him, unsure of what I should do. I'd never dealt with Eren in this state, and I didn't know where to begin. He was unresponsive to my words, would barely look at me. He didn't even comment when I extracted myself. Was I losing him? Had I already lost him? Now I was crying even harder.

"Eren, please, don't do this, please." I begged, my vision quickly getting blurry. He still didn't reply. "No, please, I need you. I can't do this by myself!" I sobbed, shaking his shoulders a little too roughly. But that seemed to do the trick, for he snapped back to attention, batting my hands away.

"Don't shake me, Armin!" He hissed, clumsily getting up and stumbling towards the door that would let him into the building. I watched him go, caught somewhere between relief to see him responsive again, and upset that he'd brushed me off like that. I deserved it though. Honestly, I couldn't complain even if he came back, picked me up, and threw me off the side of the castle. I'd done something much worse.

After a few seconds of silent despair, I got up and followed him into the building. I wanted to catch up with him, to hold his hand, to lead him to a bed and just cuddle until Mikasa got back. To hope that Mikasa came back. But I knew it was unwanted. So, instead, I walked until I found where most of the people were gathered, letting a worried looking Marco lead me to a room where he sat me down.

He paused, looking at me, opening his mouth like he wished to say something, then closing it and leaving the room.

I looked around, making note of the scant furniture. Really, just a stool and a small shelf with a few bottles on it. Oh.

I began to strip, tossing the ruined clothing into a corner of the room to be forgotten. Marco returned a few minutes later, weighed down with a couple buckets of water. He sat them down before me, then dropped a rag into one, soaking it before bringing it up and getting to work on my chest.

I normally would have protested the help. I was able bodied and could have done it myself. But I was just so exhausted, both physically and mentally. I just wanted to sleep for a few years. Marco had clearly picked up on my weariness, for he continued gently scrubbing away the grime.

"What happened with Eren?" He asked softly as he lifted one of my arms. "I saw him just before you came, and he looked livid." He added. I sighed, watching my toes intently as I curled and uncurled them, as if that could prolong the inevitable.

"I…" I began, thinking on my words. "I did something terrible." I finally offered, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. Marco only hummed, lifting my other arm.

"And he's angry at you?" He guessed. I heaved another sigh, and he smiled sheepishly. "Alright, well, that's pretty obvious. But how bad is it?" He prompted.

"…It's really bad." I replied, earning another thoughtful hum from him.

"Do you think you deserve the anger?" He wondered. I winced, nodding. He pursed his lips, dumping some water on my head and then scrubbing some soap into my hair, careful not to get his mechanical limbs too wet.

"Well, whatever you did, it must have been pretty terrible." He agreed, and I felt tears pricking at my eyes again. I couldn't handle having another of my best friends angry at me. Not now.

He smiled softly.

"But it'll be alright." He added, tilting my head up to look at him. He looked sincere. "He'll forgive you."

That seemed far-fetched to me, but Marco looked very confident in his assumption. And I wanted to believe him, more than anything.

"He loves you, Armin. He just needs some time to wrap his mind around things. Not everyone can be as sharp as you are." He pointed out, dumping more water over my head, rinsing the soap out. I already smelled a lot better, but he went for a second round, scrubbing me again, just in case.

I felt comforted, to say the least. Eren did love me. He'd told me as much. And I loved Eren. Even if I was a terrible person, even if he was a monster… We'd get through it. We were stronger than this. Still, it was my fault, and I took that blame whole-heartedly. I deserved it.

"But… I need him." I whimpered, looking up through my dripping bangs at him, as if he could offer guidance. All he could do was give me a sad frown, then he wrapped me in his arms, suds and all. I let myself melt into his embrace, resting my forehead against his shoulder as I slowly broke down into sobs and hiccups.

He patted my back and stroked my damp hair till I tired myself out, then he finished washing me and wrapped me in a towel. He disappeared for a few minutes, returning with a set of clothes that he helped me into, then he hefted me up into his arms, not arguing when I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face into the crook, sniffling quietly as he took me away from the room.

I didn't watch as he walked, my eyes closed as I tried not to let any more tears fall. But he was walking for a while before he finally toed a door, nudging it open before entering.

"Marco, where-Oh."

Jean. Marco had brought me to what had probably been dubbed their room for the night. It was still too dangerous for everyone to return to their own homes, so everyone was probably hunkering down in the castle for the time being.

I unburied myself, sweeping my eyes over the room. Jean was standing next to a pile of blankets on the floor, only closing his mouth when we locked eyes and he realized it had been gaping. But he wasn't the only one in the room; Bertholdt was already dozing in another pile of blankets, and I saw a few other lumps in the other corners.

Jean looked up to Marco, and I witnessed something of a silent conversation between the two, then Marco shuffled over to the pile, gently setting me down, then getting in next to me. He pulled one of the blankets over us after pulling it out from under my body.

After we got settled, Jean scooted in on my other side, sandwiching me between their bodies, his arm hesitantly draping over me so he could still hold onto Marco. Marco did the same, and I found myself hopelessly enveloped in their embraces. But it was definitely needed at that point, seeing as all I wanted in the world was the comfort of Eren's arms. Of course, I knew they weren't Eren's arms, but they'd have to do as substitutes, for the time being.

It was hard, but I eventually found sleep between them, doing my best to ignore the pain and dread in my body and heart.

-.-.-+-.-.-

I woke, sweating and miserable. I was comfortable, but the boys sleeping on either side of me were both very warm. And the temperature in the room had steadily risen as we all slept, probably due to the multiple, heat-producing bodies inside. Regardless of the reason, I was much too hot to sleep.

Careful not to wake either teen, I wriggled my way out of the blankets, standing up and breathing a sigh of relief as I instantly felt cooler air seeping into my sweat-damp shirt. Marco stirred a bit, but only enough to shuffle closer to Jean, closing the gap where my body had just been. He smacked his lips softly, nuzzling into the other boy's chest before falling back into the softest of snores.

Having successfully escaped, I quietly left the room, padding down the hallway with my bare feet, looking about idly. It was mostly silent, the only sound being the loudest of snores coming from a few of the doors I passed. But the closer I got to the main part of the castle, the more awake it seemed to be. I passed a few soldiers of ours. They merely nodded as I passed them, clearly recognizing me from training, or simply having seen me around.

I walked towards the dining hall, and, after a bit of searching, found the source of a lovely smell I encountered upon entering. It turned out it was coffee, and though I'd never actually been fond of the drink, I took some from the lady handing it out. As it would turn out, I was far from the only person that couldn't sleep.

I took a seat next to Ymir, neither of us saying a word as we sipped at the barely-hot, too-bitter drink we'd been giving, as if it might make the situation more clear, might give us some sort of hope.

"How is Historia?" I finally asked. She took another big drink of the coffee, setting it down and staring at the wall for a while.

"She's… Well, she's alright. Not injured or anything." She offered. I nodded.

"So, she's about as alright as we are?" I guessed. She barked a laugh, then nodded.

"I guess you could say that." She agreed. I'd never talked much with Ymir, but I got the feeling that maybe we could get along after all.

We were quiet again for a while, then she collapsed against the table we were sitting at, sighing.

"She got pissed off at me. Slapped me." She professed. I listened, sympathy rising up immediately. Eren hadn't hit me, but he might as well have.

Ymir glared at the wall, as if it had personally offended her. Maybe it had.

"I mean, I fucking deserved it, but I never thought she'd slap me." She grumbled, rubbing her cheek. It was a little red, now that I was looking at it. With only minimal hesitation, I gave her back a gentle pat, retreating quickly lest she suddenly turn on me. But she only sighed, turning her head so she could look at me.

"How did you fuck up?" She asked.

I managed my first smile in what felt like days.

"I knowingly sent his sister off to what could quite possibly be her death." I replied.

She was quiet for a long moment, just staring at me dumbly. Then she snickered. Then she cackled.

Pretty much everyone in the room turned to look at her, and I couldn't exactly blame them. She appeared quite mad in that moment, doubled over with loud laughs, ones she had no hopes of suppressing any time soon. But she wasn't even trying, her mouth open wide as she succumbed to near hysterics.

When she finally calmed down, she wiped some moisture from her eyes, still snickering occasionally.

"Oh man, you really fucked up." She announced, and I sighed, still in a better mood than I had been.

"I know. I just… I didn't really have a choice." I explained. She nodded, sobering quickly.

"I didn't either. She's pissed because I kept killing the enemy soldiers, even when they started running away." She clarified, picking idly at her nails now that her coffee was gone.

Well, I could sort of see why Historia wouldn't like that. But then, I could see Ymir's point of view on it too. Technically, the more enemies she killed, the less would be there to attack us next time. Still, those were human lives she was taking, and that was a little troublesome.

"I think you two will make up. You just need to see each other's point of view." I promised. She narrowed her eyes at me, and I held my hands up in surrender. "I'm just saying, you both have valid points. If you just acknowledge that fact, then you can't really stay angry at each other."

She pondered that, then sighed.

"Alright blondie. I've been down here sucking down coffee for hours, and I think it's about time I gave up and got some sleep. Thanks for the advice. Here's mine; Don't get your boyfriend's sister killed." She called, waving as she abandoned her cup and headed down the hall for whatever room she was sleeping in.

I sighed once she'd left, staring down into my own empty cup.

"Believe me, if I could take it back, I would. I'd go instead." I swore into the cup, hearing a soft echo. But I knew that it was a lie. What good would it do for me to go in her place? I wouldn't get past the walls. At least Mikasa had a chance of actually doing something. I could only hope she was as skilled as she seemed. But she'd said to take care of Eren until she got back.

Until she got back.

She had every intention of coming back.

That, at least, was a small comfort. I let it be, anyway, as I got up and had the lady fill my cup again, hopping up into a windowsill and looking out at the ground as I forced the black drink past my lips. There wasn't anything moving outside, and I couldn't find Reiner with my eyes, so I ended up just watching the tree line idly, as if maybe it might suddenly change shape.

-.-.-+-.-.-

I only realized I'd dozed back off again when someone shook my shoulders. They did it gently, but I still startled awake, dropping my tin cup to the floor. It clattered, the sound echoing off the walls, making it seem even louder. Well, at least it had been empty.

Once I was sure I hadn't spilled on myself, I looked up, eyes locking with vivid green ones. I could have cried, seeing the life thriving in them again instead of the pale coldness of the moon. Eren looked down at the ground for a moment, then back up at me, opening his arms.

I hopped from the windowsill, nearly knocking him over with my urgent need to press myself against his chest. He held me tightly, one hand tangling in my hair, the other wrapped securely around my waist. The way his fingers dug in, I worried we might never separate, but decided that wouldn't be so bad.

When he did finally let me go, he gave me a pointed look.

"I'm still angry with you." He growled, causing me to shrink in on myself. But he sighed a moment later, pulling me to him and pressing a kiss to my lips.

"But I love you." He added, kissing me again.

That was what I needed to hear. That was all I needed to hear.

"M-Me too!" I swore, getting up on my toes to give him a better kiss, going in a little too hard. But he didn't complain, simply holding onto my waist to make sure neither of us fell.

It took some coaxing, but he got me to follow him into a room, set up similarly to the one I'd been in with Jean and Marco, and he pulled me into an unoccupied pile of cloth, doing his best to get us both comfortable before tugging me closer, his body heat mixed with the still warm, early-autumn air enough to make up for a lack of blankets.

I wanted to apologize again. I wanted to make things better for us. I wanted to ease his mind. I wanted to bring Mikasa back. But I couldn't. I wasn't that strong.

So I lay still instead, his head resting on my chest and hand against my stomach, stroking his hair gently until he fell asleep. Feeling the weight of his body against mine worked wonders for my nerves. Knowing that he couldn't find it in himself to hate me, even though I deserved it, allowed me some peace. I kissed his hair, glad I could offer him at least a small amount of comfort. Because that's all I could do. Comfort him. Tell him that Mikasa would definitely be back. Make sure that he was safe, and that he knew he was loved, and that he meant the world to me. It's what I was best at. I could comfort him.

But who would comfort me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is super-duper late, and I am super-duper sorry! It's been… wow, literally a month! I know I suck, but all of my stories went on a sudden hiatus thanks to several events. I had one every weekend for three weeks! And during the weekdays, I was busy sewing away at costumes. But now I'm done with all of my cons until at least August, and I look forward to focusing on my writing a bit more again!
> 
> Apologies aside, I just wanted to say thanks once again for all of the positive feedback thus far. You guys have been great; Super supportive. I couldn't ask for more from an audience. I only hope that you guys are still hanging in there as I figure out how I'm going to wrap this up. I've got a few ideas, and I'd like to get this one finished sometime soon. This really wasn't supposed to be so long, but I sort of lost control, and here we are, nearing 20 chapters.
> 
> Ah, such is my life. I'll get it figured out though. You guys are free to let me know what you'd like to see from this story before it completes though. I love to hear from you guys.
> 
> Anyway, it's back to writing for me. Thanks, as always, for reading, and feedback is appreciated, if you have the time. Till next chapter~
> 
> KuroRiya
> 
> 九六りや


	19. Chapter 19

I could tell that I was in his arms without even opening my eyes. I could feel his chest rising against mine, could feel his fingers resting against my waist. It struck me as odd that I was waking up that way though; It was so rare that we actually got the chance to see each other in the morning. Either he or I would have some sort of obligation to take care of before the sun had even come up, so we had to settle for half-asleep goodbyes.

Because of that, it was something of a treat to wake up to Erwin. I'd never admit it, of course, but having him there in the morning was a comfort. I didn't have to worry about his safety if I was curled up against his side. And it was nice to spend even just a few minutes just lying together. We were usually so pressed for time that we were lucky to exchange a few words, let alone tender moments.

My body was sore. All over. But I couldn't recall, for the life of me, why. Had we fucked the night before? I assumed I'd remember agreeing to something like that, though. And besides that, we could hardly afford to do something like that. We both needed to be in our best shape to deal with the shit storm we both knew was coming, and soon.

But what other reason could there be for so many aching muscles?

With a low whine that I was already sort of embarrassed about, I cracked an eye open, letting my vision focus for a moment. I had been right about Erwin; I was pressed up against his side, his arm wrapped loosely against my back. I opened my other eye, looking up at him. He shifted to look down, stupidly intense blue eyes meeting mine.

"If you were awake, you should have gotten me up too." I grumbled, stretching my legs and letting my toes curl a few times. He smiled that annoyingly charming smile, hand snaking upward to tousle my hair. What an obnoxious habit.

"I'd say you earned the rest." He mused, his voice a deep rumble, one that, embarrassingly, never failed to send shivers down my spine.

"Oh?" I bit, moving closer despite my tone. He nodded, fingers still tangling idly with my hair. It felt like they were meeting some resistance, which meant my hair must have been filthy. How disgusting.

"I think being eaten by a Titan warrants a good rest." He offered.

That made me blink, pausing in the motion I was making to kiss his jaw. What?

"Eaten by… A Titan?" I repeated. Again, he nodded, as if what he just confirmed wasn't the most insane thing that's ever come out of his mouth. Me? Eaten by a Titan? What a shitty joke. That was, quite simply, impossible. Especially considering I was very much alive and well, still pressed to his side. Had he entirely lost his mind?

Then again, upon paying attention, I did smell a lot shittier than I normally did. Which still wasn't as bad as the majority of the idiots I worked with, but still worse than I'd like to admit. Was Erwin serious?

"If I was eaten by a fucking Titan, then what the hell am I doing here?" I demanded. Erwin smiled wryly, and I wanted to punch him in his stupid handsome face.

"From what I've heard, Arlert saved you." He replied, the irritating laugh already present in his voice.

"…I've gone to hell." I decided. "If I'm waking up next to you telling me that Arlert, Armin fucking Arlert, cut me out of a Titan, that is the only explanation. Well, get on with it, then." I commanded. He quirked a bushy brow. One day I'd pluck those damn things.

"Get on with what, exactly?" He asked.

"The torture." I supplied.

He barked a laugh, and I hated myself for thinking that it suited him. Erwin needed to take a break, for fuck's sake. I hadn't seen him laugh in too long.

"I'm afraid the closest I can come to that would be more cuddling." He said, feigning remorse like a damn expert. I groaned, already knowing he'd give it to me, whether I consented or not. That's just the way Erwin was.

He pulled me closer, shifting so he was on his side, so our chests were pressed together. Well, more like my face was pressed into his. I was only really long enough to reach about that high anyway. I inhaled through my nose, Erwin's smell overtaking the shitty Titan smell I was apparently covered in. Fuck that nasty shit. I needed a bath.

"You smell like piss." I informed him, with every ounce of romanticism I could muster. I felt his chest shake with chuckles.

"Ever the charmer, Levi." He shot back, kissing my forehead. "You don't smell much better."

I made something akin to a noise of protest, scooting closer anyway and curling my arms underneath his, hoping to anchor myself that way so we could remain pressed as close together as possible. Yet, once we'd settled this way, I realized that something didn't feel quite right. Was he holding his arm up or something? It felt oddly light.

"The fuck?" I mumbled, pulling back just enough to look.

I was speechless for a long while, then I shot away, straight out of the bed. I was panting, panicking. I didn't panic often, but-

"Shit!" I hissed, glaring at the appendage that had startled me. Or, rather, glaring at the stark lack thereof.

"An eloquent way of putting it." Erwin said with a smirk.

"Well I'm so fucking glad that you're already over your shock, asshole!" I growled. "I, on the other hand, am going to fucking freak out now."

His smirk became something more akin to a sad smile.

"You know I'm not good at dealing with this sort of thing." He admitted, beckoning me back over to the bed. I hesitated for a moment, still staring at the bandaged stump that had once been a powerful arm. But I eventually sat down next to him. "I'm much better at pretending to be fine."

I scoffed, directing my glare at the wall instead.

"That's a shitty way of living." I argued. He smiled, the one arm he had left forcing my face in his direction.

"No worse than pretending I don't care." He retorted. And I couldn't argue. Because he was right.

We sat in silence, eyes locked, then I sighed.

"I'll make you a deal." I offered, and he quirked a brow to show his interest. "I'll stop pretending I don't care for a few minutes if you'll stop pretending you're fine."

He was quiet for a moment, then he sighed, carefully sweeping me back into a laying position, cradling my body against his side. I wondered, in that moment, if I'd grown, or if I was simply hallucinating the sudden smallness he seemed to exude.

"It's hard for me to let down that wall. If I admit that I'm not fine, then how can I hope to proceed?" He wondered, voice sounding lost. I shrugged, finally pressing that kiss to his jaw.

"You'll figure it out. Even if you're mostly all talk, you're actually pretty strong. You'll get back up." I promised. He let out just one, small laugh.

"Such faith you seem to have. You underestimate the weakness of man." He said. It struck me as a little odd, the way he said it. It didn't feel like he was just talking about himself anymore.

I dwelled on that too long, and the moment was gone before I could properly address it. Oh well.

"What the hell even happened?" I demanded, eyeing the injury again. He suddenly became stiff against me, posture rigid even against the mattress. He didn't speak. My eyes narrowed. "Erwin?"

He still didn't reply. I sat up, looking down at him. I could tell from his expression that he didn't want to tell me. But I wasn't about to leave it.

"Don't fucking ignore me. What happened to your arm?" I snarled. He looked from me, to the ceiling, back again, then he sighed.

"I… Failed to protect you." He rasped, eyes darting back to mine, holding my gaze.

It clicked.

"You didn't-" I began, anger already rising up in my stomach. It felt like I needed to vomit. Disgusting.

"I couldn't very well-" He tried, but I cut him off, standing up and curling my fingers into fists.

"You SWORE you would never risk yourself like that for me!" I roared. He didn't look guilty. "You SWORE that you'd put humanity first!"

He turned to look out of the sole window, the sky outside dark. Then a soft smile came to his lips.

"I lied." He offered.

It diffused my anger. It should have made me more angry, and I knew that. But I felt so defeated just then. And I knew why: I'd do the same thing. Humans are such incomprehensible creatures. We know, in our minds, that we must work for the greater good. Yet, when it comes down to a true choice, we almost always let affection win out over reason.

I would have been better off not loving this man. He would have been better off not loving me. Yet, here we found ourselves. I was covered in the most disgusting scum of the earth, and he was missing an arm. Because of me. Because of him.

"You're a fucking idiot." I barked, rubbing at my temples. They were covered in a thin coat of something that flaked when I rubbed at it. My lip curled. "I'm going to wash off." I announced, trudging towards the door.

"You'll come back?" He wondered. His voice still rumbled, but it sounded strangely timid to me. Like he was just waiting for me to leave the room so he could cry and clean himself back up before I got back. He was frightened. I was too.

"Do you even have to ask?" I threw back, looking over my shoulder. He smiled, pretending like he was fine again. I nodded, taking my leave, pretending I didn't care again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Insert random Levi POV. It'll tide the readers over until I actually write a chapter. Flawless plan.
> 
> So, as you guys can probably surmise, I'm sort of behind. It's my own fault, but I felt bad for leaving you hanging so long, so here's something of a filler. We'll be back to Armin next chapter, promise.
> 
> This part isn't really necessary to the plot, but it's sort of like a special cookie, you know? Well, I hope you guys at least enjoyed it a little. For now, I must get back to work. Thanks for reading!


	20. Chapter 20

The general fear and anticipation that fell over the entire castle in the days that followed the battle was tangible and stagnant. No one was quite sure what to do with themselves. We were torn between lingering and fleeing.

Once the two had woken up, I'd informed Erwin and Levi of Mikasa's mission to retrieve Annie. While we all had to agree that it was basically hopeless, most who knew Mikasa were in her favor. Jean, in particular, made us aware of the fact that she'd already been dubbed the best of the generation, and was rumored to rival Levi in abilities.

While that was up for debate, it kept us waiting, carefully watching for any subsequent attacks that might befall us. It seemed strange to us that we'd yet to have to deal with another, but it could be that those within the walls simply assumed we'd been wiped out by the Titans. That, or they were too scared of meeting that fate again to try again.

It was hard for us to do much more than wait. With Erwin recovering and Levi doting on him, the only ranking officer we had left was Hanji, and they were much too busy with the wounded to do much leading. While we were all sure that someone would step up should the need arise, we didn't really want to pull them from their individual tasks unless it was really necessary.

I wound up seeing a lot of Levi and Erwin. It wasn't really something I sought, but I felt sort of obligated to check on them when I had the free time. And while they didn't seem that different when we were talking, I could tell that something had shifted between them. The way they treated each other had changed enough for me to notice, and I wondered what exactly transpired when I wasn't with them. But then, it wasn't really my business.

The rest of my time was mostly devoted to helping Hanji care for the injured. Once, such a job might have made me squeamish, but, between having to doctor up Mikasa and myself when I lived with her, and having gone against a few Titans, I'd earned a tougher stomach. By the third person I worked with, I'd mastered stiches and blocking out the sounds people made when I gave them.

Eren didn't handle the sick bay well, though. And, beyond that, he was needed for patrolling. Without Annie, we were forced to send them out one at a time. Reiner and Bertholdt were obviously miserable, not getting to see much of each other. Their only time to spend together was whenever Eren was patrolling, and by then, they were both too tired to do much but eat and sleep.

I felt bad, but we didn't have much of a choice. Unless Mikasa brought Annie back, we'd have to live like that until someone else offered to become a Titan shifter.

The thought had crossed my mind, but Eren, as if he'd sensed it, quickly talked me out of it.

His argument was that I was better suited to using my mind. Everyone always said that, but I wondered if I was really as clever as people liked to tell me I was. But, beyond that, he added that it wouldn't even matter at first; Most shifters apparently had some trouble controlling themselves when they first changed. It had taken Eren nearly a year to learn how, and he said that I'd be more of a danger to the people I was trying to protect than to the Titans.

It was still on my mind, but I opted to listen to Eren, for once in my life. Even if just to appease him. And it seemed to work, for he kissed me to sleep that night.

After three days, we were all starting to get doubtful. We all wanted to hope, but in a world like ours, it was hard to. Everyone, especially all of the outcasts living outside of the walls, knew that life was cruel at best, and that hope was hard to have and easy to dash.

So, by the time that she actually returned, everyone was equal parts astonished. So astonished, in fact, that word didn't get around for a few minutes. And even then, Eren and I weren't the first to know. We didn't hear about it until a small crowd had already gathered.

I probably should have been excited to see not only Mikasa but Annie as well, but all I could do was cry. I don't think I've ever felt so relieved as I did in that moment. To see her alive, to know I hadn't sent her to her death; It was more than I could have asked for.

And, not only that, but she'd actually managed to get to Annie. That was, honestly, more than I'd let myself hope for. But there she was, walking and talking, albeit looking pretty tired. Bertholdt actually pushed his way through the crowd, holding her at arm's length for a moment before crushing her to his chest.

Annie awkwardly returned the embrace, her face pressed uncomfortably right between Bertholdt's stomach and ribcage. It hadn't ever dawned on me just how small she was, but still, she was the one patting Bertholdt's back to comfort him.

I wanted to be comforted too, but I put it aside, not arguing as Eren shot forward and physically tackled Mikasa to the ground. I was surprised she actually fell, but maybe she'd seen that it was Eren. Regardless, they sort of wound up just being a pile of limbs for several minutes. And no one bothered them, everyone too giddy with relief. Most of the crowd dispersed to spread the news, and Annie herself went to tell Erwin and Levi.

I didn't even bother trying to extract Eren from Mikasa, sitting down next to them and waiting while they held each other and sniffled a little more than either of them cared to admit. I smiled, even if I was still fighting with the relieved tears.

Jealousy swirled in my stomach, of course. I hated myself for letting it, but I wished Eren would be that excited to see me. I had to settle with the fact that he at least wouldn't hate me for killing his sister. That was something, to be sure. And, honestly, he had doted on me when I first arrived. I reminded myself not to be bitter.

When they finally parted, Eren suggested we all go inside. In his mind, it was apparently a good idea to introduce Mikasa to the higher ups. I could see where that would be a bad idea, seeing as Levi and Mikasa hadn't exactly gotten off on the right foot. But, if she was going to be living with us, it was sort of a rite of passage.

I led the way to Erwin's room, knocking three times and waiting. It was Levi's voice that gave us permission to enter, and I opened the door slowly. Apparently, Annie had already taken her leave, for the room was quiet and devoid of anyone but the two that took residence.

Erwin was awake, and looking better than he had the past few days. He'd been fighting a fever for a while, and it was apparent that it was still a battle, for there was a basin of water and a rag next to his bed. Levi quirked one of his thin brows at me, waiting for an explanation.

I'd noticed that Levi had started treating me with a little more respect. I assumed it was because I'd been the one to help him, but I really wasn't prepared for the special treatment. I didn't feel like he owed me anything. I'd just been in the right place at the right time.

It wasn't anything big, but it seemed that he'd actually pay attention when I spoke now, and he didn't glare at me quite as hard. And, when I had something to say, he'd wait to comment till I was finished. Though I didn't feel entitled to it, I was glad for it. To say it was nice would be an understatement, considering how hard Levi glares.

I gestured towards Mikasa, and his eyes darted her way, narrowing as he recognized her.

"Sir, this is Mikasa Ackerman." I began, trying to distract him from the staring match they were having. He glanced back at me, but was quick to return to Mikasa. I smiled nervously, unsure what else I could do. "She's the one I sent-"

"To get Leonhardt. I know." He finished for me. Mikasa glared right back at him, arm linked protectively with Eren's.

I was surprised when it was Levi that backed off first. But honestly, he looked tired. The sigh that accompanied his defeat was proof enough of that. The bags under his eyes seemed especially dark, and his hair was even starting to look a little unkempt. It was strange to see him that way, but I had started to see that he was a mess over Erwin.

At first, it hadn't really dawned on me. Maybe I was slow on the uptake, but I got the feeling that no one really had any idea. Levi loved Erwin. It was becoming clear from the way he wouldn't move from his side, and the way he made sure his compress was always cold, and how he'd hold the hand Erwin still had when he didn't think anyone could see. And for Levi, knowing that Erwin had lost his arm for him, it must have been torture.

"Find her a room for tonight. Now that Leonhardt's back, we'll be moving soon. Probably sometime tomorrow." He said, waving in my general direction.

"Tomorrow? Why so soon?" Eren asked, his eyes wide. I patted his shoulder.

"Mikasa broke Annie out. That's not something that they won't notice. They might have thought we'd been wiped out by the Titans when they retreated, but we wouldn't have bothered going for Annie if we weren't out here. Chances are, they're planning another attack, and soon." I explained. Levi nodded, pursing his lips.

"It's going to be tough with all of the wounded, but we can't stay here. The further away we get, the less chance there is of them pursuing. We're just going to have to settle somewhere new. It's not going to be easy. Hope you brats are ready." He warned.

After a bit of chatting about what our responsibilities were the next day, we excused ourselves. Mikasa still looked stiff, but at least they hadn't attacked each other or anything. As long as they were civil to each other, then we could make it work.

Eren led the way to our room, deciding for the three of us that it was time for bed. As much as he was yawning, I didn't want to argue, but Mikasa was looking haggard, and after sharing a short look with her, one that I knew how to read better than I thought I would, I stopped Eren in his tracks.

"Eren, I'm sure that Mikasa wants to clean up a bit before bed." I said. He blinked, looking Mikasa over as if he hadn't seen her before, then his nose crinkled.

"Oh… Yeah. You smell kind of bad." He agreed. She glared, but didn't argue. I finally smiled. It was a small moment, but it had felt just like when we were kids. I waited till Mikasa was done making Eren feel small, then offered her a smile.

"I'll take you to a washroom." I offered, and she nodded, sparing Eren one more glance before following behind me.

I wished I had something I could say to her, but nothing sounded appropriate in my mind. I wanted to apologize, but also to thank her. I wanted to tell her how thankful I was that she'd made it back, that she'd saved us, that she'd survived for Eren. But my stomach also churned with the sickening truth. Some part of me, very small but still existent, resented that she'd come. That she was taking Eren away.

That part of me scared me. I'd never been that sort of person, and had never planned to be. But I couldn't deny the bitterness rising. I was happy to see her, but I was also miffed. It was a strange mix. Every time she looked at me, I was flooded with relief and affection. Because, truly, I did love Mikasa as something akin to family. Yet, when I looked at Eren with her… It wasn't happiness that swelled up.

I'd brought her to one of the rooms with the drains. We'd taken to keeping buckets of water in there for bathing, and you were supposed to replace them when you used them. I could only take her as far as the door, though, for I knew that other girls were in there. Thankfully, Annie showed up at the same time, apparently wanting to wash off as well.

I smiled at her, and she nodded in my direction.

"Hi, Annie." I greeted. "I know you must be tired too, but would you mind helping Mikasa? Just to find things, you know?" I hoped. She looked from me to Mikasa and back, then nodded, gesturing towards the door. Mikasa followed her in.

"Mikasa, do you think you can find your way back to the room?" I called.

"Yes." Was the reply. I nodded to myself, turning on my heel to head back to the room myself.

The walk was rather uneventful, but not as quiet as I expected. Apparently, Annie's return had made quite a topic of gossip, and the place was practically buzzing with muffled chatter. I didn't really mind though, it was sort of comforting, hearing so many voices.

When I opened the door to the room, I found Eren busy trying to make our pile of blankets look as big and comfortable as possible. He looked up when I entered, but went back to work as soon as he'd seen it was me. I rolled my eyes, sitting down in the middle of the blankets he was trying to spread. He groaned, shoving me gently. I giggled.

"It's going to be cramped." I commented, rolling over on my stomach. He tried shoving me again, to no avail.

"And warm." He added. I sighed.

"I am not sleeping in the middle."

He laughed, giving up on straightening the blankets and joining me in the middle, pressing a kiss to my nose. It crinkled where his lips had touched.

"When we move to the new place, we'll make sure it has enough bedrooms, so she can have her own." He promised, kissing my lips this time instead. That made me feel a lot better than it ought to have.

"Alright." I agreed, rolling over to lay on my back. He took the opportunity to climb on top of me, looking down with a grin. I quirked a brow.

"Are you suddenly not mad at me?" I wondered. Sure, Mikasa was back, but I'd still been the one to send her away. His smile only got wider.

"Nope!"

Well, that was a pretty simple makeup.

"You should be." I pointed out, arms reaching up to wrap around his shoulders anyway, pulling him closer until I could press kisses to his lips without trouble. His smile stayed in place.

"Too bad." He replied, pushing down until I was trapped against the blankets, and he poked his tongue out. I was too excited that he wanted me again to protest, eagerly opening my mouth for him and leaning back.

It had started out sort of feverish, but eventually we slowed to something almost lazy. We needed to relearn each other, seeing as it'd been so long since we'd had time to ourselves. Everyone was so busy gossiping that we were alone in the room, and it would seem that Eren had every intention of taking advantage of that.

I wasn't prepared to feel his hips rolling into mine, and it startled me enough that I yelped. He paused, looking down at me in surprise, almost as if he thought he'd hurt me. But when he saw nothing was amiss aside from a rather heavy flush, he went back to work kissing me, hesitating a moment before he tried rolling his hips again.

This time, with a little more warning, I only moaned into his mouth, my face feeling hotter and hotter as I realized what exactly was going on. I'd snuck a few peaks at books not meant for children in my life, and I had a pretty good idea where this was going. The part I was having trouble with was deciding if I wanted to stop, or if I wanted to ride it out and see what happened.

The latter eventually won out as Eren shifted, slotting our hips together at a better angle, and some strange, garbled whine came out of me.

He'd already worked me out of my pants and had his fingers wrapped around the base by the time my sense caught up.

"E-Eren!" I cried, shying away too little too late. He blinked, as if what he was doing was completely innocent, as if he wasn't stroking me as I tried to talk. It was hard to concentrate on words when he was doing that. "Mikasa will-" I began, but he only shook his head.

"Be in the washroom for at least an hour. You know how she is." He interrupted, reclaiming the little distance I had managed to put between our bodies with a smile.

I bit my lip, looking at the door nervously.

"Someone else might-"

"They aren't stupid. They'd just walk right back out." He argued. And he had a point, as much as I hated to admit it.

"But-" I trailed. He sighed, halting his movements for a moment.

"Armin, if you don't want to, then I'll stop." He promised, looking up and catching my eyes with his. "But don't protest if you don't mean it." He added.

I swallowed. My body wanted him, obviously. Well, my mind wanted him too. But the thought of getting walked in on was enough to have me unsure. It wasn't something I ever wanted to deal with. He waited while I debated. When I finally came to my conclusion, I looked back up at him.

"A-alright. But… We can't… You know. Not too much." I said, nervousness showing in my stutter and my blush. He nodded.

"That's fine. Do me too?" He proposed, taking my hand and guiding it to his own pants. I took a deep breath, then complied, carefully pushing my fingers between the hem of his pants and his skin, pulling gently until the fabric gave and slid down, just enough for me to pull him out and return the favor.

If anyone walked by the room, I'm sure they were mortified. As it turns out, I'm louder than I'd like to admit, and Eren is a just as loud as one might expect. But no one said anything, and Mikasa didn't come back from her bath until long after we'd cleaned ourselves up and changed clothes.

It was a little strange, letting her get into the bed that we'd just done something like that in, but I knew she and Eren wouldn't have it any other way, so I slipped into my side without a word, waiting for them to get comfortable. They were in their respective places, but their fingers were laced near Eren's head. I frowned in jealousy, but tried to put it from my mind.

I had to remind myself that he hadn't seen his sister in years. I had to remind myself that he'd missed her horribly, and that it was only natural that they'd want to be close.

But it was hard. I wanted to hold his hand. And I knew that he wouldn't push me away if I took it, but I wasn't sure if it would really be wanted.

He snapped me out of my thoughts, easily pulling me closer, shuffling me until my head was on his chest. I heard his heart pick up in pace as my ear pressed against it, and his hand rested comfortably on my waist.

My jealousy melted away as he pressed a kiss to my hair, squeezing me softly before he settled in for sleep. Maybe we could make this work after all. I would make sure of it, for Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so hard to write, oh my gosh. It felt wrong to me the entire time, but I don't want to keep you guys waiting any longer. Sorry if my struggle is evident, I tried to get it out in a way that was at least a little pleasant. Well, regardless, here it is.
> 
> I think part of the problem I'm having is that it's time to wrap this story up. I dragged it out as far as I think I can without it becoming tedious for both myself and the readers. So I'd say you can expect one more chapter, and an epilogue.
> 
> On the bright side, though, that means I can start a new story! I don't know what I'll wind up working on, but I always come up with something.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading, and thank you all so much for all the comments, kudos, reviews, favorites, and the like! They really make my day! Feedback is always appreciated, but, regardless, thank you!
> 
> Till next time!
> 
> KuroRiya
> 
> 九六りや


	21. Chapter 21

As Levi had said, we were woken up early and told to get packing. Everyone, with the exception of Bertholdt, who was on patrol, rushed to where they'd once lived, or whatever was left of it, and began packing away the things they couldn't be without.

For Eren and I, there wasn't much. I took a few books, but only what I could comfortably carry. The rest were stacked neatly for the next person to find. Or maybe we could come back to get them some day. The rest of my new bag was filled with clothes, dishes, and food. Eren and Mikasa both carried bags with similar contents, and we set them down next to Jean and Marco.

Once all of us were ready, we were put to work helping the civilians. They were much less eager to part with their belongings, and many had to be urged to leave unnecessary or heavy things behind. It was already getting dark by the time we were finally ready to start moving.

Bertholdt rested, and Reiner and Annie took over, one in front of us, one behind, everyone else in the middle walking at a steady pace. A pace that we had to push them for.

Titans were less active at night, and with the two shifters keeping them at bay, we hadn't run into any issues. But we had a long few days ahead of us, and we all knew it. It was important to put as much distance between us and our old home as possible, as soon as possible. We could slow down after we'd made progress.

Eren, Mikasa and I rode behind Levi and Erwin. Erwin had his good arm around Levi's narrow waist, much like mine were around Eren's. They were both quiet, letting Hanji give the orders when they were needed. It was obvious that they were tired. Erwin was still recovering, and I got the feeling that Levi's leg was suffering from more than just a little sprain, not to mention all the worrying he'd been doing over Erwin's condition. To have them on a horse at all was a miracle.

Mikasa fit in well, as it turned out. She rode beside Eren and I for the most part, on Annie's horse. When it was Annie's turn for a break, she was supposed to share. We were too short on horses for everyone to have their own, so the poor beasts were tasked with carrying at least two people each.

Despite that, we were still making decent time. We'd already made it out of the forest by the time the sun began to rise. But we trekked on, not stopping till we'd found the desolate remains of a town. Everyone scrambled for places to sleep, and Eren took his turn with patrol. Mikasa stayed with me, but her eyes remained trained on Eren as he walked around, growling on occasion at particularly daring Titans that ventured even a little too close.

Jean and Marco came to sit with us, followed soon after by Annie, who was flanked on either side by Reiner and Bertholdt. We built a small fire, and took out some food to snack on, exchanging what little information any of us had.

We learned from Reiner that we'd covered nearly thirty miles already. That was a relief, for I'd expected much less from our large party. If we kept at that pace, we could put a decent distance between us and danger in just a matter of a week or so.

We didn't talk long before everyone decided that we ought to get some sleep while we could. I'd have to steer the horse the next day, so that Eren could sleep. That in mind, I turned on my side, closing my eyes and trying to relax, though it was hard with the sounds of nature so loud in my ears.

I flinched just a bit as I felt a hand brush against my arm, but the embrace was familiar, and I relaxed back against Mikasa. She stroked my hair gently, barely touching at all. It was soothing, and nostalgic, and I offered her a soft 'thank you' before letting myself nod off. I had dreams about life inside the walls, life with Mikasa after Eren. And I woke up with a renewed sense of affection for the girl. It was stupid to be jealous, and it was even stupider to let that come between she and I. She didn't say anything when I hugged her for a few seconds after waking up, just patted my back and helped me get an exhausted Eren onto our horse.

It was in this fashion that we passed the next few days. The shifters took turns, and the people trudged on. Five days had passed before we allowed ourselves to really settle down. Even then, it was only for a couple of days, so that we had a chance to recuperate. We'd found an area that had buildings in decent shape, and we set up to rest there for a couple of days.

There were some who just wanted to stay there. Even I was sort of wishing for that. But I understood why we had to keep going. Just a few days wasn't enough. There couldn't be any chance of us being found again. So, after the two days of relaxing and idling time with meaningless small talk, we got back to trudging.

The shifters were getting tired, and we could all tell. Since we'd deemed it a necessary precaution to have two of them anytime we were moving, the time they had to rest was shortened. They didn't complain, but Eren wasn't able to steer the horse, leaving me with that task. More often than not, Annie had to cling to Mikasa to even stay upright. Reiner and Bertholdt had to ride in a cart. The only one that was faring alright was Ymir, and that was only because of her stubbornness.

The people were getting tired too. We had to take more frequent breaks, and they tried to ride in the carts a lot more often. Even Hanji was looking worse for wear, their usual chipper attitude replaced by a slightly more subdued version with a little less animated talking.

So, after nearly two weeks of travel, we were more than ecstatic to find a new place to call home. It was actually in better repair than the place we'd come from, most of the buildings showing minimal damage. With a bit of patching, things could quickly be in working order.

Hanji, Levi, and Erwin held something of an impromptu meeting in one of the buildings, to which I, the Titan shifters, and a few of the other soldiers were invited to.

Within, we discussed the pros and cons of the area, and ultimately decided it was probably the best we'd find. And, beyond that, our people were tired. They wouldn't make it much further.

Erwin made the announcement, and there was a loud cheer from everyone as they, once again, scrambled to claim the place they would call home.

What was once probably a city hall was deemed the new headquarters, of sorts, and the closest buildings were reserved for the higher-ranking soldiers. The rest of the buildings were fair game though, and it was tooth and nail for a while as people checked places out and decided whether or not they'd make their home there.

Eren, Mikasa and I went towards the outskirts, and it wasn't long before Bertholdt and Reiner were on our heels. Annie was behind them. By the time Eren and Annie were done fighting over a particular house (a fight that Eren lost,) Ymir and Christa had laid claim to another nearby building.

After some squabbling, we wound up between Reiner and Bertholdt's house, and Jean and Marco's. With our new homes picked out, we began the process of cleaning up and unpacking what few belongings we'd brought along. It didn't take long at all, and soon enough we were sitting on a couch nearly as decrepit as the one from our old house. It creaked under the weight of three people, but held us up as we all heaved a sigh.

It was going to take time to get things back to how they had been before, but we'd make it work. We always made things work.

-.-.-+-.-.-

It only took a couple of weeks for us to find a new semblance of normalcy. We'd gotten the old well back into working order so everyone had water, and we found out there was a river not too far off either. Eren, Marco, Jean, and I had already been for a little dip, and the water was crisp and refreshing.

Being away from the walls meant we had to put a halt to maneuver gear training until Hanji had set up a decent system for compressing the gas. While they could refill the tanks, it took a while, and was mostly more trouble than it was worth. We decided instead to just stockpile what gas we had for emergencies. As much as we hoped we wouldn't have to face another battle anytime soon, it never hurt to be prepared.

But, aside from the training, life was much the same as it once was. We still had meals available at headquarters every day, and we still had shifters patrolling. It took some time to get everyone rested enough, but patrolling eventually got back to normal, and the shifters were able to stay on their feet again.

Even better than that, though, was that Hanji was working on harnessing the shifter's abilities, hoping to make a device that would have the same effect. They said it would take a while to perfect, but that, within a few years, we wouldn't have to work the shifters as much. That was good news to my ears, at least.

With the time we weren't spending learning to use maneuvering gear, we were farming instead. We were going to have to rely on what we'd brought and what we could gather until we got a good harvest under our belts, but so long as nature didn't sabotage us, we would be alright through the winter.

Mikasa spent a few weeks living with Eren and I. Then, apparently, she became quite fed up with our constant canoodling, and decided instead that she'd be staying with Annie. Eren and I both gave her curious looks, wondering why on earth she'd be moving in with Annie of all people, but far be it from us to question it. Perhaps all that time riding with the small blonde had helped them bond or something. Maybe they were both just taciturn enough to get along.

We helped her move some things over there, eyeing the two of them like they'd grown extra heads until we were shooed away by threatening glares. Mikasa promised to visit daily before tactfully shutting the door in our faces. A few days later and we caught her and Annie kissing on the couch when we came to offer them some of the stew I'd made. They acted like nothing had happened and we acted like we weren't traumatized.

It took Erwin several days to get back on his feet. It was amazing that he'd managed the whole journey upright, but once he was able to relax, a fever caught up with him. So he and Levi were mostly out of the picture for the first week or so. Levi made his reappearance first, helping to get whatever was left set up, hoping to be mostly done so Erwin wouldn't have to deal with anything when he was finally off bed rest.

Erwin himself joined us at breakfast two weeks and three days after we'd claimed the area as our own. He needed to shave, and he looked more than a little rumpled and gaunt, but he was up and trying to learn how to eat with his left hand. He was talking, and offering small smiles, and not sporting an unhealthy flush or deathly paleness. He was starting to look like himself again.

When he made his second appearance that day, sometime in the late afternoon, he looked even better. Levi must have helped him shave, for his face was no longer scruffy, and his blue eyes shone with determination yet again. It was refreshing, to say the least.

Within a week, Erwin was looking more like himself. Without the fever, he was able to eat regularly and was getting at least a little exercise walking around and helping everyone get fully situated. He looked alive, and it was a fantastic change. Everyone visibly brightened when we had our commander back.

But what better way to lighten the mood than with a wedding? Apparently Bertholdt and Reiner had been planning to tie the knot, or so to speak, for ages. But a good opportunity had never exactly presented itself until then. So, although Hanji wasn't exactly a priest, they were official enough that we considered the two of them officially married.

The ceremony was as visually beautiful as it could be when everyone was living off of three sets of clothes at best, but it made up for the white and the lace with love and excitement. Literally everyone attended, and they all cheered when they said I do and kissed. The rest of the night was sort of a blur, thanks to too much freshly made alcohol. I do remember a lot of kissing. Not just me and Eren either; Everywhere we looked, people were going at it.

Mikasa and Annie were behind a tree, Ymir and Krista on a little bench. Jean and Marco were literally in the middle of our impromptu courtyard, laying on the ground and making out lazily, as if they weren't in the middle of a crowd of onlookers. They looked too blissed out for anyone to bother them, though. Marco caught the little bouquet of flowers that Reiner jokingly made Bertholdt throw. Jean gave him a look, and he was red for most the night after that.

Pretty much everyone woke up the next day with headaches and foggy memories, but we all had smiles on our faces none the less. Even Bertholdt, who was usually so nervous and shy, was beaming for the better part of the day. And, sure, it was hard work, tilling the fields every day. And sure, it was nerve-wracking to think that we might someday have relocate yet again. And sure, it wasn't perfect, and we still had a lot to do.

But it was home, and we were on our way to being happy. And we were free. Better to be starving wolves living on nothing but hope, hard work, and love than to be cattle living on nothing but fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said one or two more chapters, but this is the last one, I'm afraid. I simply don't think I could take it much further without effectively ruining it. Sorry that it was sort of abrupt, but I hope that everyone enjoyed the journey here!
> 
> This story has been interesting to write, I must say. It's different than what I usually work on, but it wasn't bad at all. I got stuck a lot, and got frustrated more than I care to admit, but in the end, it was a worthwhile struggle for me. I hope it was worth reading for you!
> 
> I'd also like to apologize for how long it took to get this chapter to you. I know I'm always behind, but this time I was kind of stuck; I had the chapter written, but it was on my desktop computer. I just moved out, so needless to say, it took me a while to get everything up and running. Sorry for the delay, especially since I didn't give you guys any warning!
> 
> Anyway, that wraps it up for What Lies Beyond the Walls. I don't have any multi-chaptered EreMin stories planned at the moment, but they do appear as a side pairing in my JeanMarco story, Take Me to the Riot. And if you just like my way of writing, you're welcome to check out my other things as well. My current favorite of mine is Where Wildflowers Grow.
> 
> Alright, I'll leave it at that. Thanks for all the support and feedback, and for reading. It's been fun!
> 
> KuroRiya
> 
> 九六りや

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sure you saw this coming, but I thought I should mention that this is my first time writing for this fandom. I'd appreciate it if all of you lovely readers could refrain from totally destroying me for my feeble attempt. It's going to take me a while to figure out these characters, as I've never written them before. But I'll get the hang of it, sooner or later, if you'll just let me feel everyone out.  
> Anyway, this idea wouldn't let me rest until I wrote it. It just seemed like such a good one to me, but now that I have this bit written, I feel pretty terrible. Like, what am I doing, making their lives even worse than they already are? I guess that's what I'm here for though, making everyone miserable, one fanfic at a time. This is a pretty drastic step outside of my normal niche though. I'm not sure if anyone reading this is aware, but I'm known for my SuFin stories. (From Hetalia.) So, basically, I went from one of the fluffiest, domesticy couples on earth, to this monstrosity. But I knew this would happen as soon as I watched the first episode. 
> 
> Alright, just to make some things clear before anyone gets in too deep: This story is going to EreMin-centric. That's not to say that I don't like EreRi, but I definitely like EreMin more. There's a lot more relationship there, less 'oooh, possible BDSM, tasty.' It's a lot of little things, like Armin holding his hand that one time, and [POSSIBLE SPOILER, if you haven't watched much of the anime] always being the one that gets through to him, even when he's in titan form. Not even Mikasa could do that. I think that says a lot. Plus, hand holding in this show is like the equivalent of fourth base. I mean really, does anyone actually believe any of these guys (or gals) is getting any serious action? Pffft.  
> Okei, I'd also like to note that there are going to be a few things mentioned that will spoil it for you if you aren't caught up with the anime. So long as you have seen all of the anime episodes, nothing should come as too much of a shock. But don't come crying to me a few chapters down the road if you didn't know about certain things, for I warned you ahead of time.  
> There are going to be some side pairings, I'm sure, but I don't know exactly they are going to be just yet. It's all going to depend on what happens, and what would make sense. But I'll just go ahead and list any that MIGHT appear. Jean/Marco, Ymir/Krista, Reiner/Bertholdt. If these do appear, it will likely be very subtly. First off, they are not the main characters of my story, and not every relationship has to be sexual. But I do support Jean and Marco, pretty hardcore. It's a problem I have. Anywho...  
> I'd also like to mention that I'm one of those authors that has a hectic update schedule. I'm going to apologize in advance for that. I try to get stuff done as quickly as possible, but you know how life can be. Be patient, I beg. 
> 
> If anyone is still on board, then I hope to see you in chapter two, which should be longer. This was just to introduce you to a slightly altered universe, and set the plot in motion. For those of you who are serious fans, you might be able to pick out where the anime crosses over with my story. I'm doing that on purpose, and you get some points if you can find them! These points are non-redeemable, and absolutely worthless, but fun to collect nonetheless.  
> Please, let me know how I'm doing, as this is a whole new world for me. I need to know if my little idea is worth pursuing! Regardless, thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it! Er, that might not be the best word... I hope you were moved emotionally in a positively negative way? Yeah, okei, there is no good way to say it, so I'll just say thank you, and I hope you found it interesting. 
> 
> KuroRiya  
> 九六りや


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